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1、目 录第五集2第六集14第七集27第八集38第五集Your waitress just went on break,你的服务员今天休息and Im just someone who likes dressing而我刚好喜欢打扮成玩具热狗like a polyester hot dog, so Ill take that所以要是你想好了whenever youre ready.我就来给你点餐吧There you go. No rush.拿着 不用着急Okay, Mr. Rajeev Guttikonda.好吧 拉杰夫古缇孔达先生I have to say, thats a pretty gutt
2、i scheme你的名字的确设计得you got going there,大大的不错but I guttikonda dont believe it.但我大大的可不买账Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you saying there?喔 喔 你在说什么呢?What am I saying there, Boston?我在说什么 波士顿佬?Im saying I believe you watched Slumdog Millionaire我相信你窝在你老妈家地下室的脏沙发里on a sticky couch in your moms basement,偷偷看了贫民窟的百万
3、富翁but Im not buying that youre Indian.但我可不相信你是印度人So take your fake, east Boston, Indian accent out of here,少给我装印度腔调 明明一股子的东波士顿味儿or Ill call the cops.要不然老娘报警了Dude, stolen credit card, and you choose to eat here?老兄 你偷信用卡 还来这种破地方吃饭?Thats the real crime.这才是真的犯罪Hey, Rajeev.嘿 拉杰夫Rajeev, my man.拉杰夫兄弟Rajeev
4、 Gudikanda.拉杰夫古缇孔达你好You know what? This ones on me.这一餐我请客吧I have trust issues.我总是瞎怀疑人Thats weird.太奇怪了We still have three red velvets left.怎么还剩三个红天鹅绒小蛋糕I guess that bulimic girl那个厌食症女孩didnt come in today.今天没来啊No, shes here.不 她来了Shes in the bathroom.在洗手间吐呢Hmm, if I save these for her,嗯 如果我把小蛋糕留给她would
5、 that be helping or hurting?这是帮她还是伤害她呢Hey, everybody.嘿 各位好Speaking of hurting,说到伤害Here comes a pain in my ass.接下来这位简直是我屁股的痔疮Han, do you want the last red velvet?Han 想要最后一个红天鹅绒小蛋糕吗The other two are for the bulimic girl.另两个是留给厌食症女孩的I made the call.瞧我这安排No more cupcakes for me.我不吃小蛋糕Ive been on a juice
6、 cleanse for six days.我正在进行为期六天的果汁节食Hans on the prowl,Han现在在猎美女and I got to keep this body tight, son.我要保持住这结实的身材Im in the dating pool, you know.我是有交际圈的Yeah, the shallow end.对啊 就是小了点You know those cleanses never work, right?那些节食计划都是扯淡 知道吗?Really? Then how do you explain this?是吗? 那这个你怎么解释?I dont know
7、.我不知道Am I supposed to rub it and make a wish?我是不是该摸摸它 然后祝宝宝健康?Not bad for having three kids, Han.你这生过三个小孩的身材算是不错了 HanWhat? You dont see my abs coming in?啥? 你没看到我这一块块性感的腹肌吗I see one large ab coming in.我只看到一块大腹肌轰动全场Thats at least a two-pack.这怎么说也有腹肌两件套嘛an8(指通过全息成像技术 复原出来的已故明星图派克)Han, the real tupac is
8、 more alive than your two-pack.Han 影像版的图派克的肉都比你那两坨要生动Im gonna give this last cupcake away as a free sample.我要把最后的这个小蛋糕送给别人试吃My promotional tweets我的微博促销战略havent been getting much love lately.最近没收到什么效果Whatd you say?什么意思?I black out whenever you use work words.你一拽专业词儿我就懵All I said was promotional tweet
9、s and sample.我就说了微博促销和试吃What?什么?Here you go, ladies, a Maxs homemade cupcake女士们 这是Max自制小蛋糕on the house.请免费品尝Nah, Im cool.不用了Im saving my calories我正在控制饮食热量for one of those fabulous new cronuts.为了去品尝牛角甜甜圈呢Plus, cupcakes are so over.再说 小蛋糕早都过时了Well, so is blossom, but.大花朵也过时了 但你.It didnt stop you from
10、wearing that outfit.可你还是穿了这么一身花衣裳Those flower power skanks over there.那边两个穿大花的傻妞.flower power skanks.穿大花的傻妞See, these are words I recognize and hear.这才是跟姐说话要用的词儿Anyway, she said she only cares about cronuts她说她们喜欢的是克罗纳and that cupcakes are over.小蛋糕过时了Cupcakes are classic, right?小蛋糕是永恒的经典 对吧?Dont list
11、en to them.别听她们胡说Theyre wearing high-waisted jeans.她们还穿着高腰牛仔裤呢The only time I like seeing womens jeans that high我只有在和Han在玩互扯内裤游戏的时候is when Im giving Han a wedgie.才会喜欢高腰牛仔裤Also, whats a cronut?再说克罗纳是啥?Cronut is what we called my croatian cousin我的克罗地亚表兄被我们称为克罗纳with one testicle.他只有一个蛋蛋He hung himself.
