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1、Chapter8-Revising Your Rough Draft,9622097A Roger9610801A PatrickJosh9610905A Rita,8a Principles of Revision,Revision is partly a psychological and partly a mechanical process.Psychological:The kind of adaptation of language and grammar to fit a particular audience.,8a Principles of Revision,Example
2、:Every teacher wants his students to get good grades.(The problem of the pronoun sexist)SuggestionAll teachers want their students to get good grades.,8a Principles of Revision,Mechanical:The revision of the big and little miscues and mistakes.The kind of errors:1.Grammatical errors2.The details of
3、paragraphs are tedious.3.The contents which are too weak should find more data to support.,8a-1 Rereading your writing,All revision is based on rereadingThe time of rereading your text should be at least three times.,8a-2 Revising the paper from biggest to smallest,Many instructors ask students to w
4、ork their revision from the biggest to smallest.It can make the act of revision methodical.You can not only find the bigger mistakes and ignore the smaller mistakes(such as the misspelled words).,8b Revising the opening paragraph,Check your opening paragraph to see whether your beginning is sprightl
5、y enough to attract your reader.Check the thesis to be sure that it is not muddled or vague,8b-1 Revising the introduction,The opening paragraph contains an introduction and a thesis.Introduction the initial sentences of the opening paragraph.Thesis the final sentence of the opening paragraph.,8b-1
6、Revising the introduction,A.Use a quotation1.It can plunge into your thesis immediately.2.The quotation can be a well-known saying or any comment which is related to your thesis.3.The quotation need to be suitable and can lead naturally to your thesis.,B.Ask a questionIt can let you to lead your rea
7、ders to the direction you want to go.,C.Present an illustration1.To use the anecdotes or examples are the popular openings.2.These kinds of openings are the truth,so it is also easy to convince the readers.,8b-2 Check that your paragraphs follow the sequence of topics in the thesis,The sequence of t
8、he paragraph should follow the points of your thesis statement.The order also needs to consider that the same kind of points need to write continuous;otherwise,the readers will be confused.,Example:Although drugs do effectively lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart attack or stroke(1),many
9、serious side effects that include headache(2)and muscle pain(3),severe allergic reactions that effect breathing(4)and even permanent damage to the liver(5)and inflammation of the pancreas(6).Original order:123456To let readers read easily:123654,The sequences of the example:1.An introduction to chol
10、esterol-reducing drugs that lower the risk of heart attack and stroke.2.Headache as a side effect3.Muscle pain as a side effect4.Pancreatic inflammation as a side effect5.Liver damage as a side effect6.Allergic reactions that affect breathing.,8b-3 Revising the body paragraphs,Its better that the in
11、formation be organized in tidbits of shorter paragraphs.,8b-4 Check paragraph transitions,They must be linked to one another by more than simple sequence,but by the locomotion of common theme,idea,or argument.,8c Revising sentences for variety and style,Variety is easy to recognize and define Style
12、is not easy to pinpoint.,Learn to juxtapose short and long sentences.Ex:The name“Christopher”means nothing.Felice paid no attention.She ignored the call.But because the speaker,who turned out to be an elderly gentleman,was gracious in his comments about the tragedy of war,she listened.,Learn to subo
13、rdinateEx:Coordinate I arrived at Yankee Stadium,and the first inning was already under waySubordinate The first inning was already under way when I arrived at Yankee Stadium.,Learn to use parallel constructions.Ex:Not parallelThe king stood on the balcony.Then hedecided to wave at the crowed.Later
14、he also shook hands with the foreign minister.ParallelThe king stood on the balcony,wave at the crowed,and shook hands with the foreign minister.,8c-1Revise sentences to use the active voice,Verbs have two voices-active and passive.The passive voice makes a writer seem objective is a myth.The passiv
15、e voice often used to shield the person responsible for an action.Ex:Two laws protecting illegal aliens were passed.,8C-2 Revise to use an appropriate point of view,Research papers consist mainly of information found in other places that you incorporate in your writing.Points of View-The first perso
16、n point of view:Suitable only for personal writing.-The third point of view:In attempt to keep the writing objective.,Examples,First person point of view:In my research I found out that I would do better in reading by applying note-taking techniques.Third(objective)point of view:Research indicates t
17、hat by applying note-taking techniques would enhance reading proficiency by 45%.,Question&doubt,Q:Should you ever use the first-person point of view in your research paper,and if so,when?If your instructor bans any but the third-person point of view,then you have no choice but to follow.If not speci
18、fied,Ask.Safe rule to follow:Use the first-person point of view only in personal comments or in discussions.,8c-3 Revise sexist language,In your writing,watch for language that reflects the value and biases of a male dominated society.Example:A doctor should treat his patients patiently.This sentenc
19、e made a sexist assumption:that every doctor is a man.Fixes:1.Doctors should treat their patients patiently.2.A doctor should treat his or her patients patiently.3.A doctor should treat patients patiently.,Thon,A proposed gender neutral third-person singular pronoun.This particular word solves the p
20、roblem of the usage of him and he,while referring to someone unknown who could very well be female.Example:Instead of:I saw him wearing a thong.Now you can write:I saw thon wearing a thong.,8d Revising words:diction,Words choice and usage comes under the heading of diction.Incorrect idea:Bigger word
