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1、老人与海译本翻译风格对比分析The Style Comparison of the Two Chinese Translation of The Old Man and the SeaA paper submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements of the degree of Bachelor of Arts摘要欧内斯特海明威具有高度的艺术才华，其艺术个性异常鲜明，即不拘泥于传统的现实主义和浪漫主义，又不隶属于任何现代主义流派，而是兼采各家之长，自成一体，形成了自己独特的创作方法和艺术风格，即“海明威风格”，其文学作品一度风行世界，
2、被翻译成包括汉语在内的世界多国文字。他的代表作老人与海，是美国文坛乃至世界文坛的一朵奇葩，多年来一直在中国文学市场长盛不衰，至今已有近三十个翻译版本在中国出版发行，有关研究海明威的文章也开始大量涌现，但经笔者调查，这些研究中对其创作风格及各译本所传达再现的风格研究少之又少。因此，笔者将在此论文中采用两个译本为例，一是于1956年问世的内地最早的海观译本，另一本由黄源深于2007年译成出版发行，该译本似乎更接近海明威“电报式”语言风格，通过对这两个译本的比较，探讨小说翻译过程中对原作的风格再现问题。关键词：海明威风格；小说风格翻译；老人与海译本对比分析AbstractErnest Hemingw
3、ay is a great American writer of the twentieth century with a high artistic gift and distinguished artistic features who belongs neither to traditional realism or romanticism, nor to any of the modernist schools, but rather, by taking the advantage of all other schools, forms a unique style of his o
4、wn, “the Hemingway style”, his literary works were once so popular that they were translated into almost all major languages in the world, including Chinese. His masterpiece The Old Man and the Sea, in particular, has enjoyed such a long lasting popularity in China that there have appeared more than
5、 30 different translated versions in Chinese. To match with this prosperity in translation and publication, studies on Hemingway and his literary works have also been flourishing in China, however, unlike the unprecedented prosperity of the publication of and study on Hemingway, researches on his st
6、yle of literary creation are still rare to see.On account of the above elements, the author will employ two translated Chinese versions in this paper, one is Haiguans, the earliest published in mainland; the other is Huang Yuanshens, translated and issued in the year of 2007. The latter one seems mo
7、re closed to Hemingways “telegraphic” language style. Through the comparison of the two Chinese versions of The Old Man and The Sea, this paper will discuss the representation of the original work in the process of translation.Key words: Hemingway Style; novel style translation; The Old Man and The
8、Sea comparative analysis1. DIRECTIONS FOR LEARNERS1) Analyze the data in no less than 1,000 words by using one or some of the methods recommended in Step 2 and Step 3 of Stage 7 in Writing Your BA Paper Through Practical Translation Project Design. The analysis should be based on the examples from t
9、he data, or no less than 3 samples from each category of the data.2) The heading for this section has been given. You may decide on your own subheadings if there are any.3) Insert your analysis of the data in paragraphs, tables, diagrams or listings in the space below.4. Data Analysis There are a go
10、od many descriptions in The Old Man and the Sea, bringing about the effects of beautifying the general picture of the story and helping to visualize the key images in the story for the readers. There are descriptions that are smooth and objective without the authors discussion of his own judgement o
11、r exaggeration about the old mans emotional changes, which is the important artistic style of The Old Man and the Sea.Original text1:“When the boy came back the old man was asleep in the chair and the sun was down. The boy took the old army blanket off the bed and spread it over the back of the chai
12、r and over the old mans shoulders. They were strange shoulders, still powerful although very old, and the neck was still strong too and the creases did not show so much when the old man was asleep and his head fallen forward. His shirt had been patched so many times that it was like the sail and the
