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1、我叫贾斯登贝罗MynameisAugustenBurroughs.我母亲离开我，然后我离开她Wheredo1begintotellthestoryofhowmymotherleftme,这故事该从何说起？andthen1leftmymother?或许该从她不让我上学开始Maybe1shouldbeginwiththepartabouthowshedkeepmehomefromschool.我们就是这么亲密Thatshowclosewewere.我为她疯狂1wassocrazyabouther.米老师，我是荻翠贝罗Oh,hello,MissMimm,thisisDeirdreBurroughsc
2、alling.贾斯登今天不上学了Augustenwontbeattendingschooltoday.我的头发润丝得过头了1over-conditionedmyhair.-他的头发润丝得过头了-还有派对-Heover-conditionedhishair.-Andtheparty.他还得帮我准备晚上的派对Andhehastohelpmewiththedinnerparty.谢谢Thankyou.我妈也为我疯狂Mymotherwascrazyaboutmetoo.这我一直都知道vealwaysknownthat.从何说起应该无所谓1guessitdoesn,tmatterwhere1begin,
3、反正不会有人相信我becausenobodysgonnabelievemeanyway.（根据私人回忆录改编）贾斯登Augusten.*夹缝求生*醒醒Wakeup.Wakeup.贾斯登，起来Augusten.Wakeup.（1972年）我需要你1needyou.试音、试音，听得见吗？Okay.Testing.Testing.Canyouhearme?“童年走了，还剩什么？”Childhoodisgone.Whatremains?“童年和青春都走了”Childhoodisgone.Andyouth.“我和我爱的人，如今关系决裂”Andtieswithpeople1havelovedarebrok
4、ennow.“我的苦难以承受“Mygriefismorethan1caneasilycontain.“我的苦让这个小镇重生”Mygriefbuildsthistownanew“召唤所有往生者与我同行”andraisesallthedeadtowalkwithmethisday.“还剩什么？”What,sleft?“我的前途一片灰暗”Myfutureseemsnefarious,“神秘不再”drainedofmystery“我的骨骼最清楚”knowninmybones.“我将最为怀念”Mostofall,what1willmiss“整个未来的奢侈”istheextravaganceofmyent
5、irefuture“在我眼前延伸，就像一条沙漠公路”stretchedoutbeforemelikeahighwayinthedesert.“热浪升腾，空气皱起”Wavesofheatrisingup,wrinklingtheair.“我为逝去的事物哭泣”1weepforwhatisgone.“也为自己哭泣”And1weepformyself.说实话，你觉得有力量吗？Okay,now1needyourhonestreaction.Diditfeelpowerfultoyou?让人情绪澎湃？Emotionallycharged?的确很像纽约客杂t的文章Itreallydoesseemlikeso
6、methingyoudreadinTheNewYorker.真的吗？Youreallythinkso?纽约客”很挑的，一般人上不了的TheNewYorkersveryselective.Theydontpublishjustanyone.我真的认为他们会采用1reallythinktheywouldpublishthis.瘫痪的妹妹那部分很棒Thatthingwithyourparalyzedsister,thatwasgreat.等着看吧Well,wellsee.我刚收到维吉尼亚季刊的退稿信1justgotarejectionletterfromTheVirginiaQuarterly.这让
7、我很担心Thatworriesme.当然，如果“纽约客”采用这首诗你外婆就会看到Ofcourse,ifTheNewYorkerdidacceptthispoem,yourgrandmotherwouldseeit.很难想像她会说什么1cantimaginewhatshewouldsay.我不能顾虑她的反应而不投稿But1can,tletherreactionkeepmefrompublishing.贾斯登Augusten,你妈注定要成为名女人yourmotherwasmeanttobeaveryfamouswoman.我有朗诵会，要签书我叫你四点到，都四点半了1haveareading.1ha
