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1、（改编自朱丽叶麦丹尼尔的小说）（美国派夫妇）皇家棕檎第一季第十集不知道有没有跟你们说过我小时候HadItoldyou,whenIwasjustalittlegirl,曾梦想自己站在这里不只是站在人群中而是站在人群之上thatonedayIwouldstandhere,notjustamongthembutabovethem,到时人们会说“快把这女人关起来她疯了”youwouldvesaid,1.ockthatwomanup.Sheiscrazy.只是疯婆子和梦想家之间还是有一线之差Buttheresafinelinebetweenmadwomananddreamer.我一直相信在这泱泱大国里B
2、utvealwaysbelievedapersoncanbeanything人人都能实现任何梦想inthisgreatcountryofours.道格拉斯德拉科特太太伊芙琳罗林斯太太Mrs.DouglasDellacorteandMrs.EvelynRollins,以及前主办人诺玛德拉科特女士.inconjunctionwithMissNormaDellacorte,hostessemeritus-来点击鼓声谢了Drumroll,please-欢迎大家出席为保育和维护棕楣滩海岸线welcomeyoutothe50thanniversarygala而主办的第50届年度盛宴topreservean
3、dmaintainthecoastlineofPalmBeach.各位欢迎来到海滩晚宴WelcometotheBeachBall,yall!瞧我们两位好闺蜜携手主办这场海滩晚宴1.ookatus,acoupleofpalscohostingtheBeachBall.玛丽莎-嗨热切欢迎你们Marisa.-Hello.Youremostwelcome.幸会-亲爱的笑一个玩得开心点Nicetoseeyou.-Darling,smile.Enjoyyourself.话说第一次在棕楣滩见到你时我对你感到敬良不已Youknow,whenIfirstcametoPalmBeach,Iwaspetrified
4、ofyou.如今我发现我们俩原来有很多共同点NowIseeWehavealotmoreincommonthanIthought.因为我当时必须让你放弃这份念想啊1hadtoshakeyoudownforthisposition.瞧我们多像啊海伦Well,see,werealotalike.-Helen.亨利很高兴见到你Henry,nicetoseeyou.今晚的主角应该是我才对Thiswassupposedtobemynight.诺玛你确实是今晚的主角请柬上写着你的名字呢Butthisisyournight,Norma.Yournameisontheinvitation.我对这场活动的掌控权就
5、跟我的银行账户一样IhaveasmuchcontroloverthisaffairasIhavemybankaccounts.过去几十年来我们不断搜刮财富累积权势Wespenddecadesscrappingformoneyandpowerand博取在辉煌报上的一小块版位oureightinchesintheShinySheet.直到某天突然中风AndthenonedayWeembolize.彻底被人遗忘Andthenwerecompletelyforgotten.变老被当成无助的小孩对待这种感觉太难受了lt,sterriblegrowingold,beingtreatedlikeahelpl
6、esschild.最可怕的是这些陌生人Andtheworstofitarethesestrangers.这些，家人，突然闯进来掌管我们的命运Familybargingin,takingcontrolofyourdestiny.天啊要说这不是奇耻大辱Oh,God,itwouldbeinfuriating恐怕也意难平吧ifitwasntsodeeplyhumiliating.尚皮埃尔你好Hello,Jean-Pierre.你好Hello.你请的宇航员呢Wheresyourastronaut?他在换上宇航服He,sputtinghissuiton.嗨腓特烈-嗨Frederick,hello.-Hel
7、lo.去叫他出来宾客们可能越等越不耐烦快去迎宾待客这种事我会Retrievehim.Theguestsmightgrowrestless.Runalong.Iknowhowtohost.玛西-你好很高兴见到你Marcy.-Hello.Howlovelytoseeyou.玛西马克真好看Marcy.-Mark.Divine.玛可欣和道格拉斯是哪门子的家人WhoareMaxineandDouglasanyway?罗伯特你才是我真正的家人Youremyrealfamily,Robert我们一起有过一些美好的回忆不是吗Wevehadsomegoodtimes,haventwe?以后也会有的Andgetr
