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1、那天晚上我正开着车Somdrivingmycartheothernight,知道发生什么了吗andwhatdoyouthinkhappens?我撞到了电线杆上Icrashedintoautilitypole.更惨的是Then,toaddinsulttoinjury.我被电打了Iwaselectrocuted.真是无语Whatcan1say?就那么发生了Itwasoneofthosedays.所有邻居都听到了Allmyneighborsheardithappen,她们很快放下了卷饼sotheyquicklylefttheirmicrowavedburritos.价格不菲的润肤霜Andtheire
2、xpensivejarsofmoisturizer.计费电影Andtheirracypay-per-viewmovies.冲到外面Andtheyhurriedoutside,想知道究竟发生了什么事excitedtoseewhatalltheruckuswasabout她们看到是我时Butthen,whentheysawitwasme,奇怪的事情发生了thisweirdthinghappened.片刻寂静大家站着不动Foramoment,noonemovedorsaidanything.只是盯着我Theyjuststared.然后Andthen.天哪Oh,mygod.大家一阵躁动Allhellb
3、rokeloose.有人懂心肺复苏吗DoesanybodyknowC.P.R.?这里发生了意外Theresbeenanaccident.伊迪Edie!能听到我说话吗Canyouhearme?是的大家都开始关心我Yes,everyonesuddenlybecameveryconcerned,这很让我感动whichwastouching,但最终还是无济于事butultimatelypointless.急救车到达之前Momentsbeforetheambulancefinallyarrived,我听到有人小声说Iheardsomeonewhisper.伊迪不要担心Dontworry,Edie.会过去
4、的你会没事的Youregonnagetthroughthis.Youregonnabejustfine.苏珊梅尔又错rSusanMayer.wrongagain.两秒之后Twosecondslater,ithappened.在所有邻居的注视KWithallofmyneighborssurroundingme,我咽下了最后一口气Itookmylastbreath.也有好的一面Thegoodnews?虽然我死了IdiedjustlikeIlived.但仍像活着一样是大家瞩目的焦点Asthecompleteanduttercenterofattention.在我升♥天♥两
5、日之后TwodaysafterIkickedtheproverbialbucket,我丈夫让邻居们帮个忙myhusbandaskedmyneighborstodomeafavor.从她们的表情你可以看出Youcouldtellfromthelooksontheirfaces她们并不情愿itwasn,tsomethingthey.wantedtodo,但她们最后还是答应了but.theyagreedtodoitanyway.然后第二天她们聚在车里Sothenextday,theypiledintoacar带着两个装满咖啡的保温瓶withtwothermosesfilledwithcoffee,一
6、个装满烤饼的篮了abasketfilledwithbakedgoods还有一个装有我的骨灰缸andanurnthatwasfilledwith.me.真讨厌我们要这么做Ihatethatwehavetodothis.你已经说过了我是说这是一个亲人应该做的Soyouvesaid.Imean,itreallyisthekindofthingarelativeshoulddo.也许吧但我们已经在去那的路上了Maybeitis,butwe,reinthecar,onourwaythere,还是别抱怨了那你至少该把广播打开吧sostopyourbitching.Well,canyouatleastput
7、therad100n?如果我能跟着唱歌♥什么的话就不会感觉有抱怨了IwontfeellikebitchingifIcansingalongtosomething.你要唱的话我就开始抱怨Ifyoustartsinging,llstartbitching,你不想吧要坐4个小时的车andyoudon,twantthat.Itsa4-hourdrive.我们要做点事来消磨时间Wehavetodosomethingtopassthetime.我有个建议为什么不谈谈伊迪呢Heresathought.WhydontwetalkaboutEdie?说什么Andsaywhat?不知道但她是我们在车
