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1、书面表达评讲探讨,书面表达如何写？,五个步骤,1、审题,题材、人称、时态、要点,2、以词及点：用一两个单词或短语写出每句 话的细节要点。,3、联词成句：用联词成句的方法将上述要点 的词语扩展成句子。,4、联句成文：,注意：,主语和谓语,背景（适当增加时间、地点条件等）,逻辑关系,开头与结尾语篇衔接,5、检查修改，规范抄写,黄冈市2009年三月高三年级质量检测书面表达：第二节：短文写作（共1题，满分25分）假如你是某公司的产品推销员，请用英语介绍下面的产品：1.产品名称：NOAH-DICT 2.产地：中国深圳 3.厂家：Chengxin Company Ltd.4.产品特点：电子词典，储存百万单
2、词和短语,实现中英互译，仿真人发音，提供电子书籍下载功能。采用20年的研究成果，由高级电脑科技控制，轻金属制成，体小，易携带，易操作，价格合理。注意：词数100左右。,five steps for the writing practice:,Step 1:examine the topicStyle:_ tense:_ person:_,说明文（Introductory Writing）,present,third,Step 2:list the main points1.产品名称 name NOAH-DICT/the product whose name is NOAH-DICT产地 mak
3、e/produce in Shenzhen3.电子词典 electronic dictionary/e-dictionary4.储存百万单词和词汇 store millions of words and phrases with a capacity of millions of words and phrases 实现中英互译 perform a two-way translation仿真人发音 imitate/resemble a real persons pronunciation7.提供电子书籍下载功能 provide/have the function of downloading
4、electronic books,Step 2:list the main points采用20年的研究成果 adopt/apply the technical result accumulate by 20-year research由高级电脑科技控制 control by high/advanced technology 轻金属制成 be made of light metal 11.体小 small in size/its volume is very small12.易携带 easy to carry/it is convenient to carry13.易操作 easy to op
5、erate14.价格合理 price is reasonable/sell at an attractive price,Step 3:make some sentences:产品名称 产地 电子词典 NOAH-DICT is an electronic dictionary made in Shenzhen.储存百万单词和词汇 The dictionary can store 1 million words and phrases.3.实现中英互译 The dictionary can make a two-way translation between Chinese and Englis
6、h come true.4.仿真人发音 5.提供电子书籍下载功能6.采用20年的研究成果 It is the technical result of the companys 20-year research.7.由高级电脑科技控制 8.轻金属制成 体小 易携带 It is made of light metal and its volume is small,so it is convenient to carry.9.易操作 价格合理 It is easy to operate and its price is reasonable.,The dictionary can imitate
7、a real persons pronunciation.,It also provides the function of downloading e-books.,It is controlled by advanced computer technology.,Step 4:Connect the sentences and make some appolishment.Step 5:Copy it out carefully and clearly.,One possible version(参考范文)NOAH-DICT is a very powerful e-dictionary
8、made in Shenzhen,China.It is the latest product of Chengxin Company Ltd.with a large vocabulary of 1 million words and terms stored in it.So you can look up any word you meet in your Senior period.Whats more,the e-dictionary can perform a two-way translation between Chinese and English,which helps y
9、ou study more efficiently.Additionally,it can perfectly imitate a real persons pronunciation.It also provides the function of downloading e-books.NOAH-DICT is controlled by advanced computer technology,which is the technical result of the companys 20-year research.The body of the NOAH-DICT is made o
10、f light metal.Therefore it is small in size and very convenient to carry.Besides,it is easy to operate.The price is reasonable.It is a wise choice for English learners.,第五档（很好）：（21-25分）要点完整，表达清楚，无重大语法错误。完全完成了试题规定的任务。-覆盖所有内容要点。-应用了较多的语法结构和词汇。-语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，但为尽力使用较复杂结构或词汇所致；具备较强的语言运用能力。-有效地使用了语句间的连接成
11、分，使全文结构紧凑。完全达到了预期的写作目的。第四档（好）：（16-20分）表达基本清楚，缺少个别要点，有些语法错误。完成了试题规定的任务。-覆盖主要内容。-应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。-语法结构或词汇方面应用基本准确，些许错误主要是因为尝试较复杂语 法结构或词汇所致。-应用简单的语句间的连接成分，使全文结构紧凑。达到了预期的写作目的。第三档（适当）：（11-15分）尚能表达，缺少多个要点，语法错误较多。基本完成了试题规定的任务。-基本覆盖主要内容。-应用的语法结构或词汇能基本满足任务的要求。-有一些语法结构或词汇方面的错误，但不影响理解。-应用简单的语句间的连接成分，使全文内容连贯
12、。整体而言，基本达到了预期的写作目的。,高 考 短 文 写 作 评 分 标 准,第四部分：书面表达（满分25分）假设你是卜曼宜，你购买了一部某外国公司生产的手机，因有质量问题，要求该公司更换。请根据下列要点，用英文写一封电子邮件。要点：问题：手机不响铃，不能发短信；该产品已售完，无法更换；型号新，无配件，无法维修。2.要求：公司应尽快予以更换。注意：1.词数为100左右；2.参考词汇：配件 spare part3.电子邮件的开头和结尾已为你写好（不计入你所写词数）；4.已给出的电子邮件的开头和结尾不得抄入答题卡。,When I bought it home,I found there were
13、 several problems about the quality of the mobile phone.There is no ring in the new mobile phone,besides,it can not be used to send short messages.When I want back to the local company,the manager told me this product has sold out and that I wasnt able to change it.Whats worse,this style mobile phon
14、e is a new product,there is no spare part and cant to be repaired.These problems worries me most.I hope your company would change it for me as soon as possible.,【分析】基本表达清楚；时态运用恰当；采用了些简单连接手法；内容较连贯；准确性不够。,15,第四部分：书面表达（满分25分）假设你是卜曼宜，你购买了一部某外国公司生产的手机，因有质量问题，要求该公司更换。请根据下列要点，用英文写一封电子邮件。要点：问题：手机不响铃，不能发短信；该
15、产品已售完，无法更换；型号新，无配件，无法维修。2.要求：公司应尽快予以更换。注意：1.词数为100左右；2.参考词汇：配件 spare part3.电子邮件的开头和结尾已为你写好（不计入你所写词数）；4.已给出的电子邮件的开头和结尾不得抄入答题卡。,However,some problems are presented with this mobile phone.In the first place,when there are phone calls,the mobile phone just cant ring.In addition,short messages can never
