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1、哗鬼学院事情要从几天前说起Itallbeganacoupleofdaysago,还是昨天？orwasityesterday?好像过了很久Itseemslikeaneternity.典型美国校园的典型春日AtypicalspringdayonatypicalAmericancampus拉瓦托尔学院1.avatoireCollege,并非完全典型wellnotentirelytypical,这毕竟是“猪日”的前一天thiswasafterallthedaybeforeHogDay一些学生已经开始疯狂andsomeofthestudentshadalreadystartedtogocrazy.我不知
2、道这对我来说有多疯狂1.ittledidIknowhowcrazyitwouldgetforme.也是捐赠日的前一天Itwasalsothedaybeforeendowmentday.那是格里姆肖校长ThatsPresidentGrimshaw正在宣布新的建筑项目announcingthenewbuildingproject旁边是他的连襟，也是承包商withhisbrotherinlaw,thecontractor.某位玛德琳埃洛伊丝拉瓦托瓦尔AcertainMadelineEloiseLavatoire,创始人唯一在世的后人theonlylivingdescendantofthefounde
3、r第二天就飞过来付款wasflyinginthenextdaytopickupthetab.某个来自法国的老太婆人们这么说SomeoldbabefromFrance,orsotheysaid,各位淡定还没开始easyfellows,notyet.但我的故事就从那天晚上开始Butmystorybeginsthatnight我莫名其妙地来到了校长办公室Isomehowfoundmyselfinthepresidentsoffice为了重要的课外活动workinglateon工作到很晚importantextracurricularactivities.对就是我比利巴特森Yeah,thatsme,B
4、illyBatson,“一意孤行先生Mr.Onetrackmind.女孩是朱迪海托尔ThegirlisJudyHightower,学生会皇后和全优生sororityqueenandstraightAstudent.如果她看起来有点紧张Ifsheseemsalittlenervous,她有很多心事shesgotalotonhermind.明天是大型捐赠仪式Tomorrowisthebigendowmentceremony她负责安排andshesinchargeofthearrangements.我告诉她我会帮她的Itoldherdhelpherout.嘿我就是这样的人Hey,thatstheki
5、ndofguyIam.那么舒服吗So,comfortable?尽可能舒适WellascomfortableasIcanbe考虑到我们不应该consideringwe,renotsupposedtobe下班后在格里姆肖校长的办公室inPresidentGrimshawsofficeafterhours.你不记得格里姆肖说过什么吗DontyourememberwhatGrimshawsaid?”面向所有拉瓦托尔学院的学生Thedoortothisofficeisalwaysopen办公室的大门永远敞开着”toanystudentofLavatoireCollege.他没说他本人一定要在这里Hedi
6、dntsayhehadtobehere.他也没说你应该贿赂看门人Andhedidntsaythatyoushouldbribethejanitor让你进来toletyouinifhewasnt别紧张Dontbenervous,我们是这栋楼里仅有的两个灵魂weretheonlytwosoulsinthebuilding.是啊如果有人来了Yeahandifsomeonedoescomein,我们可以说因为我们要加班wecanjusttellthemthatwe,reworkinglate,为捐赠委员会工作到很晚不是吗workingfortheEndowmentCommittee,cantwe?没错
7、Thatsright他们会说“这就是学校精神”andtheyllsay,That,sschoolspirit.他们不必知道我们根本没有工作Theydonthavetoknowthatwewerentworkingatall.我一直期待着与你独处vebeenlookingforwardtobeingalonewithyou.我已经等了好几个月了vebeenwaitingmonthsforthis.我们可能再也没有这样的机会了Wemayneverhavethischanceagain.比利不是那里好痒Billy,notthere,thattickles.也许我们应该工作Maybeweshouldw