12、他上吊死了Okay, well, in America,好吧 在我们美国Its a half-croissant, half-doughnut.这叫牛角甜甜圈 是指一半牛角面包 一半甜甜圈Theyre on the news, Twitter, Instagram.新闻里 微博上 人人上都在说它People cant stop talking about them.人们不停谈论它If cronuts had tongues,牛角甜甜圈如果有舌头an8(Miley Cyrus最近新闻话题不断)theyd be the Miley Cyrus of pastries.它们就是甜品界的Miley C
13、yrusYoure right. They sound stupid.好吧 一听就觉得很傻Stupid delicious. Where can I get one?傻得很可口啊 哪里有卖?You can only get them at this one pastry shop in Soho,你只能在索霍区的那家甜品店买到它and people start lining up at 4:00 a.m.大家从凌晨4点就开始排队Boy, times do change.时代真是变了Back in the day, 4:00 a.m.以前凌晨4点was when people would sno
14、rt lines,大家在都吸排粉Not stand in em.而不是排着队Who has the time to wait in line all day谁会排一天的队for a piece of lame pastry?就为了买个破面包?Hey, everyone.嘿 小伙伴们I got a cronut.我买到了牛角甜甜圈I waited in line for two whole days.我排了整整两天的队Sophie, you bought into the hype too?Sophie 你也凑热闹啊?Oh, come on, you know your girl Sophie
15、is always on trend.拜托 你知道Sophie姐总是在潮流前线I was the first one wearing Crocs.我是第一个穿洞洞鞋的人I brought the Crocs craze to America.是我把洞洞鞋的潮流热带到了美国When I was rich, I sent 10,000 pairs of crocs我富有的时候 我寄了一万双洞洞鞋to children in africa.给非洲的儿童Why, to make them less cool?为什么 让他们变丑吗?Look, girls, here I am in the cronut
16、 line快看 姑娘们 这是我在排队等牛角甜甜圈and here I am still in line.这是我仍然在排队Oh, and. oh, and here I am riding a baby elephant.还有. 哦 这是我骑着象宝宝And here I am eating a cronut.这是我吃着牛角甜甜圈Max, as stupid as it is, weve got to go over there.Max 尽管很蠢 我们还是得去一趟We need to figure out what they have that we dont.我们得搞清楚 什么是他们有我们没有的
17、Oh, Ill tell you what they have.我可以告诉你们他们有什么Cronuts.牛角甜甜圈Oh, my god. Look at this line.天啊 看这队伍I knew we should have gotten here sooner.我就知道该早点到的But, no, I had to be a good person.但不行 我得当好人I had to carry that torso man我不得不把那个滑板上的on the skateboard up the subway stairs.残疾人推上地铁台阶All this is for a croiss
18、ant and a doughnut?这一切就为了牛角面包和甜甜圈?Those things already existed.这些东西早就有了Where was all the fanfare when I combined the sleeping pill我把安眠药和醒酒丸混合在一起with the morning after pill and called it并起名叫一觉睡到晒屁股药的时候the sleep-through-the-morning-after pill?怎么没人吹捧?How did these things get so popular?这些东西怎么会这么受欢迎?The
19、res no science to this trend stuff.这种潮流没有科学解释Its all decided by one bitchy gay guy全都是因为一个犯贱的基佬typing in his room, making it all up.在屋里打字的时候 随便想出来的Well, then we have to do some trend research.那我们就要做一下潮流趋势研究Weve got to figure out how to make Maxs homemade cupcakes我们得想出办法让Max自制蛋糕成为the next cronuts.下一个牛
20、角甜甜圈I hate all these stupid trends.我讨厌这些蠢潮流Cleanses, cronuts, condoms.清新剂 牛角甜甜圈 安全套Excuse me, sir,打扰一下 先生My names Caroline.我叫CarolineIm a trend researcher.是一名潮流调查员Im Chuck. I sell magnets.我是Chuck 我卖磁体的What made you want to spend an entire day是什么让你愿意花一整天时间in line for cronuts?排队买牛角甜甜圈呢?I like croissan