8、上的原因1dontknow,butsheisthereasonwereonthistrip.也许我们可以谈谈有关她的问忆Uh,maybewecouldsharememoriesortellstories.那就从Mm.Whydontyoustartwiththetime她试图偷你那昏迷不醒的男朋友开始吧shetriedtostealyourcomatoseboyfriend?有意思我在想Thatwasfun.Okay,Iwasthinking伊迪的一些积极方面的事ofstoriesthatputEdieinapositivelight.5分钟就说完了然后呢Andafterthatfiveminu
9、tesisup,thenwhatdowedo?她死了我们尊敬下她吧Thewomanisdead,people.1.etshonorhermemory.我们都想说些好的事Well,mallforsayingafewnicethings.但你们从没做过真正的朋友Butyouwereneverreallyfriends.你跟伊迪从一开始就势不两立YouandEdieclashedrightfromthestart.是啊Yeah.每个人都这么想Thatswhateverybodythinks.但我们第一次见面时Butthethefirsttimewemet,本以为是要成为好朋友的itseemedlik
10、ewedendupbeingthebestoffriends.真恶心Oh,thatsdisgusting.没啥No,itsokay.它掉在了袋子上Itlandedonthedetergentbox.拿去Here.再去买♥♥个新鲜的面包圈Yougobuyyourselfafreshdoughnut或是能缓解疼痛的酒啊之类的东西orbooze,crack,whatevereasesthepain.把它扔了Justmoveitalong.你认为我是流浪汉吗不是Uh,youthinkmhomeless.Oh,no,no,no.我住这里No,Ilivehere.我可以证明I-
11、Icanproveit.这垃圾袋里我都知道有什么Iknowexactlywhatsinthisgarbagebag.空鸡蛋盒咖啡沫Um,emptycartonofeggs,coffeegrinds,洗发水瓶shampoobottle.减肥膏Wartremovalcream?你说对了我是流浪汉Youreright.mhomeless.我是苏珊梅尔SusanMayer.Oh.都弄干净rIt,sallclearedup.伊迪布利特我刚搬进来Mm.EdieBritt.Ijustmovedindownthestreet.我看到搬家汽车了欢迎Oh,yeah.IsawthemovingVan.Welcome
12、.111射谢Thanks.你是一个人还是跟家人一起Soisitjustyou,ordoyouhaveafamily?我有个儿子跟他爸住在一起Ihaveason.Heliveswithhisdad.说来话长下次我们喝酒的时候可以谈Itsalongstory.lltellyouonedayoveraMargarita.你想让我进去喝一杯吗YouwannainvitemeinforaMargarita?咖啡怎么样我刚煮上Howaboutcoffee?Ijustputonapot.好极了Great.你可以告诉我邻居们的事Youcanfillmeinonalloftheneighborhoodgossi
13、p,从对面那红头发开始startingwiththeredheadacrossthestreet拿着松饼篮子像个机器人withthemuffinbasket.Thatsarobot,right?好我们随便聊聊Funnyandlikestogossip.我们会相处得不错的是的We,regonnagetalongjustfine.Yes,weare.等等停下来Wait.Stop.能不能休息一会Couldwejustrestforasecond?我们才过了4条街Weveonlygonefourblocks.好吧我撒谎了Okay,Ilied.我讨厌跑步Ihaterunning.你之前为什么不说Well
14、,whydidn,tyousaysomething?我们都跑了一周了因为我们刚成为朋友Wevebeendoingthisforaweek.Becausewewerestartingtobecomefriends,你喜欢跑步我喜欢andyouliketorun,andIliketo.坐下Sitand.我们中要有一个人妥协Oneofushadtogive.苏珊你好你好海伦Hi,Susan!Oh,hi,Helen,ed.我应该介绍你们认识Iwouldhaveintroducedyou,但她一旦开始说就没完没了butonceHelenstartstalking,shedoesntshutup.是啊爱德
15、跟我说过你见过爱德RightEdtoldmethat.Oh,youmeted?我很了解他Oh,yeah.Ivegottentoknowhimquitewell.为什么Yeah?我们一起Werekinda.做过Doingit做过什么Doingwhat?那个It.爱德结过婚了Edismarried.我是个顽皮的女孩Yeah,manaughtygirl.你这么做不道德,No,yourebeingimmoral.这是通奸罪Yourecommittingadultery.准确来说爱德是通奸我只是找人上♥床♥Actually,Edscommittingadultery.mjus