13、 patches were faded to many different shades by the sun.”TT1 (Hais version):孩子回来的时候，老头儿正在椅子上睡着，太阳已经西沉了。孩子从床上拿了一条旧军毯，搭在椅背上面，盖在老头儿的肩膀上。那两个肩膀真奇怪，老尽管老了，依然结结实实的，颈脖子也是这样，老头儿睡着了头向前搭拉下去的时候，是不大看得出皱纹的。他的衬衫不知道补过多少次，就像他的那一面帆，补丁也给太阳晒得褪成各种深浅不同的颜色。TT2 (Huangs version):孩子回来的时候，老人在椅子上睡着了，太阳已经落下。孩子从床上拿来一条旧军毯，铺在椅背上，盖住
14、老人的肩膀。这肩膀不同寻常，虽然很老，却依然有力。那脖子也仍然很壮实。老人睡着时，脑袋往前耷拉着，皱纹并不明显。他的衬衫打过多次补丁，弄得很像船帆，经太阳一晒，褪成了深浅不一的颜色。This passage depicts the old mans appearance when he is asleep. The general style of this passage is plain, simple and practical. Although there are some descriptive adjectives, the translators should reproduc
15、e the main plainness and simplicity of the original.Lets compare the two versions of “the old man”. In TT1, Hai calls him “老头儿”, which is very casual. It is good to show that the old mans social status is low and insignificant, while it is bad to stop the target readers from building up respect for
16、such an old person. On the other hand, Huangs version of addressing the old man “老人”, which is the way the Chinese people call the elderly and respectable in Chinese. The gap between the understandings of the old man on both sides of the reader and the original is thus filled by the translators act
17、of finding the potential meaning of a specific idea in the original. The chosen word “老人” comes to the translator due to his former experience of positive information of The Old Man and the Sea. The old man in the original is in Manolins eyes, full of affection and respect. When the translators firs
18、t read the passage, they both can sense this detail. Hais interpretation of the old man is a little bit negative, whereas Huangs interpretation is more faithful to the original and is influenced by the ever-lasting impression of the old mans image as being positive through so many years.In the versi
19、on of Hais, the description of the patches on the old mans clothes is “不知道补过多少次”, which is rather faithful to the original sentence structure. But in the version of Huangs, the translation is “打过多次补丁”. This expression is more colloquial and it may be because of Huangs dialect.The style of organizing
20、 dialogues in Hemingways works is world famous, which is perfectly shown in The Old Man and the Sea. Through the dialogues, the whole story turns more natural and seems to be likely to happen in our real life. During the lonely fishing days on Santiagos own, Hemingway describes Santiagos minds throu
21、gh some dialogues with no one but with the surroundings.Original text2:“ The fish is my friend too, he said aloud. I have never seen or heard of such a fish. But I must kill him. I am glad we do not have to try to kill the stars. ”TT1 (Hais version):“那条鱼也是我的朋友啊？”他高声说。“我从来没有看见过也没有听说过这样的一条鱼。但是我一定要弄死它。
22、幸而我们不打算把星星也给弄死。”TT2 (Huangs version):“那条鱼也是我的朋友，”他大声说，“我从来没有见过或者听到过这样的鱼。但是我得把它宰了。幸亏我们不必去宰星星。”This example is a mental dialogue in which some words are said and others are described by the author as the old mans mental activity. “But I must kill him” in Hais version is put into “但是我一定要弄死它”, while in
23、Huangs version is “但是我得把它宰了”. Two different ways to express the same idea of “must kill”, but the latter translating version is more proper, for this is a self-talk and the language concerned should be more colloquial. Besides, the one-word expression of killing is better and more forceful than the
24、two-word one as “弄死”. The resolution of the old man to kill the big fish should be involved with strength and the translator must have noticed it when being a reader.There are a great number of symbols in this novel and thus can be regarded as a work that is constituted by various symbols. These sym
