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1、天啊谢天谢地你醒了OhmyGod,thankGodyoureawake.我太累了但我不想在你醒来之前睡着msotired,butIdidntwanttogotosleeptillyouwokeup.你又一晚上没睡了吗-是啊Wereyouupallnightagain?-Yes.时差太疯r但我爱死了Jetlagsinsane!ButIloveit.哦昨晚我见到了一条疯狗是个很长的故事Ooh,lastnighIsawacrazydog,it,salongstory.实际上基本上就是这样了Actually,thatsprettymuchit.昨天如何挺好的Howwasyesterday?-Itwas
2、fine.我吃了披萨Leslie在发疯Ihadpizza,Lesliescrazy.你应该准备上班了Youshouldgetreadyforwork.AndyAndy?AndyAndy!Andy两天前从伦敦回来了还在倒时差AndygotbackfromLondontwodaysagoandhestillhasjetlag.真的很烦我们的日程完全不一样Itsreallyannoying.Wereontotallydifferentschedules.昨晚半夜2点他把草坪割了一遍1.astnighthemowedthelawnat2:00inthemorning.AndyAndyAndy!Andy
3、!搞瓶啤酒一行吧Getmeabeer?-Allright.只要我一醒来他就睡下睡死AssoonasIwakeup,hegoesdown.Hard.必须停下了Thishastostop!宝醒醒Babe,wakeup.那是我的意面啊楚巴卡Thatsmyspaghetti,Chewbacca.宝Babe!醒醒醒醒醒醒Wakeup,wakeup,wakeup!天啊宝Mygod,babe!你饿了吗冠军Youhungry,Champion?哦我的神啊你开玩笑呢吧Oh,myGod.Areyoukiddingme?嘿哦天我又睡着了Hey.Oh,man,Ifellasleepagain.Andy你必须醒着回到正
4、常的生物钟Andy,youhavegottostayupandgetonaregularschedule.你是打算在屋子里用水管朝我喷水吗Wereyouabouttospraymewiththehoseinsidethehouse?是啊Yeah.我有点想让你现在来Ikindawantyoutodoitnow.好啊啊啊Okay.-Aah!Aahl啊Aaahhh!pjxxs/sNo,no,no,no,no,no!公园与游憩公园与游憩第6季第10集第6季第10集好的就提醒下各位今天是Leslie任市议员的最后一天Okay,justareminder,guys,todayisLeslieslastda
5、yasacitycouncilor,所以所有人都要格外支持soeveryonebeextrasupportive.已经做到了Alreadydone.她今早经过我的时候我给了一个亲切的点头Whenshewalkedpastmethismorning,Igaveherakindnod.太暖心了还有我想给她准备份礼物让她的最后一天振作一点Heartwarming.AlsoIwanttogetherapresenttocheerheruponherlastday.有建议吗Anyideas?一份”抱歉你丢了梦想工作”的礼物吗Asorryyoulostyourdreamjobgift?嗯是个难题远离酒精M
6、m,thatsatoughone.Stayawayfromwine.酒可是催泪汁Wineiscryingjuice.你知道她真的很喜欢华夫饼Youknow,shereallylikeswaffles.你应该给她买♥♥条3.5米长的眼镜蛇然后取名华夫饼Youshouldgethera12-footcobraandnameitWaffles.嗯我是说你比其他人都了解她Well,Imean,youknowherbetterthananybody.她真心想要什么在世上最想要什么Whatdoesshereallywant?Morethananythingintheworld?