16、tgettinglaid.忘了我说的吧Youknow,forgetIevermentionedit.这种事我忘不了Icantforgetsomethinglikethis.海伦是我很好的朋友我以为你只是说她Helenismyverygoodfriend.Ithoughtyoujustsaidthatshewas.她是没完没了地说话她来敲门我躲着Sheisannoying,andIhidewhensheknocksonmydoor,但你不应该破坏她的婚姻butshedoesnotdeserveforyoutobewreckinghermarriage.你要去哪Whereareyougoing?回
17、家Home.你不再是我的朋友了吗Oh,soyourenotgonnabemyfriendanymore?是的1dontthinkso.我以为你不喜欢跑步Ithoughtyoudidntlikerunning.那要看我是否为躲人而逃Well,itdependsonwhatmrunningawayfrom!我是住在那边的小姐Hi.mthewhorethatlivesdownthestreet能不能向你借一包避孕套CouldIborrowacupofcondoms?一包你确定够用吗Acup?Areyousurethatllbeenough?我知道你不喜欢我1.ook,Iknowthatyoudont
18、likeme.但我来是要帮你一个忙的butIamheretodoyouafavoranyway.昨晚我出去吃饭了Iwasouttodinnerlastnight,我看到你老公跟别的女人在一起真的吗and1sawyourhusbandwithanotherwoman.Really?我很不想这么说Ifeelbadsayingit,但如果我是你的话我是想知道的butifIwereinyourshoes,Iwouldwanttoknow.不用客气Yourewelcome.我知道了Oh,Igetit.你觉得我批判过你然后想报复SoyoufeelIjudgedyou,andforrevenge,于是想毁坏
19、我的婚姻youretryingtomakemeinsecureaboutmymarriage.如果我想报复IfIwantedrevenge,我会加入他们来个三人行了Iwouldhavejoinedthemandmadeitathreesome.卡尔从来不会欺骗我Youknow,Karlwouldnevercheat,跟他一起的女人是布兰迪他秘书andthewomanhewaswith.Brandi,hissecretary,他带她去庆祝生日andhetookheroutforherbirthday.又是“我带秘书Oh,theoldmtakingmysecretary去庆祝生日”的老路子outf
20、orherbirthdayroutine.编得真经典Hmm.Nicetipofthehattotheclassics.既然你想谈谈道德Okay,well,sinceyoureonthismoralroll,我们为什么不去找海伦谈谈whydontwewalkovertoHelens?我可以介绍你我们喝喝茶AndIwillintroduceyou.Wecanhavesometea,然后你俩可以交流andthenyoutwocouldswapstories爱德最喜欢的姿势aboutEd,sfavoritepositions.我跟布兰迪的行为完全不同WhatIdoandwhatBrandisdoing
21、iscompletelydifferent.怎么说How?我没打算破坏他的婚姻mnotlookingtobreakupanyonesmarriage.我只是找乐手免费餐minitforalittlefun,somefreemeals帮一个不快乐的男人度过中年危机andtohelpanunhappymanthroughhismidlifecrisis.你真是不求回报啊Wow.Yourejustagiver.行Fine.用尽全力来批判我吧忽略现实问题Useallofyourenergyjudgingmeandignoretherealproblem.我来跟你说吧Butletmetellyousom
22、ething.这方面是我的特长Thisismyareaofexpertise,我看到那女人的眼睛andIsawthelookinthatwoman,seyes.她不是找免费餐的她要永久占有Shesnotinitforthefreemeals.She,sinitforkeeps.你该走了Youshouldleavenow.苏珊你知道吗Youknow,Susanl我喜欢帮邻居摆脱苦海mtryingtohelpmyneighborout.我认为那是道义上应该做的事1thoughtitwasthemoralthingtodo.三周后我在卡尔的汽车杂物箱里发现rThreeweekslater,Ifoun