8、vebookstosign.1toldyoutobehereat4:00.Its4:30.-塞车-放屁，你想破坏我的好事-1gotstuckintraffic.-Bullshit.Youretryingtosabotageme.爸，想下跳棋吗？Wannaplaycheckers,Dad?现在不行，我背痛，还要改考卷，很累Notrightnow,son.Mybackisouvegotpaperstogradeandmverytired.到外面跟狗狗玩一下吧Sowhydontyougooutsideandplaywiththedogforalittlewhile?我讨厌奶油，它只会睡觉Butmsi
9、ckofCream.Allshewantstodoissleep.它是老太婆了Shesanoldlady.试音，一、二、三Testing.One,two,three.谢谢各位光临我的朗诵会Thankyouforcomingtomypoetryreadingtonight.“童年走了，还剩什么？”Childhoodisgone.Whatremains?“童年和青春都走了”Childhoodisgone.Andyouth.“我和我爱的人，如今关系决裂”Andtieswithpeople1havelovedarebrokennow.“我的苦难以承受”Mygriefismorethan1caneasi
10、lycontain.“还剩什么？”What,sleft?“我的前途一片灰暗”Myfutureseemsnefarious“神秘不再”drainedofmystery“我的骨骼最清楚knowninmybones.谢谢Thankyou.我不懂1dontunderstand.我会擦亮零用钱1polishmyallowance.先煮干净，再用拭银剂擦亮1boilitclean,thenpolishitwithsilverpolish.贾斯登，为什么？Butwhy,Augusten?Why?因为我喜欢闪亮的东西Because1likeshinythings.你真的一点都不像我1reallydontsee
11、myselfinyouatall.我比较像妈mmorelikemymom.我想出名、与众不同1wannabespecialand1wannabefamous.你要参加丧礼吗？Areyougoingtoafuneral?不，这是出席公共场合的礼服，要剪吗？No.No,sweetie.Itsagownforpublicappearances.Youwannacut?我打算在雄伟隆重的地方宣布See,theplanis,Imannounced,atsomeplacegrandandserious像是卡内基音乐厅likeCarnegieHall.我穿这件衣服出现And1comeoutinthis.站在
12、黑丝绒帘幕前And1standinfrontofablackvelvetcurtain.我要在合约里要求这一点mgonnademandthatinmycontract.那么我的作品才会永垂不朽Andthatway,everythingfadesaway,exceptmywriting.信来了Themailcame.（纽约客）（1978年）“当太阳露脸”Andwhenthesuncomesout“黄水仙仰望天空”thedaffodillooksskyward.“因为雨水而湿润”Wetfromtherain“但是没有破损”butnotbroken.“胜利的号♥角”Triumphant
13、trumpet.荻翠，喜欢吗？Didyoulikeit,Deirdre?上次聚会后，我一直在写这首诗vebeenworkingonitsincethelastmeetingofthepoetryclub.你说要写自己知道的事Yousaid,Writewhatyouknow.我很喜欢菊花弄草，写点泥土和太阳的东西1lovetogardenso1thought1wouldwriteaboutdirtandthesun.这是垃圾，芬恩lt,sshit.Fern.太煽情，不诚恳Itssentimental.Itsemotionallydishonest.毫无意义，我觉得无聊Itimplodesinto
14、nothingness.1wasbored.你觉得无聊吗，克斯蒂？Wereyoubored,Christy?有点不知所云Itsortofdidntgoanywhere.你没有触及你的创意潜意识Youdidnttapintoyourcreativeunconscious,Fern.亲爱的Honey.对不起，荻翠msorry,Deirdre.我好想有个创意的出口，我以为就是这个1sowantedtohaveacreativeoutletand1thoughtmaybethiswasit.你说得对，写得很糟Butyoureright.Itsterrible.如果安赛斯顿要写花诗的内容就不会与花有关I
15、fAnneSextonwritesaboutflowers,Fern,thepoemisntaboutthegoddamnflowers.花会枯萎腐烂Theflowerswouldwiltandrot.她会隐喻来阐释麻木的婚姻和她的痛苦，懂吗？Shedusemetaphortoexploreherdeadmarriage,herpain.Youunderstand?赛斯顿的心理治疗师叫她写诗来排解愤怒Sextonstherapisttoldhertowritepoetryasawaytoexorcizeherrage.她不是家庭主妇，而是摇滚歌♥手Now,shesnotahous