7、一根好蜡烛我完蛋了Anicecandle.mscrewed.Andy别-AndyAndy!No!-Andy!An-Andy-哦不是吧An-Andy!-Oh!Comeon!Andy-马上出来Andy!-Berightout.嗯这就是Pawnee市议会的会议厅了Well,thisisthePawneeCityCouncilchambers.你新的第二个家Yournewhomeawayfromhome.嗯实际上我的第二个家是苏黎世Well,technically,myhomeawayfromhomeisinZurich.解构主义建筑之父弗兰克盖里设计的但这也很棒了FrankGehrydesigned
8、itButthisisnicetoo.今天是我最后当议-不好意思Todayismylastdayasa-excuseme.让我重新来今天是我最后当议员-1.etmetrythisagain.TodayismylastdayatC-今天是我最TodayismyIa-今天是我最后一Todayismylastd-你猜怎么着反正你们懂的Youknowwhat?Yougettheidea.我的老朋友IngriddeForest赢得了罢免选举MyoldfriendIngriddeForestwontherecallvote,她周一早上就要接替我的位置了andshestakingmyplaceonMonda
9、ymorning.但你知道幸运的是我已经消化了我的情绪But,youknow,luckilyforme,Iveprocessedallmyfeelings.我已经经过了悲伤的五个阶段Andvegonethroughthefivestagesofgrief:原版是“否认愤怒讨价还价沮丧接受“否认愤怒网上留言Denial,anger,Internetcommenting,猫咪领养非洲舞把猫还回领养地catadoption,Africandance,catreturningtotheadoptionplace,看完墨菲布朗的每一集还有屁都不在乎watchingalltheepisodesofMurp
10、hyBrown,andnotgivingaflyingfart.这已经几个阶段了Howmanystagesisthat?我不知道呢重点是我现在没事了Idontknow.Thepointismfinenow.你应该了解其他的议员们Youshouldknowabouttheothercouncilmen.Howser议员通情达理CouncilmanHowserisreasonable.Milton议员是个106岁的种族歧视者CouncilmanMiltonisa106-year-oldracist但如果你给他一袖子的咸饼干他就在你手掌心了butifyougivehimasleeveofsaltin
11、es,hellbeputtyinyourhands.Jamm议员是个有糟糕发型的腐♥败♥牙医CouncilmanJammisacorruptdentistwithterriblehair.而在Dexhart议员周围要注意背后AndwatchyourbackaroundCouncilmanDexhart.怎么他很鬼鬼祟祟吗Why?Isheverysneaky?不我是说字面意义上的No,Imeanliterally.他偷♥拍♥女性下背部的照片然后放上TWitterHetakespicturesofwomenslowerbacksandputs
12、themonTwitter.他是个变♥态♥He,saperv.这对你来说肯定很难Thismustbehardforyou.英国影视演员曾饰演指环王中的甘道夫就像是IanMcKeIlen爵士曾在ItslikewhatsirIanMcKellensaidtomeChanel的服装设计师我把船卖♥♥给卡尔拉格斐的那天说过的thedayIsoldmyboattoKarlLagerfeld:罗密欧与朱丽叶中的台词禹别是如此甜蜜的悲伤Partingissuchsweetsorrow.哦天啊你的生活是什么样的啊Oh,myGod.Whatisyourli
13、fe?如果能让你好受一点你在这里的工作真的鼓舞了我Ifitmakesanydifference,yourworkherewasarealinspirationtome,而我会尽全力延续你的遗赠的and1amgoingtodomybesttocontinueyourlegacy.嗯我感激你这份感情Well,Iappreciatethesentiment1.eslie1.eslie.不好意思我刚刚唱再见了黄砖路太大声了吗msorry.WasIsingingGoodbyeYellowBrickRoadoutloud?没有但你想唱吗No.Butwouldyouliketo?我在巴黎索邦大学学过歌&he
14、arts;剧我很愿意唱和声IstudiedoperaattheSorbonne.dbehappytoharmonize.再见.-再见Goodbye.-Goodbye.算了，Naw.最后Andfinally,这是买♥♥断租个型”的支票hereisacheckfortheentiretyofthepurchaseofRent-A-Swag.而这是来自我的客户Saperstein医生的一条私人留言AndhereisapersonalnotefrommyclientDr.Saperstein.“亲爱的Tom我赢了你很烂翻到背面DearTom:Iwin.Yousuck.Tur