23、dBrandisbra布兰迪的内衣你们都知道接下来的事了inKarlsglovecompartment,and,well,youknowtherest.看到了吧伊迪真的很了解男人SaywhatyouwantaboutEdie,shereallyunderstoodmen.在这么多年的研究之后她应该了解Ishouldhopeso.Afterallthoseyearsofresearch.我忍♥不住想伊迪和我一起度过的相互抨击的时光IcanthelpthinkingaboutallthetimesEdieandIsnipedateachother.我们本来可以成为好朋友的Wecoul
24、dhavebeengoodfriends.如果她知道你将为她做的事的话Well,ifsheknewwhatyoureabouttodoforher,她过去什么事都会一笔勾消的shedforgiveyouforeverything.我的时间到了谁来拿着伊迪Okay,myhoursup.SomeoneelseholdEdienow.我来拿着吧Mm.1Itakeher.看起来像是猫的粪便Kindalookslikecatlitter.勒奈特不要看着伊迪1.ynette,don,tlookatEdie.怎么我会变成石头吗她又坚韧又狂野Orwhat,llturntostone?Shesallrougha
25、ndgritty.加布在我们尝到伊迪是什么味道前Uh,Gaby,beforewelearnwhatEdietasteslike.我来拿Igotit.我认为好好拿着是对死者的一点点尊敬Ithinkalittlemorereverenceforthedeadisinorder.拜托我们在谈论伊迪Oh,please.WeretalkingaboutEdie.我们需要一点点不敬Alittlemoreirreverenceiswhatweneed.给我Giveit.你们几个还记得轮流带我去化疗吗Doyouguysrememberwhenyoutookturnsdrivingmetochemo?没有一个人
26、像伊迪那样Well,noneofyoudiditlikeEdie.勒奈特Hey,1.ynette.感觉怎么样Hey.Howyoufeelin,?还那样Eh,same.这是你要的DVDWell,herestheDVDyouaskedfor.谢谢如果化疗的时候不太累我会看Thanks.llwatchitduringchemoifmnottootired.饭来了Herewego.伊迪你好Oh,hi,Edie.那是什么Hi.Ugh.Whatisthat?这是一种健康的发酵粗米汁lt,sahealthshakeoffermentedbrownrice,为了让她好入口andforherentree,还有萝
27、卜牛薨根和小白菜沙拉asaladofradish,burdockrootandbokchoy.那水刑官甜点吃什么呢Mmm.Whatsfordessert,waterboarding?谢谢Thanks.我这么坐不舒服Icantgetcomfortable.能不能帮我松下枕头当然可以Couldyoufluffmypillows?Ofcourse.我还有其它事情要做Well,vegoterrandstorun,我会回来开车送你去化疗你走之前能不能帮我把袜子穿上andIllbebacktodriveyoutochemo.Beforeyougo,wouldyouputmysocksbackon?脚又冷了
28、Myfeetarecoldagain.当然可以Oh,ofcourse.凯瑟琳你有其它事情要做Katherine,youhavegotstufftodo.让我来带她去化疗吧WhydontItakehertochemo?我没关系Itsfine.好吧Okay.明天见Seeyoutomorrowthen.再见Bye.你外套在哪Okay,where,syourcoat?怎么了5点才开始化疗Why?Chemosnotuntil5:00.我中间要停一下Yeah,vegottamakealittlestopontheway.伊迪Edie!Whoo!你来过这Beenherebefore?来过几次你会喜欢的Aco
29、upleoftimes.Youregonnaloveit.Hey!喜欢我有癌症1.oveit?Ihavecancer.也许我根本就不能用女厕所Iprobablyshouldntevenusetheladiesroominthisplace.没有女厕所所以那不是个问题Oh,thereisntaladies,room,sothatsnotaproblem.我Um,I.伊迪我半小时内就要做化疗Edie,Ihavechemoinhalfanhour.行那么我们最好先喝两杯我不能喝酒Fine.Thenwebetterstartdrinking.mnotsupposedtodrink.他们也不能在厨房&h
30、earts;里纹身的Andtheyrenotsupposedtodotattoosinthekitchen,但我说行就行butIhaveabaldeagleonmyassthatsaysotherwise.两杯龙舌兰酒TwoTequilashooters!你好伊迪瑞吉我以为你在佛罗里达Hey,Edie!Reggie!0h,IthoughtyouwereinFlorida.没有他们把一具尸体当成我了Nah.Thatwasjustabodytheyidentifiedasme.瑞吉这是我朋友勒奈特0h.Reggie,thisismyfriend1.ynette.我想帮她振奋一下精神mtryingt