16、ewife.Shesarocknroller.Okay?上周在波士顿有两千人在暴风雪中等着听她朗诵1.astweekinBoston,2000peoplewaitedinafuckingblizzardtohearherread.那才是找回自我的力量也是你所需要的，芬恩Thatspowerrecovered.Sothat,swhatyouneedtodo,Fern.你要表达愤怒，找回自我Youneedtorecoverbyexpressingyouranger.我是很生气1amangry.史提不把我放在眼里-又来了，男人-Stevetakesmeforgranted.-Thereitisaga
17、in.Men.真抱歉msosorry.芬恩，不准道歉No,dontyoudareapologize.Fern.你要把愤怒导向唯一的出口，你的艺术Youfunnelthatrageintotheonlyescapeyouhave.Yourart.下一位谁要朗诵？Whowantstoreadnext?克斯蒂，你在躲Christy,yourehiding.我还不够水准mjustnotquitethere.让愤怒跃然纸上，姐♥妹♥们♥Gettherageonthepage,women.你这幼稚的暴君老天-Youinfantiletyrant!-Jesus.你巴
18、不得看到我割腕Youdlikenothingmorethantoseemeslitmywrists!冷静下来，你歇斯底里了Whydontyoujustsettledown?Youknow,youarehysterical.你♥他♥妈♥的歇斯底里Youresogoddamnhysterical!歇斯底里？这叫歇斯底里？对-mhysterical?Youthinkthisishysterical?-Yes!可怜的浑蛋，你太过压抑Youpoorbastard!Youresorepressedthatyou.误把创作热情当成歇斯底里你看不出来吗？Youmist
19、akecreativepassionforhysteria!Dontyousee?你就这样扼杀我Thisishowyou,rekillingme.没有人想扼杀你Nobodyistryingtokillyou,Deirdre.你自己做得非常完美Youredoingaperfectlygoodjobofityourself.希望你死在地狱里，我真后悔嫁给你1wishyoudrotinhell.1regrettheday1evermarriedyou.你们两个别吵了好吗？Willyoutwostopfighting?这是我和你♥爸♥之间的事，是他Thisisbetween
20、meandyourfather!Yourfatheristheone.我也住在这里Well,1liveheretoo,youknow!看看你，瞧你这张脸整整比实际年龄大两倍1.ookatyou.Lookatyourdamnface.Yougotthefaceofamantwiceyourage.45岁却像90岁Forty-fivegoingon90!给我闭嘴Willyoujustshutup?他不动了He,snotmoving!他只是在玩另一个操控别人的烂游戏No,he,sjustplayinganotheroneofhishorriblymanipulativegames.诺曼，起来Getu
21、p,Norman!诺曼，起来Getup,Norman.闹够吧Enoughofyourpranks.求你不要杀她Pleasedontkillher.他不会杀我Hesnotgonnakillme.他宁可用压♥迫♥人的控制欲，让我喘不过气He,drathersuffocatemewithhishorriblyoppressivemanipulation然后等我割喉自我了断andthenwaitformetocutmyownthroat.贾斯登，上♥床♥唾觉Gotobed.Gotobed,Augusten.明天早上还要上学Youvegotscho
22、olinthemorning.我不要上学1dontwanttogotoschool.一定要上学Youvegottogo,Augusten!你不能一直缺课，否则我会被捕Youcantkeepskippingorllgetarrested.我们为什么不是正常家庭？Whycantwejustbeanormalfamily?谢天谢地Oh,thankGod.你好Hellothere.请进Pleasecomein.我等你等到快发狂了vejustbeenafranticwreckwaitingforyoutogethere.贝罗太太，现在没事了Itsokaynow,Mrs.Burroughs.请叫我荻翠就好