16、be sent.when I came back to the mall for exchange,I was disappointed to be told that this model had been sold out.Worse still,it is a new model,thus no spare part is available at the moment.Nowhere can I have this phone repaired.Maybe there are some alternatives to handle this case,but I hope it can
17、 be dealt with and solved as soon as possible.In brief,my personal viewpoint is that you replace this mobile phone.Im looking forward to your reply.,【分析】全文共九个句子,其中有两个时间状语从句,一个并列句;一个倒装句;一个表语从句。运用了however,in the first place,in addition,worse still,in brief 五个过渡性词汇。运用了available,alternative两个较高级词语。,25,2
18、0,学生作品(6班 王军)A new product named NOAH-DICT has been put on sale lately.It is a kind of electrical dictionary produced by Chengxin Company Ltd,which is located in Shenzhen China.The new product has many advantages,one of which is that the dictionary contains millions of words and phrases,and it can t
19、ranslate Chinese into English each other in a voice which resembles extremely real peoples voice.Whats more,more information and books can be downloaded if necessary.The product is researched by twenty years efforts,and it is the high technology that controls the dictionary,which makes you get infor
20、mation more quickly.It is convienient for you to take because it is made of light metal and in small size.It not only can be operated easily but also the price is reasonable.I believe that the new product will be a good friend in your life.,【高分的理由】1.各种句式及结构的合理运用,【高分的理由】3.要点全面，时态正确,学生作品 A new product
21、 named NOAH-DICT has been put on sale lately.It is a kind of electrical dictionary produced by Chengxin Company Ltd,which is located in Shenzhen China.The new product has many advantages,one of which is that the dictionary contains millions of words and phrases,and it can translate Chinese into Engl
22、ish each other in a voice which resembles extremely real peoples voice.Whats more,more information and books can be downloaded if necessary.The product is researched by twenty years efforts,and it is the high technology that controls the dictionary,which makes you get information more quickly.It is
23、convienient for you to take because it is made of light metal and in small size.It not only can be operated easily but also the price is reasonable.I believe that the new product will be a good friend in your life.,【美中不足】,14,【分数不理想的原因】,3.过渡衔接不自然,4.文面不整洁,学生作品佳句欣赏,Our company has produced a new produc
24、t named NOAH-DICT,which is made in Shenzhen,China.(18班吴胜莉)Designed by Chengxin company Ltd,the electronic dictionary named NOAH-DICT was produced in Shenzhen,China.(20班李瑞洁)The new product is an electronic dictionary which can store millions of words as well as expressions.(6班肖红)This kind of electron
25、ic dictionary contains millions of words and expressions which are essential for both middle school students and college students.(18班江静)Two decades of hard work with thousands of failures,our researchers make the breakthrough eventually,that is,the NOAH-DICT.(18班刘琬)What deserves attention is that t
26、he product is the achievement of nearly 20 years research.(6班王超),It is more a small computer than a normal dictionary.(18班刘琬)It has so many functions that it is almost as smart as a computer.(20班杨凯)Downloading e-books is also available for you.(18班刘琬)It provides the function of downloading the elect
27、ronic books to broaden your horizons.(18班李辰)The volume of NOAH-DICT is small,thus it can be carried and operated easily.(6班刘小晶)Wherever you go you can carry it conveniently for its small size.(6班黄冬)Whats the most important is that its price is very reasonable.(18班方新),学生作品佳句欣赏,Common mistakes in our
28、writing(学生出现的集中错处),Drifting off the topic or leaving out some required informationSimple and direct translation/Chinglish expressionsImproper sentence patterns and improper words 主要是electric,electrical和electronic 的误用Spelling mistakes,长单词的正确拼写:convenient,pronunciation易混淆单词的运用:metal&medal price&prize过
29、去分词的正确拼写:controlled heard,Five characteristics of outstanding writing:(高分作文的五大特性)1.sense of order(条理性:段落完整，层次分明）2.accuracy(准确性:语法准确，用词精当）3.fluency(流畅性:层次清晰，行文连贯）4.conciseness&variety(简洁、多样性:语言简 洁，不重复）5.ideological content(思想性:文章立意高，表 达个人观点内容积极向上）,【反思】How to get high mark?,随着网络的发展，目前很多人给好友发电子贺卡。请根据以下提示阐述电子贺卡的优越性。1.除图像外，还可以传递动画和声音，生动，有趣；传递速度快；2.形式多样，还可以 Flash 或其他软体自己设计贺卡；3.省纸张，有利于保护树木和环境。注意：1.文章包括以上要点，可适当发挥。不要逐条翻译。2.词数：100左右。3.参考词汇：电子贺卡 electronic card 动画animation,Another writing task,