8、eadyformore.那就好Good.那就好办了Thenit,ssettled.好办了Settled?我们明天一起去法♥院♥Well,wellgodowntothecourthousetomorrow.我对享受婚姻性权利没兴趣只是认为我们在一起会很快乐Ihavenoexpectationsofconjugalrights,butwellhavefun.我们会守护彼此Wellprotecteachother.等我死后AndwhenIdie,我会将全部财产留给心爱的丈夫llleaveallofthistomybelovedhusband.丈夫Husband?我从来没想
9、过要结婚我认为婚姻是过时的传统Iveneverbeenthemarryingkind.Itsanantiquatedtradition.但是如今我懂了ButnowIknow.唯有婚姻能为我们俩带来保障Thisistheonlythingthatwillprotectusboth.娶我罗伯特Marryme,Robert.你看起来跟往常不同Youlookdifferent.精神没那么紧绷1.essconstipated.道格拉斯少跟我说好听的话我的继女已经供出你的恶行了Dontsweet-talkme,Douglas.Mystepdaughterrattedyouout.你还真是条双头蛇啊Your
10、eadouble-crosser.我不知道佩内洛普跟你说了什么IdontknowwhatPenelopetoldyou,事实是我跟她提出一项企划而她也答应了butImadeherabusinessopportunity,andshetookit.投资什么烂企划吗Aninvestmentinwhat?TheAssholeBrigade?真好笑-你这辈干从没做过正确的决定Thatsfunny.-Well,youalwaysmakethewrongchoice.假如你当初听诺玛的话结婚成家IfyouhadsimplydonewhatNormawantedandgottenmarried当个乖孩子早.
11、就继承她的财产了likeagoodboy,youwouldhaveinheritedallofhermoney斯基特的财产也任你挥霍仔细想想看andallofSkeet,smoneytoboot.Now,thinkaboutit.可惜你坚持要亲手摧毁自己的人生Butyouseemdeterminedtobetheauthorofyourowndestruction.有请粉哥与其夫人金伯莉马科太太入场Mr.andMrs.PinkyKimberly-Marco.我的生意伙伴到了失陪了Ifyoullexcuseme,mybusinesspartnersarehere.他们-粉哥我的好兄弟Them?-
12、Pinky,myman.嗨让我来吧Hello.Allowme.你打扮得真好看Youlookamazing.我们要为棕楣滩谱写新的未来WearewritingthenextchapterofPalmBeach.千万别被遗忘了Dontbeafootnote.格兰特宇航员赫尔基蒙Grant?AstronautHerkimer?他20分钟前离开了Heleft20minutesago.什么-我也要走了What?-mleavingtoo.不行蜜丝这是No.No,Mitzi,w-谁来为我推出阶梯呢Who,sgonnapushoutmystaircase?我已经教会了几个女舞者Itaughtacoupleof
13、theshowgirls.她们非常专业Theyrereallytheprofessionals.没有你这场晚宴就办不成了IcantdismountmyballwithoutmyMitzi.德士在等我了Mycabiswaiting.叫那辆德士等着你是巾帼英雄国家需要你Putyouridlingcabonice.Yourcountryneedsyou,patriotess.罗伯特呢WheresRobert?嗨诺玛我会代替罗伯特成为你今晚的伴儿Hi,Norma.mtakingRobert,splaceasyourdatetonight.什么What?玛可欣需要你帮忙Maxineneedsyourhe
14、lp.别走No.我去去就回来-别走llberightback.-No.别这样嘛我去去就回来别乱走Comeon.Berightback.Don,tmove.女士请让我检杳你的手提袋MayIseeyourbag,maam?我有权保护隐私Ihavearighttoprivacy.这是标准流程Justaformality.我们可不希望再有剌客躲在草丘后刺杀总统WedontwantanotherGrassyKnollonourhands.好在这里是海滩Well,luckyforyou,thisisabeach.玩得开心点Enjoyyournight.正有此意Iplanto.有请玛丽梅莉迪丝戴维索夫人入场
15、Mrs.MaryMeredithDavidsoul.玛丽谢天谢地你终于想通了Mary!Thankgoodnessyou,vecometoyoursenses也终卜离开了那群脏兮兮的嬉皮士andrenouncedthosefilthyhippies.那群嬉皮士Well,thosehippies已经被联调局带走了justgottakenawaybytheFBI.琳达也被带走了,Didtheytake1.indatoo?琳达已经逃到精修所避风头在那边住上一年1.indahasabscondedtoanashram.Forayear.连告别也免了吗Withoutsomuchasagoodbye?事情发