15、nnoteover.你还是很烂翻到背面”Youstillsuck.Turnnoteover.好吧SaPerStein甚至不愿意自己来面对我吗Okay,Sapersteincouldntevenfacemehimself?他非得送个仆人来吗Hehadtosendinhislackey?我的客户不在这次会议是因为他不需要Myclientisntatthismeetingbecausehedoesnthavetobe.成功人士Haverford先生Successfulpeople,Mr.Haverford,使用他们的钱让其他人为他们工作usetheirmoneytouseotherstoworkfo
16、rthem.嗯是个有意思的主意律师哥们Hmm,itsaninterestingidea,lawyer-dude.我要是给你五块钱在Saperstein的车里放一包屎呢WhatifIgaveyou5buckstoputabagofpoopinSaperstein1Scar?不No.开个范围吧要花多少钱Ballparkme.Howmuchwoulditcost?$l♥O♥O♥O♥O♥$10,000.反提议Counter-offer:你为啥不就为了故事做一次呢Whydontyoujustdoitforthestory?再见Have
17、rford先生Goodbye,Mr.Haverford.结束了吗Isitdone?嗯他翻了纸条多少次呢Well,howmanytimesdidheturnthepaperover?哦那也太令人失望了0h,thatisdisappointing.所以So.看看这个宝宝吧lookatthisbaby.这是我见过最对称的胎儿了Thatisthemostsymmetricalfetusveeverseen.这可能是个超级英雄呢Thiscouldbeasuperhero.Saperstein医生在呢Dr.Saperstein.-Yes.我知道我们应该讨厌你Iknowthatweshouldhateyou
18、因为你毁掉了我们朋友的生意becauseyoudestroyedourfriendsbusiness.但我们太爱你了我们爱你Butweloveyousomuch!-Weloveyou!我太可爱mloveable!所以你们想知道性别吗Sodoyouwannaknowthesex?哦天啊应该吗Oh,myGod.Shouldwe?不不应该对吧或者或许应该N-no,right?Ormaybeyes?除了应不应该还有其他选择吗Isthereanoptionotherthanyesorno?我告诉你们我会怎么做lltellyouwhatmgonnado.我要写下来mgonnawriteitdown.然后我
19、放在信封里封上当你面准备好时Thenmgonnaputitinanenvelope,sealit,andwhenyou,reready,看吧voila!会很好玩的-就像是奥斯卡啊Thatllbefun!-ThatsliketheOscars.嘿我们去吃点东西吧我饿死了Hey,letsgetsomefood.mstarving.等等不我得尿尿Wait,no,Ihavetopee.等等不我得呕吐Waino,Ihavetobarf.实际上三个都是怀孕太棒了Actually,allthree.Beingpregnantisgreat.然后最后利J润里Larry的份额And,finally,Larrys
20、shareoftheprofit.哇$72哦.Whoa!$72.正好是我的油费Thatistheexactamountofmygasbill.当Larry真好GoodtobeLarry.不不好你个无聊的爷爷No,itsnot,youboringgrandpa.同时TOmmy可是春风得意Meanwhile,Tommysridin,high.$32000$32,000.我基本上是百万富翁了mbasicallyamillionaire.你要拿这些钱做什么呢TomWhatareyougonnadowiththemoney,Tom?很高兴你问了一个糟糕的人最近给了我一些好建议Gladyouasked.A
21、horriblemanrecentlygavemesomegreatadvice.几年来我都是自己在想点子Foryears,vebeencomingupwithmyownideas.就像一些那种不有钱的蠢货1.ikesomesortofnon-richidiot.现在我要让人们来找我Nowmgonnaletpeoplecometome然后在我听到最好的主意里投进我的票子andinvestmyscrillainthebestideaIhear.那听起来像是自♥由♥市场的有效利用Thatsoundslikeanefficientuseofthefreemarket.我想
22、祝你好运Iwouldwishyouthebestofluck,但我相信运气是弱者发明用来解释他们失败的概念butIbelieveluckisaconceptinventedbytheweaktoexplaintheirfailures.来和我一起听吧RonComeheartheideaswithme,Ron.我可以用上你智慧的爷爷般的建议Icoulduseyourwise,grandfatherlyadvice.你觉得这里所有人都是爷爷吗Doyouthinkeveryonehereisagrandfather?基本上如果你比我老你就是爷爷Basically,ifyoureolderthanme
