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1、Writing Activity, Chapter 5 The draft body paragraph below needs revision. Essay Thesis: Playing Wii Fit games is a fun and effective means of improving physical activity, socialization, and problem-solving skills. Body Paragraph:The new Wii Fit games are some of the most popular video games availab
2、le today. I love them! They encourage physical activity. They arent as tedious as some more formal exercise programs. Players must move the controllers, in order to move their on-screen characters. Players use with full arm and body movements to operate the controllers and move their on-screen chara
3、cters. The movements required to simulate bowling or tennis, for example, closely match the movements involved in these real-life activities. You dont actually have to be a bowler or tennis player to play these Wii games. Wii game play is a cool way to stay fit or even lose weight, through sustained
4、 physical activity. You could play these games round the clock, and hardly notice the time passing. Players can tone and build arm muscles, increase their heart rate, improve their balance and coordination, and have fun too!YOUR TASKSPart 1Review the paragraph and rate each of the following:For each
5、, rate the paragraph as good, acceptable, or weak, and then explain your rating.Structure:i.Topic sentence should be closely linked to thesis and to overall paragraph contentGood, Acceptable, or Weak; Comments: ii.Supporting points should be logically ordered, easy to followGood, Acceptable, or Weak
6、; Comments: iii.Transitional words should help link ideas and improve flowGood, Acceptable, or Weak; Comments: iv.Sentence structures should be varied (some long, some short)Good, Acceptable, or Weak; Comments: Content: v.All points should directly support the paragraph topic; any distracting or unn
7、ecessary details should be deleted. Good, Acceptable, or Weak; Comments: vi.Examples should clearly support the paragraph topic. Paragraph should include enough examples to adequately explain or clarify the paragraph.Good, Acceptable, or Weak; Comments: Languagevii.Most academic essays require the u
8、se of formal language (no first “I” or second “you” person, no contractions, no slang, more formal diction; check your instructors preferences whether Formal or Standard). Review essay for appropriate level of formality. Good, Acceptable, or Weak; Comments: viii. Would similes, metaphors, or personi
9、fication improve this paragraph? Are there clichs or slang that should be eliminated? Should the paragraph include more concrete, specific language (emphasizing the senses sight, sound, taste, smell, touch)?Good, Acceptable, or Weak; Comments: Part 2Now, considering any problems that you found in Pa
10、rt 1, revise the paragraph to improve clarity, flow, and language.(LO: Revise essays for coherence, unity, and appropriate theses; Choose formal or informal language based on audience and purpose; Avoid clich, jargon, and euphemism) Writing Activity, Chapter 5 An effective topic sentence provides a
11、clear indication of what will be discussed in the paragraph. Consider the following paragraphs and their topic (or opening) sentences.Paragraph #1Essay thesis: Learning to play a musical instrument improves learning in other areas, and is relaxing and fulfilling.Body Paragraph:Learning to play a mus
12、ical instrument can be challenging, but it is a good stress reliever. Music is a form of personal expression that can be easily shared. This allows deeper connections with others, which is emotionally satisfying. Also, it is important to be able to express ones innermost feelings, and there is a son
13、g to match any mood. Having an outlet for ones feelings creates an inner harmony that makes everything in life seem better. This kind of personal fulfillment is unmatched in almost any other activity.Paragraph #2Essay thesis: Completing a “do it yourself” home renovation is fun and can save consider
14、able money, but it can also be stressful. The right approach, though, can make it all worthwhile.Body Paragraph:To minimize the stress of a home renovation project, get firm price quotes, set up an alternate space, and move your things out of the construction zone. A first priority is getting firm c
15、ommitments on costs and delivery of any needed materials or outside contractors. This prevents to stress of unexpected expenses and allows coordination of the various steps, which minimizes the disruption. Also, an alternate space is helpful, for the duration of the work. To replace a kitchen, for e
16、xample, set up a microwave and bar fridge in another room and make arrangements for using another water source. Whatever room will be under construction, moving things to another area allows better access and helps reduce the worry of damage. Home renovations take a lot of time and energy, so a calm
17、 and stress-free approach is essential to a positive experience and a great final product.Paragraph #3Essay thesis: Having a family pet is beneficial for young children because it teaches them responsibility, encourages a more active lifestyle, and offers an excellent first lesson in socialization.B
18、ody Paragraph:Every animal needs food, shelter and some physical activity to live. When a child has a pet, he or she must provide these basic life requirements every day, without exception, and so learns early that some responsibilities can not be shirked. The fact that the pet often shows enthusias
19、tic appreciation is a bonus. Also important for the pet are a regular routine and true affection, both of which are also important for the childs emotional, social, and intellectual development. YOUR TASKSFor each of these paragraphs, explain why the first sentence is ineffective as a topic sentence.Then write an effective topic sentence to introduce the paragraphs main idea and link to the essay thesis statement.(LO: Revise essays for coherence, unity, and appropriate theses)
