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1、21篇英语幽默笑话小故事带生词解释往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通共享资源，了解更多请登录www.WL 1.The Worlds Greatest Swordsman At an exhibition of the worlds best swordsman, the third-place fencertook the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly
2、 into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the worlds greatest swordsman. His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile. Why are you so happy? someone yelled. You
3、 missed! Ah, replied the swordsman, you werent watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father. stage n.舞台 take the world stage登上舞台 exhibition n.展览(会)release vt. n.释(排)放；放开 hush v.(使)安静下来 n.安静，寂静 anticipation n.预期；预料 in anticipation of 期待着 blade n.刀刃，刀片 mighty a.强大的 往链点点
4、通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL insect n.昆虫，虫 aghast a.惊骇的 target n.目标，对象，靶子 vt.瞄准 yell vi./ n.号叫，叫喊 2.A Mistake An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. Give me $500 each, he said,
5、 and Ill return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened. Done! said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene. Where are the others? asked a medic. Last I knew, said the American, the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government s
6、hould pay. accident ksidnt n.意外遭遇,事故 fluster flst vt.使惊慌失措 flustered惊慌失措的 saint英音：seint heaven hevnn.天堂 Done 口语 instantly instntli ad.立即，立刻 scene si:nn.场，地点 medic 医生 haggle hglvi.讨价还价 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL argue :gju:vi.争论(吵,辩) government* 3.Pig or Witch A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountai
7、n road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells PIG! The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, WITCH(女巫)! They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of
8、the road. If only men would listen. steep a.陡的 narrow a.狭窄(隘)的； lean v.(使)倾斜 crash vi.碰撞 4.Response Ability response n.回答 ability n.能力，技巧 An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL didnt constitute gam
9、bling, the minister replied, Its merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity Iowa n.衣阿华美国州名 minister n.部长，公使，牧师 congregation n.集合在一起的群众 a member of his congregation一位教友 constitute vt.构成 gamble 赌博 scientific .科学的determine vt.决定 commit vt.犯(错误等) charity n.救济
10、金； pl.慈善团体；宽容 Philosopher Bertrand Russell(罗素), asked if he was willing to die for his belief, replied: Of course not. After all, I may be wrong. philosopher n.哲学家 willing愿意的belief .信仰 5. A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: If a fire broke out in the Louvre(卢浮宫), and
11、 if you could 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL only save one painting, which one would you carry out? The winning reply was: The one nearest the exit. organize vt.组织contest n.比赛；辩驳 6.Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hu
12、nter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping盖上the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture牧草地，牧场to wait for the lion pasture In the midd
13、le of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion? asked the chief. Forget the damn lion! he h
14、owled. Which one of you idiots let the bull loose? howl haulvi.哀号 bull buln.公牛 idiot n.白痴，傻子，笨蛋 7.Weather Predict 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, Tomorrow rain. The next day it rained. A week later, the I
15、ndian went up to the director and said, Tomorrow storm. The next day there was a hailstorm. This Indian is incredible, said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks. Finall
16、y the director sent for him. I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow, said the director, and Im depending on you. What will the weather be like? The Indian shrugged his shoulders. Dont know, he said. Radio is broken. crew n.全体工作人员 location n.位置，场所；外景拍摄地 director 主管，导演 hail n.雹 hailstorm雹暴 incredible a.
17、不可信的；不可思议的，惊人的 show up 暴露，露面shrug v. n.耸肩 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL 8.I Am Acting Like a Lady One day when womens dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. He stood it as
18、 long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed. You there! challenged a thrill voice. Cant you act like a gentleman? Listen, he said, I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady. I Am Acting Like a Lady我要表现得象位女士 th
19、e FarEast Department Store远东百货公司 on sale减价 dignified a.有尊严的 batter v.连续猛击 frantic a.发疯似的 he soon found himself being battered by frantic women. 没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。 as long as只要 flail vi.敲击 plow n.犁 v.犁，耕 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL thrill n.兴奋v.(使)兴奋a thrill voice尖叫 9.A Soldiers Brilliant Idea Mr.
20、Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting i
21、n the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it. When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank yo
22、u. Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in. Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the sold
23、ier, but they also read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeeded in having the co
24、mpany of the girl during the whole trip. 为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作 10.why do you never phone me? Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a
25、town and went and lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mothers village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, There isnt any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week. Mrs Harris was very
26、 angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her sons house in Greensea. Then she said to him, Geoff, why do you never phone me? Geoff laughed. But, Mother, he said, you havent got a phone. No, she answered, I havent, but YOUVE got one! 11.My First and My Last When George was thirty-five, he b
27、ought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, Ive travelled in a big plane several times, but Ive never
28、been in a small one, so Ill go. They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your p
29、lane. Gerogy was very surprised and said, Two trips? Yes, my first and my last, answered Mark. trick trikn.诡计；戏法、特技 12.New Discovery A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw an old woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, an
30、d after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator. Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, I should have brought my wife! discovery发现 hillbilly hilbilin.乡下人，乡巴佬 for the first time第一次 slide slaidv.滑动 elevatoreliveitn.电梯 blink blikvi.眨眼睛 drawl dr:l.慢吞吞地说 13.
