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1、Elegy Written in a Country ChurchyardComment on Different Versions of Translation Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard By Thomas Gray (1716-1771 ) The curfew tolls the knell of parting day, The lowing herd wind slowly oer the lea, The plowman homeward plods his weary way, And leaves the world to da
2、rkness and to me. first stanza) (The 译文一：暮钟鸣，昼已暝牛羊相呼，迂回草径农人荷锄归，蹒跚而行把全盘世界剩给我与黄昏 译文二：晚钟响起来一阵阵给白昼报丧，耕地人累了，回家走脚步踉跄， 牛群在草原上迂回，吼声起落。把整个世界给了黄昏与我。 译文三：晚钟殷殷响，夕阳已西沉，群牛呼叫归，迂回走草径，农人荷锄犁，倦倦回家门，惟我立旷野，独自对黄昏。 Comparing the three Chinese translated versions , Im inclined to favor the third one. In the first place, it
3、 pays more attention to the form of a poem. Each line in the third version has the same number of words, which impresses us by its completely orderly wording. However, the first and the second versions are loosely arranged which are in free style . As the beauty in organization and style are concern
4、ed , the third one is distinguished at first glance. As to the content, I would like to put it this way: 1) The first line: the curfew tolls the knell of parting day. In the first version, the translation is quite good: it is very concise and to the point; also,“鸣”rhymes with“暝”, which is fairly rhy
5、thmic and shows us a poetic picture. Although the second version of this line is faithful to the original, yet the diction is a little bitter casual and colloquial. Besides, I think Bians version is rather wordy so that it doesnt fit in with the rule of a poem that requires of succinctness. As to th
6、e third version, it is also concise and faithful to the original as well.“殷殷”depicts the sound of the knell to make it more concrete and vivid. 2) The second line: the lowing herd wind slowly over the lea. In literal meaning, Guos version is succinct and faithful. But concerning the context, the her
7、d are heading home. The first version of this line doesnt convey such meaning, while the third one uses “归”,which is self-evident to depict such a situation. In the second version,“吼声”，in my point of view, is not properly used here(Good point.). “吼声” has some kidship with loud and powerful sound, su
8、ch as a tigers howl, but here ThomasGray refers to the herds lowing which means relatively lower sound. In addition, this poem is an elegy and the basic tone is sad and down.“吼”sometimes leads us to think of conquest or fight, which is totally out of place in such a situation. (Good points of view.)
9、 3) The third line: the plowman homeward plods his weary way. “Weary” means very tired especially after a long time of work. In the first and second versions,“蹒跚”and“踉跄”，mean walking or moving unsteadily and with great difficulty, almost falling. Sometimes these two impressions have the connotation
10、of being drunk. So, they may lead to different interpretations on the readers side. However, in the third version,“倦倦”just hits the nail on the head and brings the situation home to us. 4) The fourth line: and leaves the world to the darkness and to me. I have referred to the Internet and learnt tha
