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1、Overcoming Shyness How to Feel More ConfidentOvercoming Shyness: How to Feel More Confident “Each time we face a fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.” Unknown Im 25 years old and Im currently in Minsk, Belarus, but thats not where Im from. In my relatively short life Ive liv
2、ed in many cities and countries all around the world, including Amsterdam, Cape Town (South Africa), Prague, Budapest, and Paris, to name a few. I went to many of these places on my own or because of a new friend or girlfriend I met. I was only able to make these moves because I overcame my shyness
3、and learned to be confident. For most of my life I was incredibly shy and introverted and had minimal self-confidence. I didnt have many friends at school, I wasnt popular at all, and I got made fun of regularly. I never understood why, because Im a nice guy, smart, okay-looking. But whatever the re
4、asons, it conditioned me to believe that there was something wrong with me and that I just didnt make the grade of a good human being. This had a big affect on my confidence and it caused me to become even more introverted than I naturally was because it was just easier to pull back into my world th
5、an deal with criticism. Communities like schools, universities, and work places tend to be very “cliquey.” Groups form, and it can be difficult to associate with people from another group, but its not impossible. Once you get a better understanding of social dynamics it becomes a lot easier to make
6、friends and increase your social circles, no matter where in the world you are. It took me years of trial and error, with countless experiments, books, seminars, and tons of failure and rejection before I overcame my shyness and built my confidence. The good news is that it doesnt need to take you n
7、early half as long to become more confident, both to make new friends and increase your odds of success. Sometimes people can be quick to judge and label based on stereotypes and perceptions. Not everyone will take the time to reach out to you and get to know you before they label you. This brings m
8、e to my first tip: One of the best ways to overcome shyness is to make it a habit of speaking to everyone. This sounds like a bit of a catch-22 situation, since you need to have confidence to be able to speak to people, and you need to speak to people to build confidence. The trick is to start small
9、, for example just start saying “hello” or “good morning” to one person every day. Then when you start feeling more comfortable with this, start speaking to two people every day, and increase the length of your conversations. Dont limit yourself to speaking to people you know or “click” with. Talk t
10、o everyone in your community, talk to men, women, young, old, whether they seem normal, strange, or crazyeven if its just to say hello. Many people wont take the initiative to get to know you, so that just means you have to get to know them and give them the chance to get to know you. Youll find tha
11、t the majority of people who you start a conversation with are really friendly. If you remember this, reaching out to someone new wont seem so scary. Many insecurities, fears, and doubts stem from lack of understanding or lack of knowledge about something. The more you understand and know about a si
12、tuation, the more comfortable you will be and thus the less power your shyness will have over you. Lets take for example the subject of public speaking. This is an activity that terrifies most people half to death, but only because most people dont have much knowledge about it. If you do some resear
13、ch and investigation, youll come to learn that its perfectly natural to be terrified of public speaking, and that almost every single person has the same fears and insecurities that you do. When you take it further and ask yourself why you are so terrified of this, youll come to learn that you are s