16、生得太快了Ithappenedquick.玛丽你是说房♥子没人了So,Mary,thehouseisempty?空空如也毫无生气Forallintentsandpurposes.谢rGoodtoknow.琳达1.inda?救命啊Help!琳达1.inda?救命啊Help!维吉妮亚快救我出去Virginia,pleasegetmeoutofhere.等等别让门关上Wait!Dontletthedoorslam.门是从外面反锁的Itlocksfromtheoutside.怎么回事-帮我松绑Whathappened?-Getmeout.你怎么会被绑在这里是谁干的Howdidyouget
17、likethis?Whodidthis?玛丽-玛丽Mary.-Mary?她想杀了总统-什么Shestryingtokillthepresident.-What?是的她打算枪杀总统Yes,shesgonnashoothim.我帮你的次数够多了现在还要我帮你也太离谱了Youveaskedalotofme,butthistakesthecake.总统要来跟宇航员会面了Thepresidentiscomingtomeettheastronaut.我可不想假冒Well,mnotgonnabeimpersonatingsomeone来自美国宇航局的宇航员这是犯法的fromtheUnitedStatesSp
18、aceProgram.Thatsgottobeillegal.戴上这种小帽子后所有宇航员不都看起来-样吗Dontallastronautslookthesameinthoselittlehats?那不是帽子Thatsnotahat.重点是不会有人发现的Thepointis,noonewouldeverknow.你就当不是为了尼克松AnddontthinkaboutitasdoingsomethingforNixon.而是为了诺玛ThinkaboutitasdoingsomethingforNorma.她已经被社交季遗忘了Theseasonhasleftherbehind.虽然她嘴上不说但我知道
19、她心里很难受Andshedoesntleton,butIknowitshardforher.大家都想见一见那位宇航员如果有他在诺玛身边Everyonewantstomeetthatastronaut,andifheswithher,整晚陪伴在侧她就会成为全场的焦点byhersideallnight,shestillgetstobecenterstage.你想得真周到啊Thatsverythoughtfulofyou.求你答应吧就当是为了诺玛Pleaseagree.ForNorma.不要No.是为了你们俩Forthetwoofyou.你真是的Oh,you!谢谢谢谢你罗伯特Thankyou.Tha
20、nkyou,Robert.那天Theotherday.我站在露台上你whenIwasonthepatioand.你离开前对我说了一声“我爱你”yousaidyoulovedmeasyouwalkedaway.是啊我记得Yes,ofcourse.我只想告诉你我也爱你Well,IjustwannatellyouthatIloveyoutoo.我先走了AsIwalkaway.这位全场最漂亮的女人是谁啊我还真是何等幸运Whoisthemoststunningwomanhere?AndhowdidIgetsolucky?幸运的是我才对谢r艾迪mtheluckyone.Thankyou,Eddie.你这狐
21、狸精Yousnake!有请黛娜多纳休小姐与未婚夫艾克索罗森赫普斯入场MissDinahDonahueandherbetrothed,AxelRosenhips.黛娜你应该认识我的男伴艾迪吧他是俱乐部的网球教练Dinah,Ibelieveyouknowmydate,Eddie.Fromtheclub.幸会Pleasure.各位请听我说儿句话你们都玩得开心吗Attention,everyone!Yallhavingfun?很好我好开心啊Good.msoglad.希望你们都爱吃肉酱三明治和乡村奶酪Hopeyoureenjoyingyoursloppyjoesandthecottagecheese.还
22、有布恩农场的红酒AndtheBoone,swine.我们准备了大量的布恩红酒想喝多少就有多少ThereslotsofBoones.BottomlessBoone,s!现在请容我借你们的掌声有请今晚的贵宾登场Now,ifyouwouldpleasehelpmewelcomethemanofthehour,欢迎格兰特赫尔基蒙少校MajorGrantHerkimer.也就是把本人从深海上救起的宇航员Theastronautwhosavedme,yourstruly,fromthewaterydeep!他穿着宇航服出场了Thereheis!Inhissuit.他就是宇航员赫尔基蒙AstronautHe