31、ocheerherupalittle.你想来两杆吗Righton.Youwannashootsomestick?不用谢谢Uh.No,thanks.来吧你肯定能赢他Oh,comeon.Youcantotallytakehim.不我不能看见了吧我有癌症No,Icant.Uh,see?Cancer.不用担心Oh.Nosweat.我可以让你一只手11playyouone-handed.能让我们单独聊一下吗Canyouexcuseusforonesecond?我得去化疗了我有癌症我知道Ineedtogotochemo.Ihave.cancer.Yeah,Iheard.你到底想让我♥干&he
32、arts;什么Andwhatdoyouwantfromme?我想让你振奋精神Iwantyoutofluffyourownpillows.你要开始跟病魔斗争Youneedtostartfightingthisthing.我已经尽我最大努力在做了mdoingthebestIcan.根本没有Oh,notevenclose.得了吧勒奈特你是我认识的最坚强的人Hell,1.ynette,you.youarethestrongestpersonIknow.你比我还坚强你有能力做到Youreevenstrongerthanme,andthat,ssayingsomething.现在Now.我把你带到这可能有
33、点寓谱Imaybealittleoutoflinebringingyouhere,但是你要记住你是谁butyouneedtorememberwhoyouare.让癌症去死吧Screwcancer.你是勒奈特斯加沃Youare1.ynetteScavo.两杯龙舌兰酒Twotequilas.现在你那个一只手的朋友去哪了Now.wheresthatone-armedfriendofyours?我想要来几杆m.wannashootsomestick.看来她给了你需要的Wow.Itsoundslikeshegaveyoujustwhatyouneeded.伊迪干得不错她总是提醒我这点GoodforEdi
34、e.Sheneverletmeforgetiteither.她坚持说Shealwaysinsisted是龙舌兰酒消灭了癌细胞itwastheTequilashootersthatkilledthecancer.该死怎么了Oh,whatthehellisthat?不是吧我们有个备胎Oh,notnow.Wehaveaflat.也许是个预示今天不适宜去Maybeit,sasignwe,renotsupposedtodothistoday.得了吧Nicetry.我们没时间了Wedonthavetimeforthis.有人会换轮胎吗Anybodyknowhowtochangeatire?给我那个十字扳手
35、你得告诉那是什么东西Youwanttohandmethatcrosswrench?Doyouwannatellmewhatthatis?T型的工具It,sthet-shapeddealie如果你不给我拿过来我就用它打你mgonnawhackyouwithifyoudonthanditover.伊迪从紫藤郡搬走后Youknow,Edieusedtolivearoundhere她就住在这附近whenshemovedawayfromWisteria1.ane.你是指你们一起骂她把她赶走的时候别抱怨赶快弄Youmeanwhenyougalsgavehertheboot.1.essyakkin,more
36、jackin.布里你怎么知道她住哪Bree,howdidyouknowwhereshelived?我有一次意外地碰到她Um,Iranintoheronce,unexpectedly.在一个我从来没想过要去的地方InaplaceIneverthoughtdbe.布里霍吉BreeHodge.跟我来我给你找个座Followme.Illgetyousituated,然后再把你丈夫带过来andllbringyourhusbandin.这就是访客室吗Isthatthevisitorsroom?是啊怎么了Yeah.Why?你们难道没有更私密的房♥间吗Youdonthappentohaveapr
37、ivateroom,doyou?你是指像个高级房♥Youmean,likeanupgrade,有沙发柔和灯光somethingwithacouchandsofterlighting?那样比较好Thatwouldbelovely.哦你在讽刺我Oh.Youwerebeingsarcastic.是的夫人你准备好了Yes,maam.Areyoureadyto.不还没Oh,not,uh,justyet.如果能有个高级房♥间也不是个坏主意It,snotabadidea,havinganupgradeavailable.我打赌这是个大家愿意付钱的特殊待遇Ibetthatsaper
