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1、目 录第21集2第22集15第23集26第24集39第21集Who or what did you do to get this $20 tip?（第21集开始）你到底是做了啥 能得到20刀的小费Because I wheeled a customer home the other night,我上次大晚上把一个坐轮椅的送回家and all I got was a 5.就拿到5刀And that was after we made out and I gave him a bath.这还是我跟他上了床 还帮他洗了澡之后才有的The lady at that table asked me wha
2、t was special here,坐那的女士问我 这里有什么特别推介And I said, I used to be, And then I burst into tears.我说 我就曾经是 然后就泫然欲泣了I pull that out whenever I need a manicure.我需要修指甲的时候 都是拿出这招杀手锏Well, its that time of year again.一年一度的时刻又来了Im so jealous.我真嫉妒死你了I cant believe you only get your period once a year.一年就来那么一次大姨妈Its
3、 tax season, and my accountant said报税季啊 我的会计说Im getting a refund.我还能得到退税呢He also complimented these moccasins,他还对这双软皮鞋点了个赞which are also controversial around here.你们倒是总吐糟这鞋Well, they do have the word Mock, Ass And Sin.这双鞋名字就是 嘲笑 屁股 和罪恶This is why I never wear overalls,所以 我才从来都不穿背带裤cause you two woul
4、d be.因为你们俩- Overall. - Disgusted?- 全面 - 恶心我们了Precisely.就是这样Oh, Earl, that reminds me.Earl 我记起来了I forgot. Here you go. I finished your taxes.我忘记了 我已经帮你把税表做好了And for the future you你以后cannot claim your weed dealer as a dependent.不能把你的大麻卖家写成抚养人I dont know why. Im very dependent on weed.为什么啊 我一直都依赖大麻Max,
5、 since Ive been helping everyone with their taxes,Max 我之所以帮大家写报税单Mostly because the only other time I get to use因为除此之外 大部分用到我my financial degree is counting how many Q-Tips we have left,经济学位的时间就是在算我们的棉签还剩多少枝Five.5个Three. I dropped two in the toilet,3个 我丢进马桶两个and the cockroacis using them as oars for
6、 his boat.给蟑螂把当船桨Ha. Thatll be cute.太贴心了你Look, there are two things I wont talk about.听着 有两件事情我不想谈Taxes or your flying dreams.税还有你的飞行梦Face it, Caroline. Youre not going anywhere.面对现实吧 Caroline 你根本飞不起来Okay, well, we have to talk about our taxes,那好吧 那就聊聊我们的税and what were gonna claim, and,有哪些可以申请退税no,
7、you cannot claim Im ruining your life.还有 你不能申诉说我毁了你的生活Why? I did that last year and got $10 back.为什么 我去年这么做还拿了10刀回来2:00 A.M., closing time. Lets go.两点啦 关门走吧Its only 12:30.现在才十二点半- Nice try, Max. - Come on, lets leave early.- 没门 Max - 别这样 早点走吧Im more exhausted than my bra.我现在比我的胸罩还累Whoa, good, youre
8、still open.太好了 你们还没关门My fiancee wants a cupcake, and she always gets what she wants.我未婚妻想来个纸杯蛋糕 而她必须是想啥有啥的Hi.你好I mean, I really want a house in the Hamptons,我说 我真的很想要间在汉普顿的房子but Ill take a cupcake.但纸杯蛋糕也成Im nothing like that sounded.我平常不是这样的Dont apologize.不用道歉Im everything like that sounded.我完全是这样的O
9、h, Ill be right back, babe.我去去就回 宝贝Theres a homeless guy那有个流浪汉building a shopping bag house around the Porsche.在保时捷旁边用购物袋搭窝Too bad. That homeless guy almost had a front Porsche.真惨 那个流浪汉差点就有个保时捷阳台屋了He hates this neighborhood.他讨厌这区So youve been held up at gunpoint one or two times?你们也被人拿枪指着一两次吧Its lik