23、Oh,no,please.CallmeDeirdre.诺曼呢？WheresNorman,dear?他醉得昏睡过去了Oh,he,spassedoutdrunk.-喔今晚我差点没命-1see.-1wasafraidformylifetonight.我以为他会杀了我，就在今晚动手1thoughtforsurehewasgonnakillme,thatthiswouldfinallybethenight.喝杯无因咖啡吧？WouldyoulikeaSanka?我要几片香肠配辣根dlikesomeslicesofbolognawithasideOfhorseradish.孩子，麻烦一下Doyoumind,
24、son?别担心你♥爸♥妈，牛仔，我们会把事情解决Dontyouworryaboutyourparents,buckaroo.We,11getthisallsortedout.祝你好运Goodluck.我向上天祈祷诺曼不要抓狂1justpraytoGodNormandoesntsnap.总有一天他会抓狂杀了我们Oneofthesedayshesgonnasnapandkillusall.够广Enough!在儿子面前不能说这种话Thatsnotthewaytotalkaroundyourson.你得安慰他，不是吓坏他Youneedtocomforthim,notfrig
25、htenhim.没错，我知道Thatsright.1know.对不起，贾斯登，我现在心情很不好msorry,Augusten.mjustveryupsetrightnow.坐下，荻翠Sitdown,Deirdre.晚安，贾斯登GoodnighAugusten.现在Now.如果可以的话，我要问你几个问题mgonnaaskyouanumberofquestionsifthatsallrightwithyou.可能是很私人的问题也许你会觉得无关紧要Theymayseemratherpersonal.Infact,youmaynotseetherelevance.但我想那是由身为医生的我来决定But1
26、believethatsuptome,asthedoctor,todecide.那么So,你的your焦虑程度anxietylevel.你会怎么形容？Howwouldyoudescribeit?我就是暴怒Well,mjustfrantic.心情非常不好，很焦虑mvery,veryupset.Imveryanxious.觉得情绪很紧张1feelveryemotionallycharged.好像快要不行了And1feellikemattheendOfmyrope.谈谈你的排便Tellmeaboutyourbowelmovements.有没有注意到在规律性Haveyounoticedanychang
27、eseitherinregularity,或是形状和软硬上有变化？ortheshapeanddensityofthebowelmatteritself?真的Isthatreally.我们非得1mean.Dowehaveto.我指的是便秘，实际上和下意识的便秘Whatmgettingatisconstipation.Bothliteralandsubconscious.你有便秘吗，荻翠？Areyouconstipatedinyourlife,Deirdre?排不出来？Stuck?没错1am.我便秘1amstuck.我知道你常写作，写作时精神好吗？暴怒？1understandyouwritealo
28、tAreyouenergeticwhenyouwrite?Frantic?这个嘛Well.我是靠潜意识写作或尽量那样写When1writemwritingfrommyunconscious.Ormtryingto.你和老公有性生活吗？Doyouhavesexwithyourhusband?-有-满意吗？-Yes.-Doyouenjoyit?先回到焦虑的话题上Backtoyouranxietyforamoment有自杀的念头吗？Youhavethoughtsofsuicide,Deirdre?你有自杀的念头吗？Doyouhavesuicidalthoughts?你曾经想过自杀吗？Doyoueve
29、rthinkofkillingyourself?你多久会出现自杀的念头？Andhowoftenwouldyousayyouhavethesethoughtsofsuicide?和我老公上♥床♥之后Rightafter1havesexwithmyhusband.那是什么？Whatarethose?烦宁Valium.安定神经的药Toquietthenerves.他是合格医生吗？IsheanMDdoctor?对，我说过一百次了他在耶鲁大学拿到学位Yes,andasvetoldyou100times,hegothisMDatYale.你从哪听说这家伙？Andyouheard
30、aboutthisguyfromwhere?纽波医师Dr.Nupal.贾斯登的过敏医师Augusten1Sallergist.你要是有点担当，多关心儿子就会知道他是谁Ifyouweremoreofamanandinvolvedinyourson,slife,youdknowwhothatwas.我闻到粪肥的味道1smellmanure.我没闻到1dontsmellanything.我闻到了，从你耳朵传出来的1do,Ismellmanure.Itscomingoutofyourears.贱女人Fuckingbitch.我不快乐munhappy.我不快乐诺曼，如果你不快乐，为什么还不离婚？Norm