21、ts. I like doughnuts.我喜欢牛角面包 我也喜欢甜甜圈Im a fat guy. It all adds up.我还是个胖子 理所当然Thats true. You are a fat guy.没错 你是个胖子And theres a doughnut shop right across the street.而街对面就有一家甜甜圈店So why dont you just stop there, get a damn doughnut,你为啥不直接去那儿买个甜甜圈and save yourself the last 200省下刚刚走的possibly life-threat
22、ening steps to here?可能会累死你的两百步路呢?Look, its two things I like put together.听着 它结合了我最爱的两样东西End of story.就是这样Thats it, Max.就是这个 MaxIts the two things together.两样东西结合在一起One thing isnt enough anymore.只有一样是不够的Yeah, thats why Olegs cousin hung himself.对 所以Oleg的表弟才上吊自杀Im serious.我说真的Whens the last time you
23、did just one thing?你上次一心一意做事是什么时候?Like, watch a movie without playing a game on your phone?比如 看电影的时候不玩手机游戏?an8(美国电影 讲述脱衣舞男的故事)Magic Mike.看魔力麦克的时候Wait, does playing with yourself count?慢着 自摸算不算?Come on, lets get to the end of the line.走吧 我们去队尾排队End of the line?队尾?Thats for rookies.傻瓜才去队尾Im a line pro
24、.我可是插队专业户My mom and I waited in line for food stamps,我和我妈排队领食品救济券Bob Seger lawn seats.买摇滚明星的草坪座椅都插队We spent a Saturday in the guns for cash line.我们花了一个周六排枪换现金的队Now thats a line you dont want to cut in.那种队你最好不要插Follow my lead.跟着我Hey, man, cronut line.嘿 哥们 排队等牛角甜甜圈啊What do you want to do after this?买到
25、之后你想干嘛去呢?Okay, all right, all right. Back of the line.好了 行行 队尾去Everybody relax.别这么激动Guess my mom being topless看来我妈袒胸露乳had more to do with my line skills than I thought.对我的插队技术的作用贡献要多Oh, great. Look at the cronut line.这下好了 看看这牛角甜甜圈的队I told you we should have left sooner,我告诉你要早点走了But, no, you said we
26、had to stay at temple.但不行 你说我们得待在寺庙Youre the rabbi.你可是犹太教教士Yeah, a career I was forced into我是被迫入这行的because someone wanted to write his memoir.因为某人想写回忆录We get it, Garry. Youre adopted.我们懂的 Garry 你是被领养的Move up, hon. You gotta fill the gap.快走啊 亲 你赶紧上前去啊I would if you would stop trying to fill my gap.如果
27、你不把我贴得这么紧 我会上前的What difference does it make?有什么区别呢?Youre still gonna have the same amount of time to wait.你还是要等同样的时间And then, in 30 years, were all gonna die from wi-fi cancer.然后再过30年 我们都会死于无线网癌症Okay, lets all just take a breath.好了 让我们都缓口气It looks like were gonna be here for a while.看来我们要在这儿等一会儿You
28、know what? Youre right.你知道吗? 你说得对Hi, Im Jerri.嗨 我是JerriAnd Im Garry.我是GarryIm Jerri, hes Garry.我叫Jerri 他叫GarryIm tall, hes small.我高大 他矮小Cute, right? Thats our thing.很可爱吧? 这是我们的情况Im Caroline, and this is Max.我是Caroline 这是MaxThats it. We dont have a thing.仅此而已 我们不是基友So what drew you here today?什么风把你们吹
29、来的?Oh, well, were trend-chasers.哦 我们是潮流追随者When something new hits, we are on it有新东西出现 我们就立马行动like sea salt on dark chocolate.就像黑巧克力上的海盐We did pinkberry,我们吃过粉红莓果Dippin dots, kale, quinoa,迪品豆 无头甘蓝 藜麦Kombucha.红茶菌All the kas. Just cause.只要时髦 我们就尝试Can you tell we dont have kids?看得出我们不要孩子吗?She couldnt.其实是