8、ork.朱迪还有什么可做的？Judy,whatstherelefttodo?你把一切都准备得非常好Youvedoneafantasticjobgettingeverythingready,皆大欢喜everybody,shappy.格里姆肖校长很高兴PresidentGrimshawshappy,你开心我就开心yourehappy,Imhappy.我太高兴了msohappy.比利停下听我说Billy,stop,listen,我不想让你把这件事放在心上nowIdontwantyoutotakethispersonally但是与名声如此之差的人butanykindofarelationshipnow
9、在一起的任何关系withsomeonewhohassuchabadreputation可能真的是灾难性的couldreallybedisastrous.哦不我不会在平Ohno,dsurvive.我说的是我自己mtalkingaboutme.我不能冒这么大的风险Ijustcantrisksomuchatstake,我的奖学金、所有的推荐信和法学院myfellowshipandalltherecommendationsandlawschool.我是说你是个聪明人比利Imeanyoureanintelligentguy,Billy,如果情况有所不同andmaybeifthingswerediffer
10、ent但如果有人看到我现在的样子我会失去一切butifanybodycouldseemerightnowdloseeverything.所以也许我该趁着还有时间赶紧离开SomaybeIjustbetterleavewhilethere,sstilltime.有的是时间Theresplentyoftime.比利等等Billy,wait.什么事？Yes?你有那东西吗Doyouhaveathing?是的我有那东西Yes,Ihaveathing.不是指那个是别的东西Nonotthatthing,theotherthing.还有什么东西？Whatotherthing?你懂的保护措施Youknow,pro
11、tection?套子？Arubber?我有套子吗DoIhavearubber?当然没有Ofcoursenot.如果我现在Whatwouldyouthink从口袋里掏出一个套套你会怎么想？ifIpulledarubberoutofmypocketrightnow?你会以为我是看在上帝的份上勾引你YoudthinkIwastryingtoseduceyouforChristssake而不是抓住这个载难逢的机会insteadofthisspontaneous,onceinalifetimeopportunity两个人不可抗拒地相互吸引forabeautifulandgenuineexperience
12、共同获得sharedbytwopeople美丽而真实的体验irresistiblyattractedtoeachother.不我不是这个意思No,that,snotwhatImeant.我只是想也许你会有一个Ijust,Ithoughtmaybeyoumighthaveone.我们必须有所保护Wehavetohavesomething.嗯出事的几率是如此之小Well,theoddsagainstanythinghappeningaresogreat,这需要奇迹itdtakeamiracle.对不起比利但是没门msorry,Billy,buttheresnoway.格里姆肖一定会有Grimsha
13、wsgottahaveone.也许改天吧Maybesomeothertime.我马上回来药店还开着呢llberightback,thedrugstoresstillopen.太晚了他们关门了Itstoolate,they1reclosed.我还能想到一个地方拿着这个Icanthinkofoneotherplace,nursethis.我十分钟后回来想着我llbebackin10minutes,thinkofme.比尔巴特森我的朋友BillBatson,myman.巴杜奇运气真好Barducci,whatluck.听着1.isten.套套哦对不起伙计Rubbers,ohsorrymyman.你为
14、什么不打个结呢巴特森？Whydontyoutieitinaknot,Batson?我来帮你比利lldoitforyou,Billy.哟试试用纱布包起来Yo,trysomesaranwrap.那样能行？Doesthatwork?啊Ah.好了Allright.啊Ah.医生有心跳Doctor,we,vegotabeat.没用的他的瞳孔扩散了It,snogood,hispupilsareblown.谁去把门关上Somebodyclosethatdoor.你想带他去做手术吗Doyouwanttotakehimdowntosurgery?不已经太迟了No,itsalreadybeentoolong.呃就这
15、样吧他活不过来了Well,thatsit,hesnotgonnacomethrough.我可以连接呼吸器Icanconnecttherespirator.不别管他No,leavehimalone,也许我们会收到移植请求maybewe,llgetatransplantrequest.你的头发看起来棒极了Yourhairlooksterrific.当然-我会尽量通知Suredoes.-lltrytonotify他的家人hisfamily.不用麻烦了他没有Dontbother,hedoesnthaveany.等等他们不能放弃啊Holdit,theycantgiveup,怎么回事？whathappen