31、an,ifyouresounhappy,whystayinthismarriage?我不知道1dontknowwhy.我儿子Myson.我想那不是原因，我想是因为你太舒服了1dontthinkthatswhyyoustay,Norman.1thinkyoustaybecauseit,scomfortable.跟你的认知有关lt,swhatyouknow.小时候你的母亲太强势Youweretrappedinyourchildhoodbyacastratingmother,成年后你在寻找相同的女性原型andasanadultmaleyouhavesoughtthesamefemalearchety
32、pe.真知灼见，也是事实Well,that,sjustbrilliant.Andverytrue.荻翠，抽烟在我的诊所是极大的特权Deirdre,smokingisagreatprivilegeinmysanctuary.我容许你拥有这项特权Butforyou,1willallowit.谢谢Thankyou.你是说我们应该分手？Soyouresayingweshouldsplitup?如果要做出结论Inordertoreachthatconclusion,Norman,我需要定期见你和荻翠1wouldneedtoseebothyouandDeirdreonaregularanddiscipli
33、nedbasis.一天五小时Forfivehoursaday.范奇医师，我没问题mavailable,Dr.Finch.一天五小时？不行，我要上班Fivehoursaday?1cantdothat.1havetowork!范奇医师，我说吧，我嫁给一个自恋狂See,Dr.Finch,1toldyou.mmarriedtoanarcissist.诺曼，如果我愿意腾出时间拯救你的婚姻你却不愿意Norman,ifImwillingtoclearmyscheduletosaveyourmarriagebutyourenot,那就出去thengetout.离开这间办公室，回家去1.eavethisoffi
34、ce,gohome,开始整理你的书和唱片andstartdividingyourbooksandyourrecordalbums.这是狗屁Thisisbullshit.真是他妈的狗屁Thisisreallyfuckingbullshit.你在写什么？Whatareyouwriting?“诺曼贝罗有杀人倾向他是个不肯认错的酒鬼”NormanBurroughsishomicidal.Heisanunapologeticalcoholic.“他很危险，对自己、老婆和孩子形成威胁”Heisdangerous,athreattohimselfhiswifeandhischild.1终于有人看出来了Fin
35、ally,somebodysees.荻翠，大胆地表达出来Deirdre,expressyourself.Letitout.跟贾斯登和我说你为什么哭TellAugustenand1whyyouarecrying.因为Cause1.我的确爱过诺曼，很久以前1didloveNormanonce,longago,但我不该嫁给他but1nevershouldvemarriedhim.那你为什么嫁呢？Sowhydidyou?我如果拒绝他的求婚他威胁要自杀，我不想害死人Hethreatenedtokillhimselfif1turneddownhisproposal.mnotamurderer.我不是好太太
36、、好母亲vefailedasawifeandamother.没错Yes,youhave.荻翠ButDeirdre,你不能和一个不懂欣赏你的才华的男人在一起youcantstaywithamanwhodoesntseeyourgift.你是个极为优秀的诗人Youareabrilliant,brilliantpoet.贾斯登，对于父母的婚姻状况Augusten,haveyouanyquestionstoaskme你有问题要问我吗？concerningthestateofyourparentsmarriage?我有一个问题1dohaveonequestion.那扇门后面有什么？Whatsbehind
37、thatdoor?那个？That?通往隔壁的房♥间Thatleadstoanadjacentroom我在里面自♥慰♥where1masturbate.范奇医师Dr.Finch.虽然我非常进化，但我还是人Asevolvedas1mayindeedbe,mstillahumanbeing,Deirdre.一个男人Amalehumanbeing.还是个十足的男人1amstillverymuchaman.想参观吗？Wouldyoulikeatour?你在干嘛，小荷？Whatisthis,Hope?天啊，爸，吓死我了)esusChrist,Dad!Youscar