25、bols display the real existing status of man and the moving and tragic actions taken by man with the dialogues between man the environment.Original text3: “Mako shark built to swim as fast as the fastest fish in the sea and everything about him was beautiful except his jaws. His back was as blue as
26、a sword fishs and his belly was silver and his hide was smooth and handsome. He was built as a sword fish except for his huge jaws which were tight shur now as he swam fast, just under the surface with his high dorsal fin knifing through the water without wavering.” (Huang,2007:131)TT1 (Hais version
27、):这是一条巨大的鲭鲨，生来就游得跟海里速度最快的鱼一般。它周身的一切都美，只除了上下颚。它的脊背蓝蓝的像是旗鱼的脊背，肚子是银白色的，皮是光滑的，漂亮的。它生得跟旗鱼一样，不同的是它那巨大的两颚，游得快的时候它的两颚是紧闭起来的。它在水面下游，高耸的脊鳍像刀子似的一动也不动地插在水里。TT2 (Huangs version):这是一条很大的灰鲭鲨，生来游得跟海里最快的鱼一样快。除了鱼嘴，浑身都很漂亮。它的背像箭鱼的背那么蓝，肚皮为银色，鱼皮光滑漂亮。它的体态像箭鱼，就是那张嘴不一样。这时它嘴巴紧闭，贴着水面游得很快，高高的背鳍像刀子一般在水里穿行，毫不抖动。The image of the
28、shark is the negative element for the old man to fight against, symbolizing the ordeals a man should go through before success can be achieved. In Hais version, “his belly was silver and his hide was smooth and handsome” is put into “肚子是银白色的，皮是光滑的，漂亮的”. Hai didnt use “和” or “以及” to put this expressi
29、on in a coherent progression, instead, he used two “是” and three adjectives to arrive at progressiveness. He know well how to use the target language to reproduce the original authors ideas. The translation of this part in Huangs version is “肚皮为银色，鱼皮光滑漂亮”, which is probably felt by the reader that t
30、he original author doesnt want the sharks image to impress the reader and is simply a description. The target reader may thus fail to taste the original through this version.In The Old Man and the Sea, the tone that Hemingway carries from the very beginning till end is maintained to be calm and obje
31、ctive. He doesnt show any of his own opinions to interfere with this work, and illustrate every detail in a plain way without exaggeration. The calmness and objectiveness in his narration can best reflect his iceberg theory in writing.Original text4:The shark closed fast astern and when he hit the f
32、ish the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and the clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in meat just above the tail. The sharks head was out of water and his back was coming out and the old man could hear the noise of skin and flesh ripping on the big fish when he rammed the h
33、arpoon down onto the sharks head at a spot where the line between his eyes intersected with the line that ran straight back from his nose. There were no such lines. There was only the heavy sharp blue head and the big eyes and the clicking, thrusting all-swallowing jaws. But that was the location of
34、 the brain and the old man hit it. He hit it with his blood mushed hands driving a good harpoon with all his strength. He hit it without hope but with resolution and complete malignancy. TT1 (Hais version):鲨鱼飞快地逼近船后边。它去咬那条死鱼的时候老头儿看见它的嘴张着，看见它在猛力朝尾巴上的肉咬的当儿它那双使人惊奇的眼睛和咬得格崩响的牙齿。鲨鱼的头伸在水面上，它的脊背也正在露出来，老头儿用鱼
35、叉攘到鲨鱼头上的时候，他听得出那条大鱼身上皮开肉绽的声音，他攘进的地方，是两眼之间的那条线和从鼻子一直往上伸的那条线交叉的一点。事实上并没有这两条线。有的只是那又粗大又尖长的蓝色的头，两只大眼，和那咬得格崩崩的、伸得长长的、吞噬一切的两颚。但那儿正是脑子的所在，老头儿就朝那一个地方扎进去。他鼓起全身的气力，用他染了血的手把一杆锋利无比的鱼叉又扎了进去。他向它扎去的时候并没有抱着什么希望，但他抱有坚决的意志和狠毒无比的心肠。TT2 (Huangs version):鲨鱼快速靠近船尾，在袭击大鱼的时候，老人见它张开大嘴，眼睛怪怪的，牙齿咔嚓一声插进鱼尾上方的鱼肉。鲨鱼的头钻出水面，背也露了出来，老
36、人听见鲨鱼撕开大鱼皮肉的声音，他把鱼叉猛地往下刺向鲨鱼头部，插进两眼之间那条线与从鼻子笔直往后的那条线的交点上。其实那些线是不存在的。只有厚重尖利的蓝色脑袋，巨大的眼睛，咔嚓作响、吞噬一切的攻击性的嘴巴。不过那是鱼脑所在，老人刺中了这个地方。他用血汁模糊的双手使出全身力气，把鱼叉结结实实地刺了进去。他刺的时候不抱希望，却带着决心和十足的恶意。This is an example of Hemingways style of brevity and calmness, which seems that not a single word in it should be omitted. Then
37、, the translation should reserve this as the translating strategy.Both of the translators can keep its originality of coherence. In Hais version, he puts “the old man saw his mouth open and his strange eyes and the clicking chop of the teeth as he drove forward in meat just above the tail” into “看见它