16、ed,whatsthis?你打了一场漂亮仗比利Youfoughtthegoodfight,Billy但她只写了这些butthatsallshewrote.你不记得我了吗Dontyourememberme?平奇叔叔老好人平奇巴特森UnclePinky,goodoldPinkyBatson.平奇巴特森叔叔UnclePinkyBatson.对Right.你给了我人生第一瓶啤酒Yougavememyfirstbeer.我一定是四岁时参加野餐那次Imustvebeenfouryearsoldatapicnic.你还记得那太好了Youremember,thatsgreat.但你死了Butyoudied.是
17、的大约一年后Yeah,aboutayearlater,太多的酒太多的女人toomuchbooze,toomaybroads,老巴特森诅咒比利theoldBatsoncurse,Billy.但如果你死了Butifyou,redead.现在是我们两个伙计Thatmakestwoofus,pal.别难过没那么糟糕Dontbesore,itaintsobad.来吧我们得走了Nowcomeon,wegottago.去哪儿？Gowhere?你会大吃一惊的比利Youllbesurprised,Billy.看看他们什么时候派人来接你Seewhentheysendsomebodytopickyouup,必须是你
18、认识和喜欢的人itsgottabesomebodythatyouknowandlike而你又是个年轻人andyoubeingayoungfellaandalb他们会从家里派人过来theysendsomebodyfromthefamily.这太疯狂了我不可能死这太荒谬rThisiscrazy,Icantbedead,itsabsurd.比利我无能为力一点办法也没有TheresnothingIcandoaboutitBilly,nothingatall.听着我只需要再多一天平奇1.ook,allIneedisonemoreday.Pinky,这就是我所需要的that,sallIneed.告诉他你找
19、不到我Tellhimyoucouldntfindme,告诉他们我逃跑了tellemIranaway.是啊Yeah.你想搞砸？Youwanttoblowit?你做到了我的孩子你做到了Youmadeit,myboy,youmadeit.打起精神来这不是我能控制的Nowcheerup,itsoutofmyhands.现在我们要往前走Nowwe,regonnawalkdown到走廊尽头那盏漂亮的白灯那里tothatnicewhitelightattheendofthehallway.一旦我们进去Andoncewegetinside,你将听到最美妙的音乐youregonnahearthepretties
20、tmusicyoueverheard然后是真亚壮观的情景andthenthereallyspectacularpart.哦你看到那个了吗Oh,wouldyougetaloadofthat.比利我离开太久了伙计Billy,vebeenawaytoolong,pal.听着我还是能让你准时进门的1.isten,Icanstillgetyouthroughthedoorontime.你就待在这里Youstayrighthere,我马上回来llbebackinaminute.别乱跑好吗Nowdontgoanywhere,alright?好的Okay.对不起亲爱的-嗯哼Excuseme,dear.-Uhh
21、uh.我叫平克顿巴特森MynameisPinkertonBatson.我是不是在哪里见过你？DontIknowyoufromsomewhere?哦我没-你看起来好面熟WellIdon,t-Youlooksofamiliar.你有没有去过Haveyoueverbeen-好的Allright.你可以成为我的下一个封♥面♥女♥郎♥Youcouldbemynextcovergirl.嘿听着Hey,listen,我说的是实话你可能是mtellingyouthetruth,youcouldbe.来吧我没跟你开玩笑Comeon.-mnotkidding
22、you.我是认真的Imeanit.很简单亲爱的lt,ssimpledear,我会让我的司机来接我们llhavemychauffeurpickusup两小时后我们就到机场了andintwohourswellbeattheairport.明天早上我们就到巴黎了Tomorrowmorning,wellbeinParis.你叫什么名字来着？Whatisyournameagain?巴特森如巴特森石油公♥司♥Batson,asinBatsonOil.我的护照怎么办？Whataboutmypassport?我们不在我家停一下吗Wontwehavetostopatmyplace?哦