31、Ill See to the Rest 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. Come on, miss! he shouted. Shut the door, please! Oh, I just want to kiss my sister
32、goodbye, she called back. You just shut that door, please, called the guard, and Ill see to the rest. be about to打算 signal信号，用信号指示 see to 注意，照料 attractive a.有吸引力的，引起注意的carriage车厢 14.Cant Get Out This was to be the new blonde flight attendants first overnight trip, so the Captain was showing her the
33、best place for personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as he was preparing the crew for the days flight, he noticed the new flight attendant was missing. Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in he called her to find out what had happened. Crying, she answered the phone
34、 and said, Help, I cant get out of the room! What do you mean, you cant get out of the room? the Captain asked. Well I can only find three doors, she sobbed. One is the bathroom, one is the closet and the other one has a sign on it that says, Do Not Disturb! blonde blnda.金发的 n.金发女子missing 失踪的 Since由
35、于 attendant tendntn.服务人员，侍者 personnel个人 sob抽泣 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL 15.The Ugly Duckling Long ago, in a farmyard many miles away, a Mother Duck sat on her nest. She was waiting for her eggs to hatch. Each day she proudly looked at them. There were six eggs, which meant six little ducklings to teac
36、h to swim. One sunny spring morning, the first egg began to crack. Tap, tap, tap, went the duckling inside, trying to get out. Mother Duck watched as the egg cracked open and out popped 16.a fluffy(绒毛的) duckling. One, said Mother Duck proudly(骄傲地). The next day, the second egg hatched and out popped
37、 another fluffy duckling. Two, said Mother Duck proudly. On the third day, duckling number three hatched. That leaves just three, said Mother Duck. On the fourth and fifth day, ducklings number four and five hatched. That leaves just one, said Mother Duck, as she settled on her nest. Her ducklings g
38、atheredaround her. But on the sixth day nothing happened. Nor on the seventh. How strange, said Mother Duck on the seventh day. It should have hatched by now. One of the farmyard chickens wandered by. Oh, she said. Youre still there I thought youd be on the pond by now. Its this last egg, said Mothe
39、r Duck. It hasnt hatched yet. Let me see, said the chicken. Well no wonder. It 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL looks like a goose egg to me. Youll be here for a long time. Oh dear, said Mother Duck. I have my five little ducklings to teach to swim. What shall I do? I cant leave it. Aah well, said the chicke
40、n, and she wandered off. The goose heard that one of her eggs was in Mother Ducks nest. Is it true? she asked, as she puffedup to the nest. Do you have one of my eggs? I think so, said Mother Duck. They both looked in the nest. Huh, said the goose. Thats not mine. It looks more like that absent-mind
41、ed turkeys egg. As they looked, they suddenly heard the faint tapping. The shell was breaking. Well soon see, said the goose. They watched and waited. Oh, said the goose. Oh, dear, said Mother Duck, as she looked at the sixth duckling. It looked most strange, it was straggly adj. 蔓延的七零八落的) and grey
42、where its brothers and sisters were fluffy and yellow. It was also bigger than them. It quacked as it saw its mother. Well, if its a turkey, said the goose, it wont swim. Mother Duck hurried her ducklings to the pond. She waddled in and listened. Splash! Splish! Splosh! Splash! Splish! She turned an
43、d looked. All six ducklings followed her in the water. Oh, well, she said. He can swim. He is definitely not a turkey. The sixth duckling was very good at swimming, and was soon swimming better than his brothers and sisters. Back at the farmyard, things did not go well for the little duckling. Every
44、one called him an ugly duckling. The chickens laughed at him, the turkeys chased him and the geese hissed at him. Soon even his brothers and sisters would not talk to him, but when his 往链点点通www.WL 往链点点通www.WL mother turned away, he was very sad. He decided to leave the farmyard. One sunny morning, h
45、e walked out of the farmyard and didnt look back. He wandered away, looking for somewhere new to live. When hed been walking a while he came to a large lake. There were some ducks swimming on it. He swam up to them. May I stay on this lake? he asked. Of course, said the ducks. Well be moving on soon
46、. Why dont you join us, if youre on your own? Thank you, said the duckling. The duckling stayed on the lake and day by day he grew bigger. One day he looked up to see some large white birds flying gracefully over the lake. Theyre beautiful, he whispered, and then sighed. I wonder who they are? One day the ducks came to see him. Its autumn, and were going now, they told him, join us if you want to.
