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1、英语一词多义笑话50篇,1.You are just a fool. I cant bear you. - But your mother can.（homonymy）,2.（In a restaurant）-Waiter, the eggs must have gone bad. -Sorry, I only laid the table.（polysemy）3.Farmer: If you want to spend the night here, youll have to make your own bed. Traveling salesman: Thats perfectly al
2、l right.Farmer: Heres a hammer and saw. Good night.（polysemy）4.We cant get down from elephants. We can only get down from ducks（homonymy）,5.Marriage is an institution where a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters.（homonymy）,6.-If you want my daughter to marry you. You should at
3、 least tell me one thing positive about you. -I am HIV positive.（polysemy）7.Ugly woman: Dont you think Im beautiful? Photographe: The answer lies in the negative.（homonymy）8.Your brain has two parts, the left part and the right part. The right part has nothing left, and the left part has nothing rig
4、ht.Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Hes all right now（homonymy）,9.Tourists want to find someone to take pictures Tourists: Excuse me! Are you free? prostitute:Of course not. Im not free. Tourists: why? prostitute:Im 200 hundred RMB for one night, or 30 dollars for whole
5、day（polysemy）,10.A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. What about your parents? asks the social worker. No, they beat me,says the boy. What about your grandparents? says the social worker.No, they beat me even harder! says the boy. Well.where do you want to stay
6、then? replies the social worker. Tottenham, says the boy. They dont beat anyone.（polysemy）11.A drunk guy approaches a cute girl in a singles bar. Hi Babe, how about a date? He says. Dont waste your time. I never go out with a perfect stranger. It seems we are both in luck. Im far from perfect.（polys
7、emy）,12.A rich man went to his lawyer and said “I would like to make a will but I dont know exactly how to go about it.”The lawyer says “Dont worry. Leave it all to me.”The man looks somewhat upset.“Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice but Id like to leave a little to my children too
8、!”（polysemy）,13.A down-and-out musician was playing the violin in the middle of a big shopping mall. He had his violin case open so that passersby could drop in donations. Then a burly security guard marched over and asked him, May I see your permit? I havent got one, the musician confessed. In that
9、 case youll have to accompany me. Splendid. What shall we sing? （polysemy）14.A huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. Can you tackle? asked the coach. Watch this, said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack in to a telephone pole and completely knocked out it over. Wow, sa
10、id the coach, Im impressed. Can you run? Of course I can run, said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over 9 seconds ran a 100-yard dash. Great, the coach said. But can you pass a football? The freshman hesitated for a second. Well, sir, he said, If I can swallow it, I can probably pa
11、ss it.（polysemy）,15.A medical student entered a patients room carrying a syringe. As he approached the patients bed, he said, Just a little prick with a needle. I know who you are, the patient relied, but what are you going to do?（polysemy）,16.An erdly woman had two small terriers, one male, the oth
12、er female. When the female terrier died, the male terrier was heartbroken, and he died the next day. She took the two carcasses to the taxidermist so that they could be preserved. The taxidermist asked, Do you want them mounted? She replied, No, but could you have this paw in hers?（polysemy）17.A jud
13、ge is addressing the husband in a divorce case. Mr Johnson, I have reviewed this case carefully and I have decided to give your wife $2,000 a month. The husband replies, Thats very generous of you, your honor, and, believe me, Ill try to help out a little myself now and then.（polysemy）18.My mother a
14、nd father are in the steel and iron business. What do they do?（polysemy）,19.I wrote a book about watch-makingeveryone said it was about time（polysemy）,20. Teacher: George, can you give me lincolns Gettysburg Address? George: No, but he used to live at the White House in Washing D.C. （polysemy）21.Why
15、 was it so hot after the baseball game? - All the fans left（polysemy）22.What happens to a flea when it becomes really angry? It gets hopping mad.23. Judge: Have you ever appeared before this court in any other suit? Lawyer: Why, yes .the navy pinstripe.（polysemy）24. Do people fish with a permit in t
16、his area? - No, we fish with a bait.25.Weve got the kind of President who thinks arms control means some kind of deodorant（polysemy）,26.Athlete: Im going to write an article on jogging.Editor: Fine. But dont use any run-on sentences.,27.Mary: why are you bringing a jump rope to school?Terry: Im goin
17、g to ask the principal if I can skip a grade.(synonymy)28.Madge: Ive been asked to marry thousands of times. Mindy: Really? Who asked you? Madge: My mother and father.（polysemy）29.What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, they just waved（polysemy）30.Construction company needs a
18、man to dig holes - Ground level position available.（polysemy）,31. Father: What should you do when you see our flag waving?little boy: Wave back.（polysemy）,32. Mary kissed her aunt good-bye but her aunt didnt kiss her back. Why?Her aunt kissed her face（polysemy）33.Nothjng can mend a broken heart”A ho
19、peless widower said “Except repairing，”A widow answered（polysemy）34The farmer whose pig was killed by an automobile，was raving mad “Dont worry，”said the motorist，trying to pacify be reaved owner,Ill replace yourpig”“No。you cant。”growled the farmer“you aint fat enough”（polysemy）35.We have courses to
20、make growth men young and young men groan(homophones),36.Money doesnt grow on trees. But it grows at our branches.（polysemy）,37.A bicycle cant stand on its own because it is two-tyred.A bicycle cant stand on its own because it is two-tyred. (too tired) (homophones)38.Over 500000 ears of experiences
21、Hu cares！(homophones)39.Waitress：Do you want a can, sir (cancer)? (homophones)40.There are four letters to scare the thief away: OICU Seven days without laughter makes one weak(week). (homophones),41. A: Did your pig break his pen? B: Thats right. Now he has to type his letters（polysemy）,42.Teacher
22、of Civics: Who is the Speaker of the House? Smart kid: Mother43.“Waiter!” “Yes, sir.” “Whats this?” “Its bean soup, sir.” “No matter what its been. What is it now?”(homophones)44.Donna: Hes so romantic. Every time he speaks to me he starts with “fair (free)lady”. Tina: Romantic, my eye. He used to b
23、e a bus driver. (homophones)45.Have you noticed how some students who get poor grades seldom pore over their books but still find time to pour beer or stronger stuff in themselves?(homophones),46.“My business is going up in smoke,” complained the cigar-maker.” “Mine is all write (right),” chuckled t
24、he author. “Mine is just sew, sew (just so so),” remarked the tailor.(homophones),47.My boss, a native of Atlanta, once said to me: “And I usually cook the bold shrimp.” Then I asked,” Is the shrimp in a bowl or is it extremely forward?” “No, no,” she replied. “BOLD shrimp.” Finally I asked her to s
25、pell it for me, “Bold,” she repeated. “You know, B-O-I-L-E-D.”(homophones)48.Clerk: Sir, Id like my salary raised. Boss: Well, dont worry. Ive raised it somehow every week so far, havent I? （polysemy）49. Husband: I have bad news to tell.Wife: Whats up?Husband: Your aunt says in her letter that her L
26、ittle Katie has grown another foot.（polysemy）50.A man who was involved in a serious motorcycle accident was unable to speak when he first regained consciousness. Wishing to know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bed-stand and, after writing “Date?” on it, gave it to his nurse. She handed it back to him after she had writing the word “Married” on it.（polysemy）,thank you!,