23、rkimer.他原本打算今晚在台上致词Hewasplanningongivingaspeechtonight提醒大家海岸保育工作的重要性abouttheimportanceofcoastalpreservation,可惜butunfortunately,他从外太空回来后患上了严重的喉炎hehascomedownwithaverysuddenandnastycaseofspacelaryngitis.他不想传播病菌Hedoesntwannaspreadanygerms.因此今晚So,fortherestoftheevening,他会一直戴着头盔以当初出任务的造型出席晚宴hellkeephisvi
24、sordowninthedeployedposition.但他本人就在里面Buthesinthere.对吧Right?他出不了声Hecantsay.真的吗天啊Really?Oh,my.刚刚那位先生跟我说:“总统将在90分钟后抵达会场”T-minus90tillthepresidentarrives.That,swhatthatmanjustsaid.请大家找到自己的席位坐下So,ifyoucouldpleasefindyourtables.我们会端上晚餐也就是肉酱三明治Dinnerwillbeserved.Sloppyjoes.节目将在总统柢达后开始Thepresidentwillarrive
25、,andtheshowwillbegin,111射谢Thankyou!嗨Hi.我房♥里挂着你的海报呢Igotaposterofyouinmyroom.嘿别紧张是我有我在Hey,dontpanic.Itsme.mhere.你搞什么鬼怎么穿上宇航服了呢Whatinthehellareyoudoinginthatgetup?帮玛可欣啊HelpingMaxine.我想把房♥子钱等全部财产都交给你Iwantyoutohaveeverything,thehouseandthemoney.只是你必须在我和玛可欣之间做出选择Butyou,regoingtohavetochooseb
26、etweenherandme.赫尔基蒙少校MajorHerkimer?我们的席位在这里呢Heresourtable.你确定吗Areyousure?没想到我们会坐在一起Ihadnoideawe,dbesittingtogether.这也太好了Buthowcozy.我知道这些席位名卡是谁做的Iknowwhomadetheseplacecards.这种潦草的字迹一看就知道是谁的drecognizeyourfourth-gradecursiveanywhere.我们这些老朋友就不能好好用餐吗就当是双人约会吧Cantoldfriendsenjoyameal?1.ikeadoubledate,还有玛丽pl
27、usMary.宇航员不错吧不知道他喝不喝橙汁Howaboutthatspaceman,huh?WonderifhedrinksTang.玛可欣来一起坐Max,comejoinus.你玩得开心吗很开心Youhavingfun?-Oh,yes.我家女王来了Theresmyqueen.玛可欣我们想上台致词五分钟Maxine,wewouldliketohavethemicforfiveminutes.介意告诉我原因吗YoumindifIaskwhy?我们打算今晚宣布创立新的俱乐部好主意Wereannouncingtheclubtonight.-Whataswellidea.何必这么着急呢Whatsth
28、ebigrush?社交季来到尾声了Itstheendoftheseason.今晚过后不会再有人在乎外面的风风雨雨Noonewillcareaboutanythingthathappensaftertonight.我们还没正式签约呢Well,wehaventofficiallysignedourpaperworkyet.起码我还没签Well,Ihavent,anyway.我才是诺玛的监护人mNormasconservator.还有很多问题待理清Therearelotsofkinksthatrequiresomeironingout.问题-对Kinks?-Kinks.玛可欣Max.我们不是说好了吗
29、Wetalkedaboutthis.哪有道格拉斯是你擅自作主我可没答应过什么No,Douglas,youtalkedaboutthis.Ididn,tagreetoanything.诺玛的房♥子我们不能随便卖♥♥掉你要她住哪里啊WecantjustgetridofNormashouse.Whereisshegonnago?我们大可把她送回运景豪华公♥寓♥啊Well,wecouldputherbackinDestinyVistas.我觉得她住在那边更开心Ithinkshewashappierthere.你不能在未经我同意下擅自
30、作主啊这是你说的Youcannotdoanythingwithoutmysay-so.Yousaidso.那我要怎么跟粉哥交代啊Whatdo1saytoPinky?你凭什么贱妇竟然在背后捅我一刀Howdareyou?Youbackstabbingstrumpet!你这骚浪贱-两位女士Youadulteroustitmouse.-1.adies.不如到屋里继续谈吧Whydontwetakethisinthehouse?亲爰的我去去就何来走吧小声点Shallwe?Quietly.-Berightback,darling.好了Okay.你是故意的够了Yourebeingmean!-Stopit!别这