10、e, grow a pair, right?勇敢点就好 对吧So what are you eating?你要什么口味的Um, chocolate.唔 巧克力的But, wait, now Im thinking red velvet.等等 我现在想要红丝绒蛋糕了Tim put my ring in one when he proposed.Tim在求婚的时候 放了一个戒指在那里面Oh, he proposed with one of our cupcakes?喔 他是用我们的纸杯蛋糕求婚的吗Thats so sweet.真甜蜜Yeah, it was.是啊 曾经是I mean, it was
11、 like a whole thing, because I swallowed it,当时我没注意 就把它给吞下去了but, once it passed, really so pretty.但拉出来之后 还是挺漂亮的I gave him a 20 to move to that Mini Cooper instead of our car.我给了他20刀 让他搬去迷你库柏那边住Remind me to start calling Han Mini Cooper.这倒是提醒我 Han可以用迷你库柏/小四轮这新外号Babe, Ive been thinking.宝贝 我在想Uh-oh. Tha
12、ts never good.肯定没好事了No, its great, babe. Listen.不 是好事 宝贝 听着So, since you proposed to me with one of their cupcakes,既然你用他们的蛋糕向我求婚I was thinking that these girls should do our wedding cake.我就在想 要这两位妹纸帮我做结婚蛋糕But, babe, we already ordered a wedding cake.但是宝贝 我们已经定了一个结婚蛋糕了$1,300. Remember, babe?1300刀 记得吗
13、 宝贝啊I know, but, babe.我知道啊 但是 宝贝They said babe less in the movie Babe.小猪宝贝里说宝贝的次数也没这俩多So do you guys do wedding cakes?你们俩做结婚蛋糕吗- No. - Yes.- 不 - 做I dont. She does.我不做 是她做Shes the baker, and, yes, we do tons of wedding cakes.她才是蛋糕师 我们做过好多结婚蛋糕了Gay weddings, straight weddings.同志婚礼啦 正常婚礼啦Bed wettings.尿床
14、啦Claire, you do whatever you want, but Im gonna wait in the car.Claire 你随便怎样都行 我在车里等着你I just cant do the cake stuff again, babe.我不想再弄蛋糕的事了 宝贝He doesnt want to do the cake stuff.他不想再弄蛋糕的事Well, I dont want to do the butt stuff.我还不想弄后庭呢You know what I mean?懂我的意思吗- No. - Yes.- 不懂 - 太懂了Why dont you come
15、in and we can talk about it?你不如进来跟我们聊一下Enter through the diner.入口在餐厅Okay. See you guys in a sec.好的 等会见What is wrong with you?你什么毛病啊I told you I didnt want any more white girls in the shop.我不是跟你说过 不想在店里有其他白种女吗And since when do we do wedding cakes?还有就是 我们俩什么时候开始做结婚蛋糕了啊Since that guy said $1,300.自从他说13
16、00刀以后You can do this, Max. You went to pastry school.你可以搞定的 Max 你上过糕点学校I also went to high school,我还上过高中呢but I cant tell you which president Rock Hudson was.但是我还不知道Rock Hudson是哪任总统I dont do wedding cakes.我不做结婚蛋糕Okay, I know this may not be好吧 我晓得这或许the best time for you to make your first wedding cak
17、e不是你做结婚蛋糕的最佳时机because of your recent breakup.因为你最近刚分手了Oh, its not about Deke.跟Deke无关If you remember, Im the one who sent his fro out the door.如果你记得的话 是我把他赶出门的Weddings are just stupid.婚礼太傻逼了This whole idea of celebrating love?这就是庆祝爱情的方式吗I mean, love works out less than Chris Christie.爱情比Chris Christi
18、e还不靠谱呢Right through here.穿过这里就到了There you go, miss.就是这了 小姐Thanks.谢谢Did you want something else?还有要有什么事吗Ill take whatever I can get.给我什么我就要什么Okay, were done.够了 到此为止Youre lucky. This morning, a cannoli shell你还算是走运的呢 今早煎饼蛋卷pressed sexual harassment charges against him.还起诉他性骚扰呢Oh, my God, you guys.哦 天呐