38、kpeoplewouldbewillingtopayfor.夫人这是监狱Maam,itsaprison.我们能提供的特殊待遇只有查蛀牙Theonlyperkweofferisacavitysearch.老实说我不太能接受Um.Tobehonesi-mnotfeelinguptothis.我还是改天再来吧mgonnahavetocomebackanotherday.好反正他还有一个已经预约好的访客Fine.Hesgotanothervisitorscheduledanyway,所以我至少不用告诉他你来过了另外的访客谁soIdontevenhavetotellhimyouwerehere.Anot
39、hervisitor?Who?一位女士每周都来看他Somelady.Shevisitshimeveryweek.每周吗她叫什么名字Everyweek?Whatshername?不能告诉你Icantgiveyouthat.如果她一直来看我的丈夫我想我有权利知道Ifshesvisitingmyhusband,IthinkIhavearighttoknow.夫人抱歉不能告诉你她的名字Maam,msorry,butIcannotgiveyouhername.是吗Really?因为我认为这是一个值得花钱的特殊待遇BecauseIwouldconsiderthataperkworthpayingfor.看
40、谁来了Well,well.你来干什么Whatareyoudoinghere?我想来看你Iwantedtoseeyou.你没带着松饼吗Andyoudidn,tbringmuffins?不是那种看访Itisntthatkindofvisit.没有松饼没有应酬Nomuffins,nosmalltalk.我是应该害怕还是表示感激ShouldIbescaredorgrateful?我今天去监狱了Istoppedbytheprisontoday.守卫跟我说你一直在探望奥森TheguardtellsmeyouvebeenvisitingOrson.她还说有时一周两次Sometimestwiceaweek,s
41、hesaid.没想到监狱女守卫这么八卦Oh.Whoknewladyprisonguardscouldbesochatty?你想干什么伊迪Whatareyouupto,Edie?没想干什么你这红头发的冷酷的人mnotuptoanything,youredheadedicecube.他离我就15分钟车程He,s15minutesaway.坦白说我替他难过Andquitefrankly,Ifeelsorryforhim.毕竟我知道被紫藤街流放是什么感觉Afterall,Iknowwhatitsliketobeexiledfromsuburbia.所以你不是Soyourenot.不是想挑起什么事端吗T
42、ryingtostartupsomething?他在监狱He,sinjail.我的胸部是很诱人但是也穿不过监狱铁窗Myboobsareimpressive,buttheycan,tbendironbars.谢谢你一直去看他Well.Thankyoufor.Checkinginonhim也谢谢你回答我的疑问andforansweringmyquestion.我倒有个问题Ihaveaquestion.你为什么不去看他Whyarentyouvisitinghim?我的时间有点紧张Oh,well,myscheduleisjustunreal,我有酒席承办公♥司♥的工作我还要
43、照顾本杰明whatwiththecateringcompanyandlookingafterBenjamin.看来我们都很忙Yeah,well,wereallbusy.得了吧Comeon.你为什么还不去看他Whyhaventyoubeentoseehim?那监狱Thatjailis.让我恶心Itsdisgusting.关在铁笼的男人们就像野兽样Allthosemenincages,likeanimals.甚至踏入那个地方都让我觉得羞耻Eventostepfootinthatplaceishumiliating.你丈夫是为了你才进了监狱Thatmanwenttojailforyou.你知不知道他
44、要有多爱你才能做到这步Doyouhaveanyideahowmuchhemustloveyou?我知道Ido.那你为什么不能忍♥一忍♥每月抽出一天进去看看他Thenwhycantyousuckituponceamonthandgoandsayhi?帮他度过这段艰难口子Trytohelphimgetthroughthislivingnightmare.你为什么不能做到Whycantyoudothat?我现在想想NowasIthinkaboutit,你还是别去了dontvisithim.他能做的比你好多了Hecandosomuchbetterthanyou.所以你怎么样So.howareyoudoing?你觉得呢Howdoyouthink?你是对的我不应该问Youreright.Ishouldnthaveasked.我知道这很可怕Iknowitshorriblehere.你怎么会知道Howwouldyouknow?你又没进来过Youveneverbeen.你有理由恨我Youhaveeveryrighttohateme.不用演戏Theresnoneedtobemelodramatic.我是指坚持让你到这