23、,youreagrandpa.如果你是个爷爷你就死了Andifyouareagrandpa,you,redead.听起来没问题呃哎呀Thatsoundsright.-Uh,oops.这张支票是写给“Lenny”的ThischeckismadeouttoLenny我觉得是“Larry”的错写whichIthinkisatypofor,Larry,那个甚至不是我的名字whichisntevenactuallymyname.嗯去和银行说吧LennyWell,tellittothebank,Lenny.我是-我现在是Lenny了吗AmI-amILennynow?我想预订一条唱歌♥的电报d
24、liketoorderasingingtelegram.嗯我老婆刚刚失去了工作所以可能一些悲伤缓慢的旋律Well,mywifelostherjob,somaybesomethingsadandslow.你会唱梦之安魂曲原声带里的哪首吗DoyouknowanythingfromTheRequiemforaDreamsoundtrack?2000年的一部反吸毒的电影这个主意好糟糕我要挂掉了拜Thisisabadidea.mhangingupnow.Bye.嗯Ingrid坐进了我的办公室Well,Ingridissettledintomyoffice,而这个盒子包含我最后的东西andthisboxc
25、ontainsthelastofmystuff虽然我可能在桌子里留下了几个盐包AlthoughImighthaveleftsomesaltpacketsinmydesk.或许我该回去拿呢MaybeIshouldgobackforthose?亲爱的没事的会有其他的盐包的Honey,itsokay,therellbeothersaltpackets.但不是那种断两半的或许Butnotthekindthatsnapsinhalf,maybe.好吧我知道我一直在重复失败Okay,Iknowmabrokenrecord,但远离市议会对你完全是最好的事相信我butgettingawayfromtheCit
26、yCouncilisabsolutelythebestthingforyou.Trustme.在我作为鹏鸽城市长被弹劾之后After1wasimpeachedasmayorofPartridge,我从大学回来参与了下一场竞选Icamebackfromcollegeandraninthenextelection.当时我对手的竞选口号♥是BenWyatt恶心Now,myopponentscampaignsloganwas,nBenWyatt.Blah!他领先了60个百分点Hewonby60points.我不知道我自己要怎么做1dontknowwhatmgonnadowithmysel
27、f不管你做什么都会很棒的Whateveryoudo,youllbegreat.这是PerdHapley在跟你说关于今天发生什么事情的话ThisisPerdHapleytalkingtoyounowaboutwhatsgoingontoday.我们在市议会直播在此市议员DexhartWereliveatCityHallwhereCityCouncilmanDexhart正在针对他最新的性丑闻发表演说isaddressinghislatestsexscandal.最近一些关于我不合适行为的指控浮出水面Recently,certainallegationshavecometolightaboutmy
28、inappropriateconduct.我来这里是为了澄清的mheretosettherecordstraight.所有的事情我确实都做了Itotallydidallofit.又一次性丑闻吗那家伙真的难以置信Anothersexscandal?Thisguy,sunbelievable.他是怎么找到时间的Howdoeshefindthetime?在我上次的纷乱之后Aftermylastimbroglio,我了解到我是一个性和爱的成瘾者Ilearnedthat1amasexandloveaddict.而在康复中心我见到了其他的同类Andinrehab,Imetotherpeoplelikeme
29、.其他也在挣扎的人Otherpeoplestruggling.我和他们中的大多数都发生了性关系Ihadsexwithmostofthosepeople.我也参与了不合适的短♥信♥Ialsoengagedininappropriatetexting,性短♥信♥还有JS♥信sexting,andtex-mexting,也就是你在一家Chillis的外卖♥♥餐厅卫生间发送你大展♥的照片whichiswhereyousendphotosofyourjunkfromtherestroomofa
30、chili,stogo.嗯-恶心Hmm.-Ew.这会让我变成坏男人吗Doesthismakemeabadboy?你告诉我啊Youtellme.不真的跟我说No.Really.Tellme.女人这么跟我说的时候让我有快♥感♥Itgetsmeoffwhenwomentellmethat.他是在读啊他居然是写下来的Hesreadingthis,hewrotethisdown.我把这些短♥信♥发给差不多100个女人用了以下的假名Isentthesetextstoroughly100womenunderthefollowingpseudonyms:
31、Enrique冲击波EnriqueShockwave,Willie炸♥药♥WillieDynamite,1.eeHarvey舔蛋1.eeHarveyTeabag.嗯至少你不用再跟那个家伙折腾了Well,atleastyouwonthavetodealwiththatguyanymore.威廉冯阴♥茎♥中尉-你是对的啊1.ieutenantWilhelmVonPenis.-Youreright.如果某人在下一次竞选中打败他Notaftersomeonebeatshiminthenextelection.这个某人很聪明很努力Someonewh
