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1、wordThe One Where Monica Gets a New RoommateScene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.Monica: Theres nothing to tell! Hes just some guy I work with!Joey: Cmon, youre going out with the guy! Theres gotta be something wrong with him!Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he
2、 have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?驼背还是秃头？Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?(They all stare, bemused.)Phoebe: Just, cause, I dont want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!我不希望她走我和Carl的老路Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. Its just two people going out to dinner an
3、d- not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.Time LapseChandler: Alright, so Im back in high school, Im standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize theres a phone. there.Joey: Instead of.?Ch
4、andler: Thats right.Joey: Never had that dream.Phoebe: No.Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I dont know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. Monica: And they werent looking at you before?!Chandler: Finally, I figure Id better answer it, and it turns out its my mother, w
5、hich is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!Time Lapse, Ross has entered.Ross: (mortified) Hi.Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it
6、 around my neck.我感觉一个人把手伸进我的喉咙，抓住我的小肠，将他从我嘴里拉出来缠在我的脖子上Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh.Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.Ross: Thanks.Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)Ross: No, no dont! St
7、op cleansing my aura! 不要驱赶我的灵气No, just leave my aura alone, okay?Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!保持倒霉吧！Ross: Ill be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope shell be very happy.Monica: No you dont.Ross: No I dont, to hell with her, she left me!Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian.Ross: No! Okay?! Why do
8、es everyone keep fixating on that? She didnt know, how should I know?Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woma
9、n at sobbing 3:00 A.M., Ill never have grandchildren, Ill never have grandchildren. was what? A wrong number?Ross: Sorry.Joey: Alright Ross, look. Youre feeling a lot of pain right now. Youre angry. Youre hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?(Ross gestures his consent.)Joey: Strip joint!脱衣舞会 C
10、mon, youre single! Have some hormones!Ross: I dont want to be single, okay? I just. I just- I just wanna be married again!(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)Monica: Rachel?!Rachel: Oh God M
11、onica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you werent there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (t
12、o Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross? Rachel: Hi, sure!Ross: Hi. (They go to hug but Rosss umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)Monica: So y
13、ou wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?Rachel: Oh God. well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat酱油壶. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (t
14、o the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet n Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and thats when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Yknow, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but. Anyway, I just had to
15、get out of there, and I started wondering Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?. (to Monica) So anyway I just didnt know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but youre the only person I knew who lived here in the city.Monica: Who wasnt invited to the wedding.R
16、achel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldnt be an issue. 我希望那件事没有发生过Scene: Monicas Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.Monica: Now Im guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and shes really not happy about it. Chandler:
17、 (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!Ross: (in a deep voice) Ill have whatever Christine is having.Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just. I cant marry him! Im sorry. I just dont love him. Well, it matters to me! (The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)Pho
18、ebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push her down the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!(She is pushed down the stairs and ev
19、eryone cheers.)Rachel: Cmon Daddy, listen to me! Its like, its like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, Youre a shoe! Youre a shoe, youre a shoe, youre a shoe!. And today I just stopped and I said, What if I dont wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, yknow? Or a- or a hat! No, Im
20、 not saying I want you to buy me a hat, Im saying I am a ha- Its a metaphor, Daddy!Ross: You can see where hed have trouble.Rachel: Look Daddy, its my life. Well maybe Ill just stay here with Monica. Monica: Well, I guess weve established whos staying here with Monica.Rachel: Well, maybe thats my de
21、cision. Well, maybe I dont need your money. Wait! Wait, I said maybe!Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.Monica: Just breathe, breathe. thats it. Just try to think of nice calm things. Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bl
22、uebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens. La la la la.something and noodles with string. These are a few.Rachel: Im all better now.Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!我的功劳！Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, yknow? Independence.