38、edtheshitoutofme.你不能来这里，这是我的自♥慰♥室Hope,youvenobusinessbeinginhere!Thisismymasturbatorium!-你还盖我的毯子-我只是打个盹-Andyoureusingmyblanket.-1wasjusttakinganap.这里不是打盹的地方Nap?Thisisnottheplacefornaps!去接听电♥话♥,煮咖啡Gomindthetelephone.Makefreshcoffee.好好做你的工作Doyourjob,likearesponsiblewoman.（范
39、奇医师，荻翠贝罗）他要走了Hesleaving.现在我可以专心写作了Now1canfocusonmywriting.这里真棒Thisisnice.也许我会成为医生Maybellbecomeadoctor.就在前面，右手边Itsjustdownhere,ontheright.不是这里Thatsnotit.是吗？Isit?不可能Itcantbe.就是这里，这是范奇医师的家Thisisit,Augusten.ThisisDr.Finchshouse.没有医生住在这里Nodoctorliveshere.你好，爱妮Hello,Agnes.荻翠，请进Heno,Deirdre.Comein.佛洛依德Oh,F
40、reud.你一定是贾斯登，对吧？Well,youmustbeAugusten,isntthatright?我是爱妮，范奇医师的太太Yes,well,mAgnes.mDr.Finchswife.别拘束，我去叫医生Well,makeyourselvesathome.llgogetthedoctor.我到车上等llwaitinthecar.不能在车上等，那要等很久，也没礼貌No,no,youwillnotwaitinthecar.Itllbehoursanditsrude.待在这里跟范家的孩子聊聊Youjuststayhere.GetalongwiththeFinchchildren.荻翠，在上面U
41、phere,Deirdre.Y头Abigail,你来做什么？whatareyoudoinghere?（黑喑阴影）（狗食）想吃一点吗？Wouldyouliketotrysome?不要No.谢谢Thanks.大家何必这么大惊小怪？Whydoeseverybodymakesuchafuss?只是一点狗食而已lt,sjustalittlekibble.这东西不干净Thatstuffsnotclean.是给狗吃的lt,sfordogs.你应该害怕尝试新东西吧Well,1guessyou,reafraidtotrynewthings,Augusten.真可悲Sad.现在过圣诞太早了吧？Isntitalit
42、tleearlyforChristmas?是太迟了Youmeanlate.已经摆两年了Itsbeenupfortwoyears.我刚才便便1justpooped.真厉害，屎小孩Oh,waytogo,kiddie-poo.嘿Hey.我是娜塔丽，另一个女儿ImNatalie.Theotherdaughter.贾斯登我知道-Augusten.-1know.干嘛穿这么正式？要上教堂吗？Whatswiththeclothes,choirboy?Areyougoingtochurch?我刚才便便1justpooped.约翰摩西是我爸病人的小孩JohnMosesisthekidofoneOfmydadspa
43、tients.我们有时候要照顾他Wewatchhimsometimes.来，我应该让你有事做Comeon,msupposedtokeepyouoccupied.这是什么？-电疗器-Whatisit?-lt,sanelectroshocktherapymachine.我爸以前常用来治疗病人Mydadusedtouseitonpatientsallthetime.直到警♥察♥上门为止Untilthepolicecame.会有精采的爆破，帮我搬Comeon,itllbeawickedblast.Helpmemoveit.范奇医师现在为何在家看诊？SowhyisDr.Fin
44、chseeingpatientsinhishousenow?卡特总统逼大家开车40哩去买♥♥汽油Well,youknowhowPresidentCartermakesusdrive40milesoutofourwaytobuygas?因为我们面临.Becausewe,rein.能源危机？Anenergycrisis?对Right.因此人们没闲钱做心理治疗Well,thatmeanspeopledonthaveextramoneyforluxurieslikementalhealth,他流失了很多病人，要缩减开销soheslostalotofpatients.Hesdownsizing.准备好了吗？Areyouready?准备什么？Forwhat?你是智障吗？Areyouretarded?扮医生Toplaydoctor.好，我当医生，你当护士Okay.Well,llbethedoctorandyoucanbethenurse.我才不要当什么鬼护士mnotgonnabesomecunt-lickingnurse.我当我爸，你当你妈llbemyfatherandyoubeyourmother.好Okay.荻翠，今天感觉怎样