32、oissmartandhard-working懂得这份工作因为她已经做过了andwhoknowsthejobbecauseshesdoneitalready还是金发名叫LeSIie还爱你andisalsoblondandnamedLeslieandlovesyou.是你吗-是是的Isityou?-Yes!Itis!我要再次参选mgonnarunagain.我要打败DexhartmgonnabeatDexhart!还有Anthony香肠AndAnthonyWeiner.又一次市议会竞选吗AnotherCityCouncilcampaign?1.eslie想想你在说什么1.eslie,thinka
33、boutwhatyouresaying.我想了我挑战你在我计划里找到一处瑕疵Idid.Ichallengeyoutofindoneflawinmyplan.嗯第一条我们甚至没住在Dexhart的选区Well,forone,wedontevenliveinDexhartsdistrict.是还没Notyet!但我们可以去租第二套公♥寓♥Butwecangoandrentasecondapartment,而我们可以在那边过51%的时间andwecanspend51%ofourtimethere.然后我就从那个地址提出竞选Andthenllfilethecampaignf
34、ormfromthataddress.我不想在他的选区度过我们51%的时间啊Idontwanttospend51%ofourtimeinhisdistrict.那边基本上是个海运旧集装箱的弃置场It,sbasicallyadumpinggroundforoldshippingcontainers.就像是个浣熊贫民区哦没那么差的It,slikearaccoonshantytown.-Oh,itsnotthatbad.此外DeXhart手段很脏的Andalso,Dexhartfightsdirty.他没输过一场竞选因为他的策略残忍♥片甲不留He,sneverlostanelectio
35、nbecauseherunsbrutal,scorched-earthcampaigns.那又怎样我有那个卑鄙小人的一堆黑料呢Sowhat?Igotplentyofdirtonthatscumbag.我说放马过来吧”Isay,Bringiton.所以我要开始针对Dexhart的负面公♥关♥闪电战然后一SomgonnastartmynegativePRblitzagainstDexhartand你看我就觉得我们需要深呼吸1.ook,Ijustthinkweneedtotakeadeepbreath.考虑下这一切是不是真的值得Thinkaboutifthisisreal
36、lyworthit.能让我回到市议会什么都值得AnythingisworthmegettingbackonCityCouncil.好了Okay.我们来看看这些幸运空想家们哪一位能让我有钱1.etsseewhichoneoftheseluckyvisionariesisgonnamakemerich.GregPhillipsGregPhillips!你们好感谢你们见我-闲聊够r你推销的啥孩子Hi,guys,thanksformeetingwithme.-Enoughchitchat.Whatsyourpitch,kid?来吧时间就是金钱金钱就是力量Comeon,timeismoney,money
37、ispower,力量就是披萨披萨就是知识powerispizza,pizzaisknowledge.开始好的1.etsgo.-Okay.所以我的主意是一个算盘但在你手♥机♥上Somyideaisforanabacus,butonyourphone.我叫做手♥机&hearts盘Icallitaphone-bacus.孩子你刚刚描述的就是计算器Son,youjustdescribedacalculator.嘿但你们已经讨论起来了对吧Hey,butyouretalkingaboutiright?五个字,Threewords:自动数词器Automatedwor
38、dcounter.快滚Getout两个字Two.Words.别-一个字No.-One.Word.我是Harris-而我是BrettmHarris.AndmBrett.而这是Andthisis.灰尘机器Thedirtmachine!我们是同时说的Wesaiditatthesametime!我们那句也是同时说的Wesaidthatatthesametime!你们可能知道Asyoumayknow,我确实喜欢在我车♥库♥里修修?R卜Idoliketotinkerwiththingsinmygarage.他还在的话我就去拉了mgonnahitthecanwhilehe,sup
39、.所以我觉得我发现了一种干净可再生能源的方式SoIthinkIhavediscoveredawaytogenerateclean,renewableenergy.我觉得会改-Ithinkit,sgonnach-哦恶心一天啊LalTyOh!Gross!-God,Larry.你喷得我们全身都是-我不会买♥♥那玩意儿的Yousneezedalloverus!-mnotgonnabuythatthing.上面裹了你一吨♥鼻涕It,scoveredinagallonofyourboogers.我完全理解Itotallyunderstand.呃哎呀Uh,jeez.