11、t this elegy was written shortly after the death of the authers close friend Richard West. The poet at first set a distinctly somber tone: a curfew bell ringing, a herd of cattle moving across the pasture and a farmer returning home. All the scenes imply the idea of expiration. May whoever facing su
12、ch a situation will cant help thinking of human morality. As the poet was a sentimental person (I get it from the net), after the death of his close friend, he would inevitably feel sad and trapped in a pool of isolation.“把全盘世界剩给我与黄昏”and“把整个世界给了黄昏与我”，to some extent, convey the meaning of isolation,
13、though they are far from appropriateness when compares with the third version , in which “惟我”，“旷野”，“独自”are used. These three phrases distinctly highlight the poets isolation. To put all in a nutshell, either from stylistic aspect or from diction , the third version is more appreciated. This is a poe
14、m written by Thomas Grey after one of his friends death . The author wrote this poem to lament the death as well as to talk about life so that we? can be comforted . If we go on reading the poem we can find that the poet does not write about a great person. On the contrary he wrote about a common ma
15、n who died “A youth to Fortune and to Fame unknown”. We can find that the poet made no distinction between the great and the the common as far as death is concerned. As for the three versions, I think that each has its advantages and drawbacks. In the translation we must focus on the faithfulness an
16、d smoothness, two basic and important requirements in all kinds of translation.(Good point.) In the fisrt stanza we can see many signs of a country day drawing to a close a curfew, a herd of cattle and a farmer trudging home after a days work. So as far as the faithfulness is concerned, all three ve
17、rsions have achieved this goal. However the third version has added an image of sunset in the first sentence to make it rhymed. But in the original poem we cannot find such an image. The poet actually sets the setting of the poem in a sunset, but he did not use a quite commonly used cliche to presen
18、t this setting. The “parting day” itself has the meaning of the sunset but it also has a connotation of the farewell because when we part with something we will say goodbye to it. So the added image in Fengs version makes it not as good as the other two versions in the respect of faithfulness. As to
19、 the respect of the smoothness I think the second version is better because it is rhymed in the abab pattern, as in the original poem . Besides it is very smooth and comfortable to read. The first versions last sentence is not rhymed on the “ing”. The third version is also not as good as the second
20、version in that it is rhymed in the pattern of abac. Though I do not advocate that the original rhyming pattern should be followed strictly, I prefer the second version for its abab rhyming that can make sentences smoother than the other two versions. To conclude my comparison I would like to draw s