30、她不能生Garry!Garry说什么呢!Actually, its true,事实确实是我不孕And you can read all about it in his memoir.这些你们可以在他的自传中看到Its called.名字就叫.You know what? Jerri, Garry.那啥 Jerri和GarryI think we got too close too soon.咱们熟得太快了Maybe we need a little space.还是给我们一点空间吧We got to move up in line还是想办法插队吧To get away from these p
31、eople.最好离这俩人远点Should I just take my top off?要不我裸个上身试试?- Next in line. - It happened!- 下一个就该你们了 - 真的吗!We made it to the front of the line!我们终于排到头了Were the front people!我们终于排到前面了!Yeah, were the front people!耶 我们是前人了!Back people suck!后人去死吧!No, no, I said back people, back people.不 不 我说的是后人 不是黑人Baruch H
32、ashem.弥赛亚犹太教堂万岁We loved the Butler.法学家巴特勒威武You know, weve been through a lot.要知道我们排了多久的队啊Tempers flared, things were said.都快急疯了知道吗Im fairly certain that dutch guy back there died.我肯定后面那个荷兰小伙已经挂掉了But we made it, and you guys are good people.但我们做到了 你俩人不错啊The sea salt of the earth.就像大地上的海盐- Whos next?
33、- We are.- 该谁了? - 我们I can only take a party of two. Are all four of you together?一次只能进两个人 你们四个一起的吗?- Nope. - We dont know them.- 不 - 完全不认识- Guys? - Cut em loose, Gar.- 啥? - 别管了 GarAll sold out. Were closed.卖完了 我们要关门了I know youre driven mad with the power我知道你享受在面包店看门的of being a doorman at a bakery, b
34、ut come on!大权在握之感 可你怎能这样!Max, you know what I want more than anything?Max 知道我现在最想干什么吗?To kill Jerri and Garry?干掉Jerri和Garry?Cause Im totally on board.我现在就想马上动手了No, I want our business to have a line.不 我也想我们店门口排长队I want to sell out.我也想蛋糕卖个精光I want people to turn against each other for our product.我也想
35、人们争着买我们的蛋糕Again, I could just take my top off.再说一次 我裸着上身这事就能实现I know, and thank you. We have that in our back pocket.我知道 谢谢 这个可以作为最终杀手锏But I have an idea we can try first.但先听我说说我的想法Im geting use work words now, so listen up, skank.我现在要说商业术语了 听好了 暴露狂Im listening.我在听I read in the Wall Street Journal我在
36、华尔街日报上读到说That theres a whole black market for cronuts on craigslist.克雷格网站现在有黑市可以买到牛角甜甜圈Craigslist? Oh, no.克雷格网站? 还是算了吧I dont want one bad enough我可不想再上那里去找个to let some guy lick my armpit for an hour again.变态佬再舔我的腋窝 舔上一小时Theyre not for us.咱们不是去那里买春Well sell them at our window,我们在店里买牛角面包圈Just to attrac
37、t attention,只为了吸引客户And then, when they sell out,然后等面包圈卖光了Well effortlessly switch to cupcakes.就可以开始买纸杯蛋糕啦Classic bake and switch.经典的转移注意力手法All that work for some stupid fad?对于追时髦的傻蛋有用吗?I said fad.我是说时髦We loved behind the candelabra.我俩一般用蜡烛台Try texting him again.再发短信催催Hes 15 minutes late.他都迟了十五分钟了You
38、re really surprised你难道真觉得一个That a guy reselling pastries在克雷格网的租赁评价栏上In the rants and raves section of craigslist卖二手酥皮糕点的人isnt the punctual type?能遵守时间?This is so exciting.太激动了Ive never bought anything on the black market before.我从未买过黑市货啊Im still afraid to go to that filipino market around the corner.