14、cared of being judged, or of being laughed at. From there, you can go and read and learn about people who are good at public speakinglearn their tips and strategies. This way you are much more prepared because your knowledge on the subject is vast. As a result of this, your confidence will already b
15、e much higher than before, which might allow you to attempt public speaking when you join a club like Toastmasters. As you practice more, you will naturally become even more confident. This rule applies to any area where you feel insecure. Read and research as much about the topic as possible. This
16、will help increase your confidence enough to give the activity a try to see if you might be able to become better at it. And that initial confidence to take action is all you need to get the ball rolling and overcome your shyness. Overcoming Shyness Tip #3: Practice and Be Persistent The third and f
17、inal tip that you need for overcoming shyness is to practice endlessly and never give up. Theory and education will only show you the path to becoming confident, but you still need to actually walk it to gain the full benefits. The more you practice, the better youll become. At anything. If you want
18、 to become better at public speaking, you need to give dozens and dozens of speeches to feel at ease with it. I used to be super shy when it came to talking to girls, and as a result my relationship with the opposite sex was pretty much non-existent. I started by reading every book related to dating
19、 and talking to strangers that I could get my hands on. After that, I spent close to three years approaching literally hundreds of girls in clubs, bars, and malls. It was the only way to overcome my shyness and become confident at talking to them. Approaching so many girls, I faced a lot of rejectio
20、n. At times that was painful and damaging to my ego and self-esteem, but I always kept in mind that it was necessary for improvement. So I kept going. Thats exactly what you need to do to overcome your shyness: take action, practice, and dont give up until you get the results you were aiming for. Yo
21、u will face setbacks, failures, and rejections, but ultimately those are all necessary to build more confidence. I know what its like to be shy and have little or no confidence, and I know for a fact that you can turn that around. 克服害羞：怎样感受到更多的自信 我已经25岁了，目前在白俄罗斯首都明斯克， 但我并不来自这里。在这段相对较短的生命里， 我在世界上的许多国
22、家和城市居住过， 包括阿姆斯特丹，开普敦，布拉格，布达佩斯以及巴黎等等。 这当中的许多地方我都是自己一个人去的， 有时因为一个新朋友，有时是因为我曾经相遇的女友。 我之所以能够这样做是因为我克服了自己的害羞并学会自信。 在我生活中的大多数情况下，我非常害羞内向，缺乏足够的自信。 在学校里我没有什么朋友， 我也根本不受欢迎，而且经常会被别人取笑。 我不知道为什么会这样， 我是一个友好的人， 聪明，长得也不差。 不管原因是什么， 我都以为我一定是某个地方做的不好， 或者我还没有达到一个好人的标准。 这极大地影响了我的信心，而且使我变得更加内向，因为对我来说，回到自己的世界比处理那些批评要容易得多。
23、 社会团体如学校，大学或工作场合越来越小集团化。一个个团体形成，与来自另一个团体的人交往变得困难起来， 但这并不意味着不可能。 一旦你对社会动力学有了更好的了解，无论你在世界的哪个角落，交友或者扩大社会圈都会变得更容易。 经过多年的磨难与犯错，大量的失败与拒绝以及无数次的实验，阅读与参加研讨会， 我最终克服了害羞，树立了自信。 好消息是你只需花上一半用来交友和增加成功几率的时间就可以使自己变得更自信。 有时人们会基于刻板模式或凭感觉很快的判断或定义别人。并不是所有人都愿意花时间去真正接触或者认识你。这使我产生了第一个应对方法。 第一条：对每个人都要说话 克服害羞的最好方法之一就是形成对每个人说
24、话的习惯。 这听起来像第二十二条军规的处境，因为你一方面需要自信地和别人交谈，另一方面你又要通过和别人交谈来树立信心。这个策略可以从小处着手。例如你可以开始每天都对一个人说你好或者早上好。 当你感觉到自己可以从容地做这件事时，就可以开始每天对两个人说，同时增加对话的长度。 不要限制自己只对认识的人或者一见如故的人说话。要对你周围所有的人说话，无论男女老少，也不管是正常的，奇怪的还是疯狂的。即使只是说一句你好。 许多人不会主动去认识你，因此你就要去试着认识他们，然后给他们机会去认识你。 你会发现实际上和你谈话的大多数人是友好的。如果你能记住这一点，接触陌生人并不像看起来的那么可怕。 第二条：教育
25、你自己 许多不自信，恐惧和猜疑源于你对一些事情缺乏了解与认知。你对于一个情况了解的越多，你就会越从容不迫，你害羞的感觉就越无法控制你。 以公开演讲为例。这是一个令大多数人怕到要死的活动。实际上这只是因为大多数人对他缺乏了解。如果去做一些调查或者研究，你就会知道害怕公众演讲是完全正常的，几乎每一个人都有和你一样的恐惧与不自信。 当你进一步询问自己为什么这么害怕公众演讲，就会知道因为自己害怕遭人批评，害怕被取笑。就这一点来说，你可以去阅读并学习那些擅长公众演讲的人的方法与策略。 用这种方法你就会觉得自己准备充分，因为你已经对这方面了解到很多。随即，你的自信心就会增强，这会使你即使在参加一个俱乐部的
26、时候都会愿意尝试进行公众演讲就像主持人一样。你训练的越多，你自然而然地就会变得越来越自信。 这条规则适用于任何你觉得不自信的时候。尽量多地阅读并调查这个话题。这有助于你增加信心，并到达足以让你尝试并看看自己能否在这方面做得更好。开始并克服害羞所需要的就是最初促进你行动的这份自信。 第三条：练习并坚持 你需要克服害羞的第三个方法，也是最后一条，就是永无止境地练习，决不放弃。理论和教育只能为你指明变得自信的道路，但你仍需要真正地踏上这条路去获得所有的好处。你练习的越多，你就会变得越好。任何事都是这样。 如果你想在公众演讲时做得更好，你就需要进行许许多多的演讲来让自己不再拘泥紧张。 过去每次一和女孩
27、子讲话时，我都会非常害羞。结果我几乎没有什么异性伙伴。 我开始阅读每一本关于约会以及与身边陌生人交谈的书。之后，我又花了将近三年的时间真实的接触上百个在俱乐部，酒吧以及商场遇见的女孩。这是唯一能够克服害羞并使我自信的与她们交谈的方法。 接触如此多的女生，我也面对很多拒绝。有时这是痛苦的，而且会伤害我的自尊心，但我总是不断地告诉自己为了提高这是必须的，因此我继续向前。 这就是克服害羞所需要做的：开始行动，锻炼一直到你达到自己预期的目标。你会面对很多挫折，失败和拒绝，但是归根结底这些对于建立更多的自信是非常必须的。 我知道害羞以及很少或没有自信是什么样的， 而且我也知道一个事实，那就是你可以改变这一切。