21、ome attentions to the theme of the poem, which is stated in beginning of my essay. This poem is not only about the sorrow of lamenting the dead, but also about the life. The poet writes the simple life of the dead in great detail in the middle of the poem and describes all the things in a somber ton
22、e, not sadly heart-broken. The poem carries with it a feeling of tranquility and quietness. So in this respect I think the third version is superior than the two others. The diction in the third version altogether leaves an impression of loneliness and somberness on me, especially the word “旷野”. The
23、 beauty in this version may also be attributed to the Chinese ancient poetical form the author adopted when translating. After taking all three aspects stated above, I feel that the third version is better though it has its own drawbacks. But it is not a big deal(It is an informal expressioin.) It i
24、s not easy at all when we consider the difficulty in translatinge an English poem into a typical lshi, ancient Chinese-styled poem. 诗歌是语言和文学的顶峰。在翻译过程中要想准确的传达出原诗的精神已属不易，而在这个基础上要保持原诗的风貌和语言特色就更难了。有些时候，我们不妨开玩笑的说，翻译的开始也就是破坏的开始。而我们也是幸运的，因为还有许么多文字功底深厚的翻译者努力地为我们奉献一流的译诗。在诗歌翻译上不会有完美，但他们一直试着去无限逼近这个境界。在读完郭沫若，卞之
25、琳以及丰华瞻先生的译作后，我们会有更多的思考。 闻一多先生说过，创作诗歌时要注意绘画美，、音乐美，、建筑美。我想以上的诗歌译作也应当有这些特点。在第一点上，三种译诗都做得很出色。不可否认，格雷的原诗本来在景色的描绘方面就美轮美奂，诗中的那个黄昏很具体，、很细致，可以深入人心。就对全诗意象的组织来看，几位译者都是成功的，无论是“暮钟鸣，昼已暝，牛羊相呼，迂回草径”，还是“晚钟响起来。回家走步踉跄”，抑或是“晚钟殷殷响，夕阳已西沉”，都给人以黄昏的深刻印象，可以说是诗中有画。但比较而言，可能郭沫若与丰华瞻的翻译要略胜一筹。郭沫若的译诗中对景物的描写显得简洁，但不失原诗的那种浪漫而略带苍凉的感觉。丰
26、华瞻译诗中的景物描写与前者几乎是一样的，且总体风格也极为相似。当读到“牛羊相呼，迂回草径，农人荷锄归，蹒跚而行”与“群牛呼叫归，迂回走草径，农人荷锄犁，倦倦回家门”时，只要不是抱着怀疑主义的态度，我们就必须承认我们从不同的译作中获得了相同的美感。而卞之琳先生的译诗虽然大体上也完成了对原诗意象的再现，但诗中景色所承载的感情色彩则更多的体现了卞之琳先生对原诗的个人理解，看起来要比原诗似乎来得更沉重。这两句给人的冲击是原诗中没有的：“晚钟响起来一阵阵给白昼报丧牛群在草原上迂回，吼声起落”，而原诗则采用的是一种更加和缓的节奏与笔触。而我个人更倾向于原诗的写法，那样可能更符合诗人创作此诗时的思想和心境。
27、 关于译诗的体例和韵律问题。客观的来说，在这方面做得最好的是丰华瞻。丰华瞻采用的是中国古诗中现有的七律体。但首先我们要注意的是，译诗还未能将七律在音律方面的优势发挥完全。从格律方面来说，译诗还不属于近体诗中七律的范畴，比如在句尾出现了“回家门”这样“三连平”的情况。但是译诗已经有了一种古典的气息，在建筑美和音乐美上明显要高于其他两首。但就翻译来说，这未必能体现原诗的韵律和风味，或者说和原诗那种用韵的方法是很不相同的。我以为，要想尝试用译诗来模拟原诗中的那种押韵的效果以及诗歌内在的节奏感，可能采用现代的白话文要好一点。卞之琳的译作在韵律的处理方面做的虽然不是太出色，但给读起来的感觉会更像原诗。而
28、郭沫若的译作则显得有些粗糙。尤其是收尾处的一句和全诗好像格格不入。就好比碧瓦飞甍，龙镇凤翘的中国式古建筑要用罗马柱支撑起来似的。 我最喜欢的是丰华瞻的译文。郭沫若的译文是古文与现代文的合体，但读时个人感觉有点不伦不类。郭的译文一开始挺有古文的韵味但读到略显白话的最后一句总觉得有点突兀。(Good point)卞之琳的译文是完全的现代文，但总感觉翻译过来语言上欠缺美感，把整首诗的意境似也被局限住了。丰华瞻的译文是一首五言律诗，押韵且对仗工整、朗朗上口。译文中虽不是逐字逐句地翻译但是因为添加了自己的想象使整首译文保留了原诗的意境并升华了原作者的寂寥心绪。 “The curfew tolls the
29、 knell of parting day.”这一句个人觉得郭、卞、丰三人翻译得各有韵味。最接近原诗意的是卞的译文“晚钟响起来一阵阵给白昼报丧”，但是读时有点欠缺美感。郭的译文“暮钟鸣，昼已暝”我很喜欢，因为很有韵味，挺中国风的感觉，短短六字却能勾勒出很美的意境。郭的译文在保留了原诗的意境上稍微明了原作者的意思，使诗意好懂了但诗本身那种说不清道不明的感觉也淡化了一点点，可谓有好有坏。丰的译文“晚钟殷殷响，夕阳已西沉”很明显是借鉴了郭老的译法。 中间两句没什么想说的，感觉三首译文都翻得差不多。 着重想说的是最后一句“And leaves the world to the darkness and
30、 to me.”原诗中透出一种“念天地之悠悠，独怆然而涕下”的孤寂感。郭的译文为“把全盘世界留给我与黄昏”、卞的译文为“把整个世界给了黄昏与我”。郭卞二人的翻译差别不大，都翻译出了字面的意思，但总给人感觉淡淡的不痛不痒，好似淡化了原诗中诗人悲寂的心情。但是丰的译文“惟我立旷野，独自对黄昏”令让我十分欣赏。原诗只是在题目中点了一下churchyard，诗文的最后一句并没有明说诗人就站在旷野，丰华瞻运用了联想的方法把“旷野”二字加入译文中，更强化了天地之大与人之渺小的对比感，使译文将原诗中诗人孤凄的心境淋漓尽致地表达了出来(Good point)。且“惟我立旷野”这一句也起到了与上文过渡的效果。原诗中是用and一词来过渡最后一句诗，郭、卞最后一句的译文过渡稍显生硬。若我们用中文直译and会影响整个译文的效果，所以郭、卞干脆就不译了。丰也没有直译and，他加入了联想的元素用“惟我立旷野”来过渡，使整个译文显得自然且押韵。 故我喜欢丰华瞻的译文。