31、么幼稚了我们可是好姐妹啊Stopbeingsuchachild!-Youaresupposedtobemyfriend.得了吧我们才不是好姐妹Please.Wearenotfriends.除了社交季之外我们什么时候见过面了Whenhaveweeventalkedtoeachotherintheoffseason?你这贱妇什么Youreawhore.-What?够了贱妇Okay.-Whore.我们别动辄就指责别的女人1.etsnotjustgostraighttoblamingtheotherwoman.艾迪不想给一个满口木假牙的男人作配IcanthelpitifEddiedoesntwanna
32、playsecondfiddle我也没办法啊-那是树脂假牙toamanwithwoodenteeth.-Theyreresin!加上我的条件也比你好Isimplyhavemoretooffer.你只有一辆停在萨勒诺港的露营车AtrailerinPortSalerno?一旦他发现你没钱后你说他还会留在你身边多久Howlongdoyouthinkhellstickaroundonceherealizesyourebroke?别自欺欺人了1.etsbehonest.我们都知道这不是伊芙琳的错WebothknowthisisnotEvelyn,sfault.她没钱也无依无靠Shespoorandalo
33、ne.等等你说得对Wait,you,reright.一切都是你的错玛可欣-我的错Thisisallyourfault,Maxine.-Myfault?要不是你害派瑞被逮捕我就不用经历这种鸟事IfyouhadntgottenPerryarrested,Iwouldntbeinthismess.拜托别提那个人♥渣♥的名字Pleasedontevenmentionthatsludgepigsname.他简直就是渣中之渣Heisacadoftheworstsort.实话实说我赞同黛娜的话Ihatetoadmitit,butIagreewithDinah.玛可欣这都是你的错T
34、hisisyourfault,Maxine.你情难自禁关我什么事Howisyourlibidomyfault?我压根不想理会Idontevenwannathinkaboutyourlibido.你洋洋洒洒地闯进棕檎滩扰乱了原有的秩序Youflounceintotown,turneverythingupsidedown,瞧我现在的模样andnowlookatme.成了寡妇家被一大群嬉皮士占据1.eftwithadeadhusband,ahousefullofhippies被迫跟一个门♥痴♥协办海滩晚宴andhavingtocohosttheBeachBallwitha
35、nitwit.假如艾迪是我的安慰那就说明我时来运转了该死的AndifEddieismyconsolationprize,well,thengoddamnit,itsmyturn.我忍♥了斯基特罗林斯20年还失去了一条鲸鱼AfterputtingupwithSkeetRollinsfor20yearsandlosingawhale,我值得跟一个“大雕男”在一起EvelynRollinsdeservessomewonderfulcock!两位求你们别在我的宴会上说出“大雕”这个词1.ets,please,notyellthewordcockatmyparty.大雕-真受够了Cock!
36、-Itssowonderful.拜托了别为了一个男人争吵不休好吗Please!1.etsjustnotmakethisaboutaman,okay?我们身为女性应该.1.etsmakethisaboutourselvesaswomen-闭嘴一切都离不开艾迪Canit!ThisisverymuchaboutEddie.既然如此Well,ifthatisthecase,黛娜要我提醒你我在帮你守住一个非常重大的秘密吗needIremindyouthatIamkeepingaveryimportantsecretforyou,Dinah?这秘密跟艾迪有关要是被他发现ThatisaboutEddie.A
37、ndifhefoundoutaboutit,他一定会崩溃的itwouldkillhim.什么秘密Whatsecret?恕我无可奉告毕竟是秘密Well,1canttellyou,causeitsasecret重点是我一直将你们俩Mypointis,Ihavebeenavery,视力非常要好的朋友verygoodfriendtobothofyou.所以我拜托你们今晚也把我视为你们非常要好的朋友AndIamaskingyou,please,tobeavery,verygoodfriendtometonight.别再对过去耿耿于怀1.etyourbygonesbegone!美国总统要到了Thepres
38、identoftheUnitedStatesiscoming.我求你们表现得文明点AndIdemandanairofcivility.拜托你们了就当是为了美国Please.FortheUSofgoddamnA.给我闭上你的贱嘴玛可欣Shoveitupyourkeister,Maxine.没错Whatshesaid.我的贱嘴Mykeister?德拉科特决定好了吗What,stheword,Dellacorte?什么时候宣布Whenareweannouncing?出了点状况Well,heresthefunnything.我老婆不同意Mywifesaidno.严格说来她才是财产监护人Technica