40、要是生个女孩我会很兴奋的Iwillbethrilledifwehaveagirl.哦小裙子吗Oh,tinydresses?编辫子吗所有东西加闪粉吗算了吧Braids?Glitteroneverything?Forgetit.而且女孩子的名字都好可爱Andalso,girlsnamesaresocute.DaisyAnnabelleLillyDaisy,Annabelle,Lilly.橄榄迷迭香OliveROSemary鸡肉五十个玉米煎饼Olive,Rosemary,chicken.Fiftyburritos.哦天啊我饿死了服务员嗨Oh,myGod,mstarving.Miss,hi!我怀孕了而
41、且我有点点疯了mpregnant,andmalittlebitcrazy.所以如果你30秒钟之内不给我们上开胃菜的话Soifyoudontbringourappetizersoutinthenext30seconds,我就把你的脸掘进油炸锅里去mgonnaplungeyourfaceintothedeepfryer!还有两杯水拜托但是不着急Andalsotwowaters,please.Butnohurry.谢谢Thankyou.1.eslie我不知道这些邮件里能挖出什么故事1.eslie,Idontknowiftheresastoryintheseemails.它们是很可疑但Dexhart已
42、经承认了更糟糕的事情Theyreiffy,butDexharthasalreadyadmittedtowayworsestuff.嗯他可不只有这些猛料呢Well,there,smorewherethatcamefrom.我手上有些他的事情太下流了IhavesomestoriesonhimthataresonastyJackieCollins专写名流韵事的畅销小说家感觉像是从金瓶梅里扒出来的theyseemliketheyrerippedfromaJackieCollinsnovel.Dexhart已经当选八次了Dexharthasbeenelectedeighttimes.我觉得选民们根本不在
43、乎Idontthinkthevoterscare.丑闻曝出来之后他的调直数字甚至还上升了Hispollnumbersareactuallyupsincethescandalbroke.MileyCyrus著名歌♥手嗯那只是因为人们发现他是MileyCyrus的表哥而已Well,that,sjustbecausepeoplefoundouthewasMileyCyrus,cousin.他是吗嗯那是日报可以发的故事啊Heis?Well,thatsastorythejournalcanrunwith.早上好啊LeslieGoodmorning,Leslie.美胸妹Sweetjugs.咋
44、啦他还挺帅的啊What?Heskindacute.哦天啊Shauna别Oh,God,Shauna,no.我我就感觉我能让他变好你知道吗I-IjustfeellikeIcouldfixhim,youknow?这也太烂了Thissucks!我们听了一百个推销点子它们全都很烂Weheardahundredpitches,andtheyreallterrible.计划变更Changeofplans.你们就是我的点子工厂了Youguysaremyideafactory.April来-好有一个April,go.-Okay,gotone.通心粉和毒药Macaroniandpoison.就像芝士通心粉但配料很
45、特别Itslikemacandcheese,butwithaspecialingredient.Ron呢我买♥♥过的插座套只有半寸的Ron?-Everysocketsetveeverboughtonlygoesupto1/2inch.我想要更大一点的尺寸dloveacouplelargersizes.路上到5/8寸Takeitallthewayupto5/8.Andy呢Andy?熊在蹦床路上跳Bearsbouncingontrampolineroads.有可能我是梦到了那个TheresachancethatImighthavedreamedthat.我确实曾经有个主意做个斧子就是更大一点Ididoncehaveanideaforanax,butbigger.我叫做“大斧子”Icalledit,LargeAx.你知道人们有瓶装水吗Youknowhowpeoplebottledwater?如果你瓶