19、你们太棒了Your shop is so adorbs.你们的小店太招人爱了Im Claire, by the way.对了 我是ClaireI owned a store on Bedford Ave.我在贝德福德大道开了家店A dress shop called Get the Frock Out.是家服装店 店名叫 买裙而去Oh, I remember that place.哦 我知道那里Wasnt it right next to the hair salon, Unbeweavable?是不是紧挨着一个美发沙龙 叫做没有卷不起Yeah, yeah, between Unbeweava
20、ble没错 没错 就在没有卷不起and the kosher smoothie place called The Wandering Juice.和那个卖犹太净食奶昔的流浪果汁之间I love their menorah-nge juice.我超爱他们家的多连灯烛台果汁Yeah, you know, it was always my dream to have a dress shop.知道吗 我之前一直梦想开一家服装店But then after a year hardly anyone was coming in,但是门可罗雀地过了一年后and I was like, maybe I sh
21、ould get the frock out.我想 也许该我绝裙而去了- So I bailed. - I totally get it.- 因此我转手了 - 我完全能理解你Our first shop failed, but we got up, dusted ourselves off.我们的第一家也黄了 但我们爬起来 拍拍灰Well, Max went on a four-day bender,Max则喝得酩酊大醉了四天I found her and dusted her off, then we started again.我找到了她 也帮她拍拍灰 然后我们就开了这家店Yeah, go
22、od thing you是啊 还好你downloaded the Find Your Drunk Roommate App.下载了寻找醉街室友软件Oh, so you guys kept going, even though you failed?哦 那么你们即使失败了 仍然在坚持是吗Why? Dont you have boyfriends?干嘛这么坚持啊 你们没男友吗So when are you two getting married?你们的婚礼定在什么时候啊Oh, in three days.哦 三天后Three days? Youre so calm.三天后 你还能如此镇定Yeah,
23、 well, I was in the plane that crashed in the Hudson,是呀 自从我遭遇过哈德孙河空难之后so after that everythings just kind of been Meh.所有的事情对我来说都是浮云了So do you know what kind of cake you want?那你想好要什么样的蛋糕了吗Absolutely. Something traditional,当然想好了 要传统一点儿的something very old school, you know, very romantic,经典一点儿的 而且还得非常浪漫
24、的那种but, wait, now Im thinking不过 等等 现在我在想You guys are so cool,你们俩个这么酷的话what if we did something with a weird hipster Williamsburg vibe?不如给我做个威廉斯堡风格N嬉皮士风的时髦怪蛋糕吧So you want an obnoxious cake那你是想要一个有信托基金on a trust fund wearing an ironic t-shirt with HPV?穿着讽刺人乳头瘤病毒T恤的厌恶风蛋糕吗But, wait, now Im thinking past
25、els for spring.等等 我现在又想到缤纷春日风了Oh, but, wait, now Im thinking, colors. I love clowns.哦 等等 我现在又想到要色彩丰富的 我喜欢小丑Wow, she changes her mind more than I change my underwear.她改主意比我换内裤还要勤呢So twice?那你今天已经换两条了Sophie, on your tax form here,Sophie 你的报税表上you listed your occupation as Sophie.填的职业是SophieYeah, its a
26、full-time job, baby.没错啊 那可是全职工作啊 亲And who claims $5,000 worth of mascara?而且你还申请五千美元的睫毛膏退税Its a business deduction for my cleaning business.那是我清洁事业的营业费用I give it out to all the underage girls from Poland as treats.我把睫毛膏都给未成年的波兰女佣当奖赏了Just because youre scrubbing toilets不能因为你是扫厕所的doesnt mean your eyes
27、cant pop.就不让双眼闪炫全场Do you have any legitimate anything that we can use for anything?你到底有没有什么合法的 我们能用来做账的东西啊Heres a big receipt.这有张大额收据$2,500 for Stolichnaya.两千五百刀是付Stolichnaya的You cant write off liquor.酒水是不能退税的No, Irina Stolichnaya.不是酒啦 Irina StolichnayaYeah, she waxes my eyebrows.她给我修眉毛And my downst
28、airs eyebrows.还有我下面的毛Okay, well, theres no line on this form好吧 不过这表上是没有for downstairs eyebrows,除下毛的选项so Im just gonna list it as home office.那么我就写上家庭办公室吧Yeah, well, I do work out of it.也对 我还真是用那办公了Caroline, wheres Max?Caroline Max在哪里As much as I enjoy a虽然这两小时two-hour break from being called a tiny w