21、 is always better.Use words for their exactness,appropriateness and accuracy than for their size.In any case,the final decision should be based on the target audience.Theyre humid,pre-possessing homosapiens with full-sized aortic pumps?“(Big words version)Theyre warm,nice people with big hearts.,8d-
22、1 revise diction for accuracy and exactness,The best writing is concise and to the point.Know your topic well,so you would be exact in writing your article.Use the appropriate vocabulary for the subject.Inexact:AIDMA is often used in marketing,and by following the five steps of AIDMA you would succe
23、ed.Exact:AIDMA is often used in marketing,AIDMA is a acronym consist of five steps Attention,Interest,Desire,Memory and Action.By following these steps you would become a successful salesman.,Concise or not?,Use as many words as you need to make your point-no more,no less.Example:please turn toNot c
24、oncise:Pg135 Concise:Pg136,8d-2 Revise the Overuse of Phrases for Subjects Instead of Single Nouns,To simplify the subjectBureaucratic concise(short and clear),Example:Phrase subject:Their fixed idea of racism is brought about by their long history of isolation.Simplified subject and introductory se
25、ntence:Racism derives from their isolated history.Or:Their isolated history leads to racism.Example in the text book:2.Phrase subject:The ratification of the agreement by the board requires a vote of a majority.Simplified subject and introductory sentence:To ratify the agreement,the board needs a ma
26、jority vote.Or:The board needs a majority vote to ratify the agreement.,8d-3 Revise Redundant Expressions,What are redundant expressions?Redundant expressions are unnecessary words used to repeat what has already been said.,Example:The US nation will announce a target plan for reducing greenhouse ga
27、s carbon dioxide emissions before next months UN climate summit conference,according to a White House official officer.The“US”is a“nation”,“target”equals to“plan”,“summit”a kind of“conference”,“official”an“officer”,and“carbon dioxide”a“greenhouse gas”is clear from common knowledge and context of the
28、 sentence.Revised version:The US will announce a target for reducing greenhouse gas emissions before next months UN climate summit,according to a White House official,Example in the text book:During that time period the park area was populated with Indians who were sullen in appearance and made a li
29、ving by working with silver metal.Revise:During that time the park was populated with Indians who looked sullen and made a living by working with silver.,8d-4 Revise Meaningless Words and Phrases,Meaningless words and phrases are fillers,blurring a style.Revising meaningless words and phrases clarif
30、ies your idea.,Example in the text book:The problem of world hunger is by and large a matter of business and politics.Basically the two become virtually entwined until for all intents and purposes they cannot be addressed separately in any given city or country.Revised version:The problem of world h
31、unger is a matter of business and politics.The two become entwined until they cannot be addressed separately in any city or country.,8d-5 Revise Snobbish Diction,Snobbish diction consists of words used not to clarify but to impress.Replacing snobbish diction with more common equivalents(words/phrase
32、s)results in a sharper and less pompous style.,Example in the text book:A person desirous of an interview must be cognizant of the fact that the interview may have dozens of other candidates to evaluate.A smart candidate endeavors to utilize the time wisely,facilitating the interviewer in ascertaini
33、ng the candidates qualification.Revised version:A person wanting an interview must be aware that the interviewer may have dozens of other candidates to evaluate.A smart candidate ties to use the time wisely,helping the interviewer find out the candidates qualification.,8e Rules for Writers.Not.,1.Ve
34、rbs has to agree with their subjects.2.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.3.And dont start a sentence with a conjunction.4.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.5.Avoid cliches like the plague.(Theyre old hat.)6.Also,always avoid annoying alliteration.7.Be more or less specific.8.Par
35、enthetical remarks(however relevant)are(usually)unnecessary.9.Also too,never,ever use repetitive redundancies.10.No sentence fragments.,11.Contractions are not necessary and should not be used.12.Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.13.Do not be redundant;do not use more words than necessary;it
36、s highly superfluous.14.One should NEVER generalize.15.Don not use no double negatives.16.Eschew ampersands&abbreviations,etc.17.One-word sentences?Eliminate.18.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.19.The passive voice should NEVER be used.20.Eliminate commas.That are,not necessary.Pare
37、nthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.,21.Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.22.DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasizes!23.Use words correctly,irregardless of how others use them.24.Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth eart
38、h-shaking ideas.25.Use the apostrophe in its proper place and omit it when its not needed.26.If youve heard it once,youve heard it a thousand times:resist hyperbole;not one writer in a million can use it correctly.27.Puns are for children,not groan readers.28.Go around the barn at high noon to avoid
39、 colloquialisms.29.Even if a mixed metaphor sings,it should be derailed.30.Who needs rhetorical questions?,31.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.32.Do not put statements in the negative form.33.A writer must not shift your point of view.34.Place pronouns as close as possible,e
40、specially in long sentences of ten or more words,to their antecedents.35.Writing carefully,dangling participles must be avoided.36.If any word is improper at the end of a sentence,a linking verb is.37.Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.38.Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.39.Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.40.Always pick on the correct idiom.41.The adverb always follows the verb.42.Be careful to use the rite homonym.43.Proofread carefully to see if you leave any words out.,