39、llyshestheconservatoroftheestate.她不愿意卖♥♥掉房♥子Shedoesntwannagiveupthehouse.听好我们说好的1.ook,wehadadeal.我说话算话俱乐部还是能照办AndWestillhaveadeal.Wecanstilldotheclub.只是需要找个新的地点Wesimplyneedtofindsomewhereelsetodoit.不行非这间房♥子不可不然免谈No.Itsthehouseornothing.有必要吗Doesithavetobe?还JI脱嘛我已经把周围的土地都买&
40、hearts;♥下来了Yeah.Iboughtupthesurroundingland.总不能搁着你们房♥子不能碰就像中间留个坑的甜甜圈Wecanthaveyourhousesittinglikeafuckingemptydoughnutholeinthemiddle.好吧再给我一点时间Okay.Well,just-Givememoretime.我会说服她改变心意的她每次都会被我说服llgethertocomearound.Ialwaysdo.我们今晚就要宣布否则Wereannouncingtonight.Orelse.否则什么Orelsewhat?你自己想象吧听好
41、天啊Fillintheblank,man,1.ook-Jesus.大家都玩得开心吗Areyouallenjoyingyourselves?请恕我打扰你们Ihatetopryyouaway享用乡村奶酪的雅致因为fromyourcottagecheese,but我为大家准备了一场足以令人目不暇接的表演Ihaveaproperdiversionforyourightnow.有请棕檎滩的招牌舞团耶耶椰歌♥舞团出场APalmBeachinstitution.TheCoconuts.沙滩上有阳光海滩上有月光WevegotsunlightonthesandWe,vegotmoonlighton
42、thesea我们有芒果和香蕉可以直接从树上摘WevegotmangoesandbananasWecanpickrightoffatree我们有排球和乒乓球还有许多好玩的游戏Wevegotvolleyballandping-pongAndalotofdandygames我们少了什么少了熟♥女♥Whataintwegot?Weaintgotdames我们驾驭不了一件素净的白色套装WehavenothinToputonacleanwhitesuitfor我们少了某种无可取代的存在WhatweneediswhatThereaintnosubstitutefor熟&heart
43、s;女♥是无与伦比的存在Thereisnothinlikeadame是世上无可媲美的存在Nothingintheworld是所向披靡的存在Thereisnothin*youcanname熟♥女♥魅力无法挡Thatisanythinglikeadame他会延续约翰逊总统的使命吗1mean,ishegonnapickupwhereJohnsonleftofforwhat?我在哪里见过他veseenhimsomeplacebefore.派瑞-只是想不起来Perry?-.butIcantremember.嗨你好美女Hey,there,hotstuff.你搞什么
44、鬼你在这里干什么Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?不就是跟你的未婚夫聊天嘛他Iwasjustchattingwithyourfiance.He-坐吧坐下一起聊聊Haveaseat.Comeandsitwithus.天啊艾克索刚刚只是Yeah,boy.Axelwasjust在跟我畅谈他当年协助休伯特汉弗莱竞选总统的往事regalingmeallabouthiscampaignforHubertHumphrey.对吧-亲爰的闲聊罢了Right?-Noregaling,honey,goingonhere.可不是嘛Well.你怎么来了Whatareyoudoinghere?亲爱的一
45、起跳支舞吧就像我们以前一样记得吗Comedancewithme,handsome.Remember,likeweusedtodo?还记得桃树街的旋转木马酒吧吗PeachtreeStreet.1.aCarousel.Remember?玛可欣我没心情跳舞Idontfeellikedancing,Max.别扫兴嘛Dontbeapartypooper.这可是我办的晚宴啊Donotpooponmyparty.天啊玛可欣粉哥打算把我两只小手指给切了Oh,forfuck,ssakes,Maxine.Pinkysgonnacutoffmypinkies.什么Wha-把一个男人摆在身边也无济尸事ThatcantbecuredByputtinghimnear少的是一个温柔软绵优雅性感Agirlie,womanly婀娜多姿女人味满分的熟♥女♥Female,femininedame道格拉斯拜托