23、我差点忘了Oh,Ialmostforgotaboutthat你住的地方离这里不远吧？Youdon,tlivefarfromheredoyou?不就在拐角处No,rightaroundthecorner.太棒了Oh,that,sterrific.现在我得想想带些什么？NowIwonderwhatIcanpack?我真的没有合适的东西Idontreallyhavetherightthings也许在去机场的路上路边超♥市♥停一下？butmaybewecouldstopatSaksonthewaytotheairport?我们在等你Werewaitingforyou.我马上
24、就来老板llberightwithyou,boss.那孩子在哪儿？Wherestheboy?我刚见过他Ijustsawhim.他一出现我们就上路Assoonasheshowsup,wellbeonourway.但他在哪里呢？Butwhereishe?你没在床边问候他吗Didn,tyougreethimatbedside?我当然有就像你告诉我的那样Icertainlydidboss,justlikeyoutoldme.他一定是出去了一会儿Hemustvesteppedoutforaminute.他会来的他会来的Hellbehere,he,llbehere.你这个无能的狒狒Youincompete
25、ntdribblingbaboon.我不知道为什么派你来接人IdontknowwhyWesentyouonthispickup.他会回来的他能去哪里？Hellbehere,wherecouldhego?还等什么？Well,whatareyouwaitingfor?他显然在医院Hesobviouslyatthehospital,你得找到他youllhavetofindhim.现在吗老板？Nowboss?要么现在要么Noworelse.好主意Goodidea.你可以选择Youhaveyourchoice我们最好的雪茄ofthefinestofourcigars,你为什么非选那些糟糕的？whydoy
26、ouinsistonthoseawfulones?我喜欢它们Ilikeem.哦走吧Oh,getgoing.我从没见过三死亡的人还能硬Ineversawanyonebraindeadwithahardon.我猜你没见过我男朋友Iguessyounevermetmyboyfriend.比利Billy!嘘我回来了任务完成Shh,mback,missionaccomplished.天啊你不能这么做OhGod,youcantbedoingthis,这是女生联谊会thisisasorority.比格里姆肖的办公室好多了ItsbetterthanGrimshawsoffice正如我一直猜想的那样andasv
27、ealwayssuspected,你在这样的床上看起来更性感youlookmuchsexierinbedlikethis.这是我的一点心意Thisisalittletokenofmyesteem.把它收起来Putthataway!比利昨晚不管发生了什么Billy,lastnight,whateverhappened,如果我让你误会了那只是酒的问题ifIgaveyouthewrongideaitwasjustthewine.我们之间完全没有什么Thereisabsolutelynothingbetweenus.昨晚并不意味着什么1.astnightdoesntmeanathing.哦我15分钟后
28、有课Oh,vegotclassin15minutes,你必须离开这里youvegottogetoutofhere.嘘你会吵醒肯德尔的Shh,youllwakeKendall.听着急什么？1.isten,whatstherush?你还有10分钟Yougot10minutes.我的车停在外面Igotmycaroutside,我开车送你去上课lldriveyoutoclass.求你了我得穿上衣服Please,Ihavetogetdressed.没关系我不会妨碍你的It,sokay,I1stayoutofyourway.我在外面等你llmeetyououtside小心金曼太太andwatchoutfo
29、rMrs.Kingman.如果她在大厅里看到你Ifsheseesyouinthehall,咱俩都会被赶出学校wellbothbethrownoutofschool.朱迪如果你知道我怎么才走到今天这一步Judy,ifyouonlyknewwhatIwentthroughtogethere.朱迪我们能谈谈吗Judy,look,canwetalkaboutthis?朱迪朱迪JudyJudy!辛迪是你吗Cindy,isthatyou?对不起我不想让任何人看到我Sorry,didntwantanybodytoseeme.真不敢相信你还穿着睡衣Icantbelieveyourestillinyourpaj
30、amas.嘿休海夫纳就穿这个Hey,HughHefnerwears,em.看看他泡的那些妞1.ookatallthegirlshesgot.你为什么不翘课Whydontyoucutclass,我们去吃点早饭兜兜风we,llgogetsomebreakfast,takealittleride我会及时送你回去andIllgetyoubackintime去机场接拉瓦托瓦尔？topickupLavatoireattheairport?这节课不行Uhuh,notthisclass,要获得牛津大学的拉弗托尔奖学金IneedProfessorSylvestersletterofrecommendation我