23、Taking control of your life. The whole, hat thing.Joey: (forting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always e to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And hes away a lot.Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! Its her wedding day!Joey: What, like theres a rule or something?(The door buzzer sou
24、nds and Chandler gets it.)Chandler: Please dont do that again, its a horrible sound.Paul: (over the inter) Its, uh, its Paul.Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!Joey: Whos Paul?Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your not a real date tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?Ross: H
25、e finally asked you out?Monica: Yes!Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel.Rachel: Please, no, go, thatd be fine!Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?Ross: (choked voice) Thatd be good.Monica: (horrified) Really?Ross: (normal voice)
26、 No, go on! Its Paul the Wine Guy!Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just plain a lot? (Chandler doesnt know.)(Theres a knock on the door and its Paul.)Monica: Hi, e in! Paul, this is. (They are all lined up next to the door.). everybody, everybody, this is Paul.All: Hey! Pau
27、l! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!Chandler: Im sorry, I didnt catch your name. Paul, was it?Monica: Okay, umm-umm, Ill just-Ill be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah.Ross: A wandering?Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.马上Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. 我刚拔掉我四根睫毛That
28、 cant be good.(Monica goes to change.)Joey: Hey, Paul!Paul: Yeah?Joey: Heres a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.她喜欢你一直抚摸她脖子的一个地方直到那里开始变的微红Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!Ross: So R
29、achel, whatre you, uh. whatre you up to tonight?Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!Ross: Right, youre not even getting your honeymoon, God. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year. talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards. Anyway, if you dont feel
30、like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are ing over to help me put together my new furniture.Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and were very excited about it. Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think Im just gonna hang out here tonight. Its been kinda a long day.Ross: Okay, sure.Joey: Hey Pheebs, you w
31、anna help?Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.mercial BreakScene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love.is like a giant pigeon.crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la-
32、(some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la.ohhh!Scene: Rosss Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) Im supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I ha
33、ve no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)Joey: Im thinking weve got a bookcase here.Chandler: Its a beautiful thing.Joey: (picking up a leftover part) Whats this?Chandler: I would have to say that is an L
34、-shaped bracket.Joey: Which goes where?Chandler: I have no idea.(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)Joey: Done with the bookcase!Chandler: All finished!Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carols favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should hav
35、e known.Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if youre gonna start with that stuff were outta here.Chandler: Yes, please dont spoil all this fun.Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?Ross: You guys.Chandler: Oh, God.Joey: You got screwed.Chandler: O
36、h my God!Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.Monica: Oh my God!Paul: I know, I know, Im such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?Monica: My brothers going through that right now, hes s
37、uch a mess. How did you get through it?Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-Monica: -leg?Paul: (laughing) Thats one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriends fa
38、vorite bath towel.Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.Monica: Thats right. Scene: Monicas Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.Rachel: Barry, Im sorry. I am so sorry. I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it
39、 isnt. it isnt, its about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again. anyway.look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to bee Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isnt me, its not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just
40、 have to give me a chance too. (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)Scene: Rosss Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.Ross: Im divorced! Im only 26 and Im divorced!Joey: Shut up!Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on
41、with a hammer and it collapses.)Ross: That only took me an hour.Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we havent had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which s
42、he ripped your heart out, and that is why we dont do it! I dont think that was my point!Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if theres only one woman for everybody, yknow? I mean what if you get one woman- and thats it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her.Joey: What
43、 are you talking about? One woman? Thats like saying theres only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. Theres lots of flavors out there. Theres Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla樱桃香草口味. You could get em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is t
44、he best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Wele back to the world! Grab a spoon!Ross: I honestly dont know if Im hungry or horny.Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.Paul: Ever since she walked out on me,
45、I, uh.Monica: What?. What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?Paul: No, its, its more of a fifth date kinda revelation.Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?Paul: Isnt there?Monica: Yeah. yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?Paul: Well, ever-ev-. ever since she left me, um, I ha
46、vent been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) .Sexually. Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry. I am so sorry.Paul: Its okay.Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um. how long?Paul: Two years.Monica: Wow! Im-Im-Im gl
47、ad you smashed her watch! Paul: So you still think you, um. might want that fifth date?Monica: (pause).Yeah. Yeah, I do.Scene: Monicas Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola
48、in the bound of holy matrimony.Rachel: Oh.see. but Joanne loved Chachi! Thats the difference!Scene: Rosss Apartment, theyre all sitting around and talking.Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long its been since Ive grabbed a spoon? Do the words Billy, dont be a hero mean anything to you? Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea-Angela-Andrea. Oh man, (looks to Chandler)Chandler: Angelas the screamer, Andrea has cats.Joey: Right. Thanks. Its June. Im outta here. (Exits.)Ross: Yknow, heres the thing. Even if I could get it t