29、oman,不用听她吐糟我是小女人shes supposed to be working.但她好歹得上班的吧Max, hows the cake going?Max 蛋糕做得怎么样That brides a mess.那新娘太无敌了She changed her mind while she was changing her mind.她在改变主意时都在改变主意！Not the good stuff on the top shelf!别拿上面架子的好货啊Oh, you cant reach it anyway, Mini Cooper.哦 反正你够不着 小四轮Jokes on her. I ha
30、ve a collapsible ladder.这个笑话可轮不到我头上 哥有个折叠梯Oh, hi, Claire. Max is working on it right now.哦 嗨 Claire Max正给你忙着呢Oh, youve been thinking?哦 你又想是吧Caroline, can I get anything for a panty liner?Caroline 我的卫生巾能退税么Im on the phone with Claire.我在和Claire打电话呢You mean un-Claire?你是说搞不清女士是吧She wants to make a coupl
31、e changes.她还想改几个地方- What should I tell her? - Tell her I hate her.- 我怎么说 - 告诉她 我烦死她了No, you know what, Ill tell her.别 要我说 我来告诉她I love to tell people things. Give me the phone.我喜欢给人上课 电话给我Max, I beg you. $1,300.Max 我求求你 这可是1300美元Oh, my God. She is so crazy.天啊 她可是个疯子I should just make a giant cake我就该做
32、个巨型蛋糕and have a psychiatrist pop out of it.然后让个精神科医生从里面掀盖出来Give me the phone.电话给我Hey, Claire, babe. Whats happening, babe?嗨 Claire 宝贝 有事么 宝贝Max, Ive been thinking,Max 我一直在想and I know I said I didnt want the fondant frosting,我记得我说过不想要翻糖霜but now I just saw a photo不过我看过一张婚礼蛋糕照片of another wedding cake t
33、hat was so gorge.那个真的很赞And I started thinking.于是我就想.Uh-huh. Sure. No problem.嗯哼 好的 没问题So then we can do the fondant?那么就是说你们能加上翻糖了Yes, definitely fondant.是啊 这个必须有啊Perfect. Bye. Love you.太好了 再见 爱死你了Love you too.我也爱你哦Max, I know you worked hard,Max 我知道你很辛苦and youre probably upset about having to change
34、 it.你改蛋糕也搞得很苦逼Im sensing a lot of hostility我觉得你很有杀气啊that has nothing to do with that couple这对新人娃娃可是无辜的and may be more about you更多可能是和你自己and a certain groom that didnt happen.及某位非新郎有关吧What, you cant light a couples head on fire啥 除了前男友那茬外without it being about your ex-boyfriend?我就不能把这二货脑袋上点把火么Max, I k
35、now youre sad about it.Max 我知道那让你很伤心I heard you crying last night.我昨晚还听见你哭了That was you crying.那是你在哭好吧Well, someone was crying.好吧 反正有人在哭Oh, my God.天哪Max. Its beautiful.Max 太漂亮了You did an amazing job.你干得太棒了Thats quite a cake cake cake.那真是一个蛋糕之王Calm down. I made a cake. I didnt fold a fitted sheet.冷静
36、只是个蛋糕而已 又不是叠床套Ooh, and I like the new bride and groom.噢 而且我喜欢新的新人娃娃By the way, I fished the other ones out of the garbage顺便说一下 我把在垃圾桶的那个救起来了In case we ever get a burn victim wedding.如果接到给烧伤者的婚礼订单 可以用上Okay, I got the extra icing. Lets go.好了 我带了额外的糖霜 走吧Now grab it with two hands and lift with your kne
37、es.现在用双手抓住它 然后用你的膝盖顶起来Oh, is that how you think it should go?哦 你手活的时候就这样吗cause I was gonna grab it with my head and lift it with my face.我一般是用头压着 然后用脸顶起来Got it. Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定 搞定Ooh. Oh, wait.噢 哦 等等Got it. Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定 搞定Got it. Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定 搞定Grease puddle.小心地面有油Got it. Got it