31、需要西尔维斯特教授的推荐信ifIwanttheLavatoireatOxfordFellowship.那你忙你的Haveityourway,我要回家换件不那么舒服的衣服llgohomeandchangeintosomethinglesscomfortable下课后就来接你andpickyouuprightafterclass.听着我真的很感激你比利1.ook,Ireallyappreciateit,Billy,但我非常忙butIamawfullybusy你也一定有事情要做andyoumusthavethingstodo.不不我不介意No,no,Idontmind,别担心老比利巴特森dontwo
32、rryaboutoldBillyBatson.谢谢你巴特森现在我来接手Thankyou,Batson,lltakeovernow.你好格雷格HelloGreg.他在这里做什么？What,shedoinghere?他来上课比利Hesintheclass,Billy.如果你来上过课你就会知道Ifyouevercametoclass,youdknowthat.车不错巴特森Nicecar,Batson.是谁的？Who,sisit?我不知道我偷来的Idontknow,Istoleit.总是爱开玩笑Alwaysajoker.来吧朱迪我们不想迟到Comealong,Judy,wedontwanttobela
33、te.朱迪一小时后见HeyJudy,seeyouinaboutanhour.唉唉唉Ay,ay,ay.呀Yah.天哪这个地方Christ,thisplace.啊Ah.拉斯基醒醒醒醒1.asky,wakeup,wakeup.醒醒Wakeup.拉斯基天亮了1.asky,riseandshine.让我睡吧1.etmesleep.拉斯基这里不适合无所事事和碌碌无为1.asky,thisisnoplaceforidlenessandslugevents.像我们一样在课堂上睡觉Doyoursleepinginclassliketherestofus.我猜这是你的ThisisyoursIpresume.啊Ah
34、.今天是“猪日”Well,itisHogDay.呀Yah.好吧听着我们得离开这里几个小时Alright,listen,wegottagetoutofhereforacouplehours你必须马上寓开这里andyougottagetoutofhereimmediately.今天上午我得用一下房♥间Igottohavethehousethismorning.我饿了mhungry.你昨晚错过了一场盛宴Youmissedonehellofafeastlastnight.你去哪儿了比利？Wherewereyou,Billy?我在约会Iwasonadate严格来说我仍在那个约会andtec
35、hnically,mstillonthatdate.她45分钟后到Shesgonnabeherein45minutes而你得出去andyouarent.这东西很新鲜Thisstuffstaysprettyfresh.那女孩是谁？Sowhosthegirl?拉斯基运动起来1.asky,beasport收拾好你这边的房♥间andpickupyoursideoftheroom.没听说过“猪日”要打扫卫生NeverheardofcleaninguponHogDay.拜托Comeon,please.拉斯基出去1.asky,getoutofhere把自己洗干净andgetyourselfcl
36、eanedup.马上就去Inaminute.我不想刚吃完饭就拼命干活Idontwanttoworktoohardrightaftereating.我可能会抽筋Imightgetacramp然后我就得回去睡觉了andthendhavetogobacktobed.不No.丽塔进来之前先敲门怎么样？Rita,how,boutknockingbeforeyouwalkin?是的我听到你们在讨论Yeah,Iheardyouguyskickingaround我只是想知道发生了什么事？andIwasjustwonderingwhatwasgoingon?比利要带一个女孩回家Billysbringingagi
37、rlhome.这次又是谁？Well,whoisitthistime?比利是谁？Yeah,Billy,whoisit?别管Nevermind.那么是谁呢？-还剩卜谁？So,whoisit?-Whosleft?我想不出是谁Icantthinkofanyone.只剩下.你了Theonlyoneleftisyou.不是我我还在等待白马王子Notme,Imsavingmyselfforsomeone.嘿比利丽塔想出了一个好主意Hey,Billy,Ritacameupwithagreatidea为今晚的“猪游”准备一些额外的点心togetsomeextrarefreshmentsfortheHogOutt