39、就连街角那个菲律宾市场我都不敢进呢Are you the guy?你就是那个人吗?I dont know. Are you the girl?不知道啊 你是那个人吗?So far, this musical sucks.还真是没营养的台词Whats the password?暗号是什么Cronut.牛角面包圈Was 1234 already taken?如今都不用1234了哈Meet us by the door.门口见Which is code for, meet us by the door.这句暗号的意思是门口见Which is code for, youre really bad at
40、 code.这么句暗号表示你的暗号烂透了Okay, lets talk about our plan.好 要有个谈判计划Its a classic good cop/bad cop.经典的红白脸方案Im gonna ask the guy for ten cronuts,我要买他十个牛角面包圈And hes gonna quote me 250.他会开价250块Right, then I play bad cop and act outraged.明白 我唱白脸 要表现出愤怒And then I play good cop, and we settle at 200.我来唱红脸 把价钱降到20
41、0块Yeah, and dont worry about me.没错 别担心我Ill improve some good stuff on the spot.我参加过即兴表演Are you sure you dont want to run it by me first?真不用跟我先彩排一下?I was in an improv group at Wharton.我在沃顿加入过即兴表演兴趣组We were called the fun percent.人家管我们叫娱乐百分号And I can imagine myself not laughing我能想象自己和那百分之九十九的With 99%
42、of the audience.观众一样 笑不出来Lets make it quick.赶紧的Youre not the only girls in town who want my nuts!想找我的姑娘们多得是!I assume you mean cronuts.就当你说的是面包圈吧No, Im also a male prostitute.不是 我主业是做男妓Lets see the product.那看看货吧She meant the other baked goods.他是说烤出来的那些You got to be clear.你们得把话讲清楚Pretty maids, all in
43、a row.姑娘们 来客人啦Let mama get a taste.让老娘来揩个油Thats pure. How much for ten?味道挺正 10个卖多少钱?I know I said 250 earlier, but.我之前说是250 不过.Bullcrap! 150 or we walk, bitch!放屁! 150卖不卖 不卖就走人!Okay, lets all just calm down.好了 大家都冷静一下Its a really good deal, Max.这是笔好生意How about we settle at 200 and call it a night?200
44、成交如何?Yeah, yeah, yeah. About that.等等 等等 说到这个I be getting mad offers for these things tonight.这玩意儿今天晚上都卖疯了I actually got to raise it to 300, or I walk.事实上我要把钱涨到300 不然我就走人Bitch.贱货Ooh, ow, ow, ooh, your hands are cold.喔 哇 哇 你的小手冰凉Whatd you call me?你刚才叫我什么?- Nothing. - Thats what I thought.- 没什么 - 我也觉得She said 200. Well pay 200.她说200 我们就付200And youll take it.而且这买卖你必须做Youll shove it in this Hanes her way hoodie把钱塞进你穿的这身女款的连帽衫youre wearing, youll say, thank you, Max,还有别忘了说谢谢您 Maxand youll hit the bricks, capisce?然后立刻滚蛋 明白?Caroline, cash.Caroline 拿钱