38、猛力朝尾巴上的肉咬的当儿它那双使人惊奇的眼睛和咬得格崩格崩响的牙齿”, which in Huangs version, he splits this part into some fragmented expressions. Huang does this repeatedly in the next few lines, which shows his translating strategy. Huang believes that fragmented expressions can best reproduce the original ideas and can save som
39、e efforts for the reader when reading some short separated expressions instead of some long ones. Such verbs in this examples as “ram”, “hit” are translated differently by Hai and Huang. Hais version includes “攘”, and “扎”, while in Huangs version these two are put into “插” and “刺”. The former two ar
40、e older-fashioned and more formal as written expressions, and the latter two are easier to accept as a reader in modern time. Their respective choices of verbs are because of their different cultural backgrounds.Emotion is an essential element in every literary work. It is not a static element in th
41、e literary works. Whether a piece of literature can touch the readers soul or not lies in emotions. There is no exception in The Old Man and the Sea. Hemingway is a special writer who would like to express the characters emotions with plainest words.Original text5:“ Who is the greatest manager, real
42、ly, Luque or Mike Gonzalez?I think they are equal.And the best fisherman is you.No, I know others better.Que va, the boy said, There are many good fishermen and some great ones. But there is only you.Thank you. You made me happy. I hope no fish will come along so great that he will prove us wrong. ”
43、 (Huang, 2007:77)TT1 (Hais version):“真的，谁是顶大的经理呢？是鲁克？还是迈克冈查列斯？”“我想他们分不出上下。”“不过，要说打鱼，顶好的还得数你。”“不，别人比我更好。”“怎么，”孩子说，“会打鱼的很多，打鱼的能手也不少。可是顶好的只有你一个。”“多谢你，你的话叫我听了真高兴。我希望跑来的鱼不要大得叫我们对付不了就得啦。”TT2 (Huangs version):“说真的，谁是最能干的经理，是卢克，还是迈克冈萨雷斯？”“我认为他们不相上下。”“而最好的渔夫是你。”“不，我知道还有更好的。”“干吗这么说？”孩子说，“好渔夫很多，有些非常棒。但你是独一无二的。
44、”“谢谢。你让我高兴了。我希望别来一条太大的鱼，证明我们都错了。”“I hope no fish will come along so great that he will prove us wrong” is put into “我希望跑来的鱼不要大得叫我们对付不了就得啦” by Hai, which is more fit into the casual conversational situation. Though it is not a direct and faithful translation, it still can transfer the authors idea an
45、d the reader will be comfortable in accepting this version than “我希望别来一条太大的鱼，证明我们都错了”. Both Hai Guan and Huang Yuanshen, as translators, can keep the originality of the emotions in the novel. Hai Guan pays more attention to the integrity of the translation, while Huang Yuanshen tends to be faithful
46、to the original but to be less readable.ASSESSMENT CHECKLIST FOR TUTORSPlease tick in the proper cell and write your overall comments in the box of “Tutors Comments” below. In-text comments should also be offered if necessary.评价项目(Assessment Items)评价指标(Assessment Criteria)评估(Acceptable/Revise)请打勾进行评
47、估（）合格需修改语料分析 Data Analysis 1. 与研究目标相关。The analysis is related to the objective of the research.2. 以“文献综述”中引用的概念或理论为支持。The Analysis is supported by the concepts or theories quoted in the Rationale.3. 针对语料中原语与译语的差异（建议从语言、体裁、修辞或文化等角度比较），或同一原语的不同译语间的差异（建议从翻译的社会背景、目标、对象或译者的翻译倾向等角度比较），具体分析语言、文化或社会因素对翻译的影响
48、。The analysis illustrates the effects of linguistic, cultural or social variants on translation by comparing and contrasting the source language with the target language (from the linguistic, stylistic, rhetorical, cultural or other perspectives), or different translation version (in terms of the social background, translation purpose, target reader, translators approach to translation, etc.).4. 分析充分详细，涵盖语料中的相关示例或相关示例代表，代表不少于3例。The analysis is adequate and detailed, based on the examples from the data, or no less than 3 samples from each category