38、onight.把那个给我Whenthecateringguys-Givemethat.下午抵达Arrivethisafternoon,她要假装自己是朱迪海托华shesgoingtopretendshe,sJudyHightower她会让他们开车过来-andshesgonnahaveemdriveover-现在正是绝佳的机会Nowstheperfectopportunity,他又累又饿又饥渴hestired,hungryandhorny.等我们把这里收拾干净Gogethimandtakehimdownstairs你把他带到楼下去afterwegetthisplacecleanedup.给你不是这
39、个Here,nohere.德皇做过保证Whichthekaiserhadguaranteed在1912年的一封电报中inatelegramof1912在1914年与法国人的私下谈判中也是如此andagaininprivatenegotiationswiththeFrenchin1914.没错高塔太太Thatsright,Mrs.Hightower既然你们其他人显然都不知道andsinceobviouslynoneoftherestofyouknows或不关心比利时在哪里orcareswhereBelgiumis,我们可以查地图wemightcheckthemap来看与德国的关系.toseewh
40、ereinrelationshiptoGermany-我想今天就到这里吧Ithinkthatsenoughfortoday.让我问问他关于你的推荐信1.etmeaskhimaboutyourrecommendation.帮助好朋友总是更容易It,salwayseasierhelpingoutagoodfriend.令人振奋的讲座先生Stimulatinglecture,sir.我还想问你dalsoliketoaskyou-滚开康斯特布尔FuckOffConstable,你个小烂货youlittlesuckass.好吧Right,okay.呃Uh.今天不是个好日子Today,snotsuchag
41、oodday,他有很多心事he,sgotalotonhismind.我们走吧？Shallwe?是的Yes.你和巴特森在一起干什么？WhatwereyoudoingwithBatson?哦他让我搭车去上课Oh,hegavemearidetoclass.我很感激这样的好意Iappreciateanicegesturelikethat.是的像巴特森这样的失败者吗Yes,butfromaloserlikeBatson?巴特森在这个校园的存在Batson,sexistenceonthiscampus是给每一位isaslapintheface认真接受教育的男女一记耳光toeverymanandwomanw
42、hotaketheireducationseriously.我相信他会同意你的看法msurehewouldagreewithyou.是的因为只有那种不成熟的白♥痴♥才会这么做Yes,causeonlyanimmaturemoronlikethatwould.你只需看看他Youjusthavetolookathim看出他心智不全toseethathesfeebleminded.话说回来你还能指望什么呢？Thenagain,whatdoyouexpect?他的背景他穿的那些衣服Hisbackground,thoseclotheshewears,他的朋友们他脸上永远是一副
43、愚蠢的表情hisfriends,theperpetuallystupidlookonhisface.我让你为了今晚的捐赠仪式Nowhaveyoudoneeverythingthatvegivenyoutodo所做的事你都做了吗？fortheendowmentceremonytonight?当然你要的三重奏我安排了Ofcourse,Igotyourstringtrio.他们在演奏勃拉姆斯的一些曲目时略显马虎TheyreatadsloppywithsomeoftheBrahms但如果演奏得不好butiftheyplaypoorly,那么他们就拿不到钱了well,theywontgetpaid.他们
44、给你很少的经费Theydontgiveyoumuchforyourmoney去做这些事是吗inthesethings,dothey?格雷格你可能需要一些Greg,youmightwantsomething咖♥啡♥因♥少点的withalittlelesscaffeine.这是个好主意Thatsagoodidea.咖♥啡♥因♥通常不会这样对我Caffeinedoesntusuallydothattome.或许来点酸奶或辣椒什么的Perhapssomeyogurtorsomechiliorsomething.如果明天我能参加捐赠仪式就好了IfIcanjustmakethisendowmentceremonytomorrow,他们就必须给我夏季牛津奖学金了theyllhavetogivemethatsummerOxfordFellowship.朱迪我会尽我所能帮助你你知道的JUdy,IllhelpyouanywayIcan,youknowth