38、. Got it.搞定 搞定 搞定- Roach. - Got it.- 蟑螂 - 搞定了Bedford Avenue.贝德福德大道Got it. Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定 搞定Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定Watch the doors.关门请注意Max, this is so heavy.Max 这太沉重了I know. Were two grown women who cant afford a taxi.我知道 我们俩成年女性 竟付不起出租车钱Oh, theres a seat over there. We can put this down.那有个座 我们可
39、以把这个放下Got it. Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定 搞定Oh! Oh!哦 哦I blame science.都怪科学People shouldnt be living this long.人不应该活这么久Max, I need a break.Max 我需要休息会儿Me too. Maybe just like two weeks apart.我也是 要不咱们分开两周Like, no phone calls, nothing.你别给我打电话 啥也别找我I mean the cake.我是说蛋糕And you love me.而且你是爱我Other side. Less cro
40、wded.去那边 那边人少些Oh, this guy cant see. Just our luck.这人看不见 我们真走运To the left, sir.左边 先生Other left!另一个左边Oh, what, is everybody blind now?什么 现在所有人都瞎了吗Who are you even dancing for?你们这是跳给谁看Everyones blind.所有人都瞎了Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定Losing it. Losing it.我不行了 我不行了Holding it. Holding it. Losing it.别动 别动 要掉了Sec
41、ond wind. Got it. Got it.喘口气 搞定 搞定First avenue. First avenue station.第一大街 第一大街站There, there. Put it down.那 那 放下Max, I think we got it.Max 我想我们做到了Dont got it.没做到Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it.搞定 搞定 搞定 搞定Got it.好了This cake looks perfect. You would never know.这个蛋糕看着很完美 没人会知道的Thats why Im fond of the fo
42、ndant.这就是为什么我喜欢翻糖Covers everything. Well be long gone by the time可以掩盖一切 等他们意识到they realize its half cake-half styrofoam这蛋糕有一半是从电子用品店的垃圾堆里N弄来的发泡胶做材料的时候from the radio shack garbage.我们早就逃之夭夭了Hi. Im the wedding planner/ my own funeral planner嗨 我是婚礼/我自己葬礼的策划人cause it aint going great.因为婚礼筹备的很不顺利You the c
43、ake girls?你们是做蛋糕的姑娘You think just cause were two girls你这么想是因为我们是With a giant cake were the cake girls?两个带着大蛋糕的姑娘吗You think cause Im fake smiling你以为 我满脸堆笑I wont throw you down a flight of stairs?就不会把你们扔下楼吗You do that? Do you have a card?你会这么做 你有名片吗Sorry. We d a rough morning getting this here.对不起 我们花
44、了一早上 几经波折才把它带到这来You? She changed the menu again.你们几经波折 她又改菜单了好吗I spent the whole morning making 17 turkeys look我花了一早上 为了那个疯婊子like 17 hams for that crazy bitch.得把17只火鸡弄得像17个火腿Oh, come on, thats a little harsh.得了 这话有点过吧What? She wont come out of her room?什么 她不愿走出她的房间The bride has cold feet.新娘怯场了That c
45、razy bitch.那疯婊子Heres a crazy idea.我有一个疯狂的主意How about the check for the cake?付一下蛋糕钱怎么样All right, Im gonna tell you two what I told好吧 我把跟那个自制冰棍的家伙说过的话the make-your-own-popsicle guy.再跟你们说一遍Nobody gets paid until the bride walks down the aisle.没人会在新娘上场前拿到钱Nobody.没人Theres gonna be popsicles?这儿会还有冰棍吗Shes not that crazy.她还没那么疯So what are we gonna do now?所以我们现在做什么- Le
